Old dog seeks new trick 3

[Old Dog]

I did something try and help myself today.

I registered as a temporary patient in the town where I work and went to see a doctor there.

I explained my situation and came away with:

• two weeks supply of anti-depressants - I was hesitant at first, but then tought why not I'm here for help
• a referal for CBT counselling to be arranged - my previous counsellor cannot see me again due to the rules of the work benefit agreement
• details of a local mindfllness group session each Wednesday evening
• another appointment in two weeks time.

I call that a result.

[Old Dog]

I went to my first mindfullness group session after work today. There must have been almost 20 people there, all of whom were regulars.

I took part and volunteered my experience - which is not something I'd normally do - when we followed a 'story' and imagined a walk in a forest picking up symbolic items, although we didn't know that at the time.

[Old Dog]

Back at home to go to an interview. Not having very good sleep doesn't help. It seems like every half hour I woke up: and half of those, she was stirring also. And when you're half awake, just lying there, your mind is able to go crazy: imagining all sorts of ridiculous scenarios. Luckily, I am now aware of mindfulness and 'come back to the breath' ... for a while at least.

Once, it must have been around a year a half ago now, she told me she slept better when I was at home. Now, we share the bed with an elephant.

[Ggrass]

Wow, that's one big bed you have old dog if it really can hold and elephant!

[Maybell]

I'm sorry you're in this place. Better days are coming. Good luck on your interview.

[LisaB]

Good luck at the interview Old Dog! And I know what you mean about those sleepless nights, try to push through!
Hugs, Lisa

[Old Dog]

Thanks everyone. Trying to psyche myself up for it.

Being at home though is such a draining experience. The friends of ours who WAW and kids visited about a month ago just announced on facebook they got married in secret - like we did - and WAW has posted congratulations.

Why can't she tell me this news? Why can't she talk to me? Why does she scuttle off somewhere else when I'm around? And why does it always seem she is so short with me? How is this helping the situation?

Oh and why and who is she contantly texting? I'm pretty sure there isn't an OM, but it I feel completely excluded now.

[Old Dog]

Well I didn't get the job. They had two posts either side if my experience / skillset. When they called I hoped they would have relaxed one set of criteria or or be prepared to go for a higher grade on the other. In the end it looks like I wasted a precious day off. Bah!

On a positive note, I went to a gig with S14 the same night. W and S12 didn't want to go, but I decided I would go anyway and then S14 said he'd like to come and we enjoyed it. However, right at the end I nearly fainted. For some reason, my body got really hot even though there weren't that many there, and I had to go and sit down at the back. I had S14 get me some water and then we went home. I have now realised that I have been feeling slightly dizzy quite often recently. I'll have to speak to the doc about that next time I see her.

Yesterday we all went out and had an enjoyable time at the space centre but on the journey there was an opportunity to start the day on a sour note.

I checked the route there before we set off but on the way there I was presented with an unexpected junction and didn't know which way to go. I guessed wrong and realised fairly quickly, but being a man driving a car, it's hard to admit to mistakes. W suggested the satnav, so I got it out but couldn't program it as I didn't know the postcode/zip code. I got a little frustrated, but actually recognised this and pulled back. W then managed to find the postcode and get the thing working as I finally recognised where we now were and I thanked her for doing that. Oh and I braked too late for her comfort once which I also apologised for.

Not such a riveting story but it might have, in the past, ended up in a stupid argument about inappropriate anger and justifiable frustration. I feel pleased that it didn't and we could enjoy the day.

I even had a better nights sleep. I long to hold her though and shed a few tears when she got up grabbed her phone and went downstairs.

Talking of her phone, she just can't put it down. On the way back yesterday, she litterally picked it up every two minutes to check on something. I know her football club was playing at the time but it's not just that, there seem to be massive conversations going to and fro and I've no idea about any of them as she doesn't tell me. I know: detach, but crickey it's hard not to ask.

One thing she did let out of the bag though was that she told the kids, not me mind but as I just happened to be there I heard, that she'd phoned her best friend in America this week. So now her friend knows and I guess her husband, who was a friend of mine before we all met, will know as well. And to further complicate matters, I've arranged to go with this friends brother (who is also a friend) to visit another old friend next weekend. Does that make sense?

It's all beginning to come out.

[LisaB]

Hi Old Dog,
Good for you on the 180 in the car!

Sorry to hear about the phone frustrations. I get that. My H is always checking his phone too. I think he has always done that but now after BD every time he looks at it of course I think OW. Even though that is probably not the case. Also he does it while I am speaking to him. Does your W do that? I find it incredibly rude. I have been testing out stopping speaking when he looks at his phone. I think he looks at it unconsciously... or maybe trying to send a message? Who knows. I get your frustration!

I hope you have a better day today! Sorry about feeling dizzy. Are you eating enough?

Hugs, Lisa

[Old Dog]

... now after BD every time he looks at it of course I think OW. Even though that is probably not the case. Also he does it while I am speaking to him. Does your W do that? I find it incredibly rude.

I hope you have a better day today! Sorry about feeling dizzy. Are you eating enough?

Hugs, Lisa

Hi Lisa

I'm sure she was checking football scores yesterday - they lost. A bit of a surprise there. And the other times I'm sure it's just friends and family she is texting.

It is incredibly rude Lisa. At least my W recognises the importance of listening to someone when they are speaking. In fact she used to pull me up on not replying immediately to the kids if they asked a question thinking I was ignoring them. I never was, and told her so, just contemplating the answer, but obviously not quick enough in her eyes.

Eating. Maybe not. That's what I thought as well. I'm not losing any more weight though. Stayed the same for the last few weeks now.

I hope you're doing well. I've been absent from the forum for a couple of days.

Returning some hugs to you. (((Lisa)))

(Not so) Old Dog xx