I will be ok. I'm stepping back to heal. The more healed I am the easier it will be to find my way in the dark of this ugly place in our relationship. There is so much good in my life. This is only one part of a lot of life. I will be ok.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell one of my best friends is a priest and family therapist. When this was still raw and new, he looked me in the eye and said ,"RPP you will be ok". There have been days that thought was the only thing that got me through. Hang in there, you will be ok.
Thanks, RPP. I know I will be ok. And that I already am ok. I don't know why I woke up needing to reassure myself this morning. Guess I was too sleepy to remember where I left my mojo.
H is taking the kids tomorrow evening. It's me driving that bus but hopefully he will take over the wheel before long. He confirmed on his own today that he would take them but when I asked what time he said "in time to get them dinner before kid event." I looked him in the eye and said "what time?" And glory be!!! He said "5:30." It kills him to be pinned down.
So. Stepping back and asking specifically for what I want worked.
Off to start my day. Hugs to all who visit my domain.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
^ I am thinking more about this too lately...getting antsy with the status quo I guess. Interested to see responses (but no advice of my own, I guess.) I have been reluctant to "do" anything because 1) asking for a status update may push them to answer negatively just to have an answer, 2) I worry that being more friendly sets things up for "cool, she's ok with just being friends!" Which I am not.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
Maybell, do you remember saying "Stepping back and asking specifically for what I want worked." ? Stepping back does not mean you gave up. You seem to need a little space right now, take it, and breathe.
I LOVE that you asked for what you wanted with the "what time" thing. He hates being pinned down but it's only a basic show of respect to discuss specific times.
I don't think you should check back in with him.
Does your desire to turn things around mean you're not stepping back to heal anymore or are you aiming for both?
Both. I want a do over. Where it's clear that I'm not Plan B, and I don't have to drag the baggage of the last couple of years around with me, but I can get to know him freshly, and he can get to know me freshly.
I will sit on this desire for a few days and see what happens.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
It's like there's four of him distinct in my mind: the H at could be, which is the one I'm thinking of when I get antsy to reach out; the H that has been, who cheated, and ignored me, and said so much to hurt me; the guy who travels out of town and doesn't reach out and won't answer questions about where he is or what he's doing; and then the one who sees me in person, who proposes lunch almost every week but won't share himself, looks at me and smiles like he wants me to reach back to him, and claims to understand why I didn't want to have lunch with him last week.
And as of this morning he was still wearing his ring even though he saw I took mine off.
Until he's one person in my mind, I should stay backed off. I'm too confused.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
1. Quit trying to categorize your H into 4 boxes. It's not helping you. It's best if you can live in the now and just accept what IS right now. And go with that notion instead of navel gazing into the What If's. Waste of time and brain power.
2. Quit trying to anticipate how you should act. If you were watching your kids watching this TV show, how do you think your kids would want to see you act? Then go with that. Because they don't have any choices here and you're both the parents. It doesn't matter if you don't want to be friends. I get that. But what do you think your kids would want you to do?
Deep breath. And hope you have something good to do when the kids are with their dad. What's on tap?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
