Hey Dawgy - you've made my day man. Glad your calmed down a bit. Good job! I thought my wife moving out was going to be unimaginable also. But you know what, the space has been good in some ways. It's brought a peace for both of us. It's a false peace because we are in limbo, but still, the space is working. It can work for you too. Just tell people she "Needs Some Space Now". If they ask for what, just tell them for an "Unresolved Personal Issue" (Credit: "God's not Dead" Movie). You have given her space, she gives you time, you protect her secret. Meanwhile, she knows that she's causing you and the kids great pain while you protect her at your expense. Not too many women can take that kind of conviction on their hearts. Later she comes back, asks for forgiveness, and you are the hero. Just like this:
I can handle her moving out but not moving in with OM . Moving out on her own yes , space and time . In with him ? not a chance . Thats the final straw
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Dawg: It may have to get worse before it gets better. Her moving moving out and not in with him only prolongs the situation and is nothing you can control anyway. Don't waste your time trying. It's going to have to run its course. Work on detaching, don't let this thing control your mind. You mind is yours, not hers. You don't have let her or anyone determine how you are going to feel today. This is the most important lesson I have learned in this struggle. Sure it's taken a broken heart to learn it, but man, I'm going to be a stronger person and better husband on the back side of this thing more than I ever was before. And what I have learned about love, and forgiveness, is mind blowing. Can you love her enough to let her go and do this to you, and then be there to catch her when she falls? She will fall, she will. Time is the only question. If you can, you are a man among men. Truly.
Be strong bro. :-)
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
FunDad that was profound for me to read . Youve taken me from a wound angery soul to a compassionate loving husband in a couple sentences . I wish i had the clear mind to think the way you do . I just get so emotional i can even make rational decisions about this . I am very conflicted about her moving in with OM . I really cant see how I could get past that
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
You know, our women can't help but respond to tenderness and self-sacrifice. I love this line that I have learned here:
"It's not what I want, but I won't stand in your way"
It's ultimate freedom. You are free from trying to control her and she's free to run the course. It does not mean you will help her, it's just means that you aren't going to waste time & energy trying to control her decisions. The PMA and GAL stuff helps change your mental attitude so you can help give up control. That's what I'm doing now, and it can be really good. There are of course low points where I'm crying my eyeballs out, but that will pass.
Hang in there.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
Hey Dawgy - rough day. Sorry about that - you have told me to relax before. relax - don't let that anger get the best of you, teach your kids with your compassion and patience.
You said that you don't know if you can love her if she moves in w/ OM. Remember it's her journey and you have forgiveness and love now, you will have forgiveness and love later - you cannot turn that off. If you love her enough now, you can love her later too. The ball will be in your court to decide what you want.
You can still be the lighthouse. keep it up and she will see your light
It is so amazing how one-sided this fight is right now, but I read all the time here that it will catch up with her (I wait with you).
Thank you FunDad for what you have written today - it really helped me too.
Last edited by u-turn; 09/15/1410:06 PM.
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Kinda tricky problem today . Our anniversary is tomorrow and i dont know what to do .Her parents will call and mine will too . Even the kids will remember . Can i get a card ? A simple bouquet of flowers or totally ignore it ? What to do > Im really worried and saddened by this .
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Dawgy, you may get differing opinions, but for my anniversary I didn't even acknowledge it. My thought was- what would I even say??
W's stepmom sent me a text and her dad tried calling the house several times. They still don't know anything as far as I know, so I didn't answer. I think I just replied with a simple 'thanks' to the text.
