Why do you say that's "bad" Wet? Is see it as it is what it is. Events happened, consequences are required.
Good or bad don't seem to be something we can see at this point. Who knows? She may look back on that moment as the best thing that ever happened to her. Later.
Hers to deal with. She wanted freedom and autonomy etc? This is your chance to show you listened and don't think of her as a child.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Last night I went to s13's football game. I went fearing the worst. Because of W's flat tire, I expected W to be with new OM. Game was late 8 pm kickoff. It looked like she was alone, so I made my way over to where she was sitting. And I sat near W.
It turns out W's sister and bil came to the game also. They are prayer partners with me for W to be healed of whatever it is that is causing her to seek the attention of other men, and for protection of our children. It was chilly, and W had a down sleeping bag she was wrapped up in. She asked if I wanted to share it with her. I declined, saying I wanted to give her some space. I thought I was funny with my double-meaning.
It was a good game, s13's team crushed the other team, with lotsa big plays. I was chatting mostly with bil about the game, and the top players, and the Timberwolves. W was considerate, there was no texting. W chatted with her sister. We talked a bit about the kids. It was pleasant.
Somehow the sister got W to talk about her snoring and her sleep apnea machine, and I was asked what I preferred W to sleep with. I told her I liked the snoring, because I could then gently roll her over and massage her back as I did so. W liked that, and gave me a smile and a wink.
After the game we walked a ways to our cars. W asked me about my "ankles", (my neuropathy) and I told her I was seeing a doctor today to give me my gameplan for dealing with it. (I actually am seeing a neuro-surgeon, but I've decided not to tell W about this.) W asked me to call her after my appointment to give her the details, but I tried talking to s13 and change the subject, but she kept pressing, and I eventually told her "probably not".
She told me to stop being like that, and kept pressing me to make sure to tell her what the doctor says. I waved goodbye, and drove home. It is nice that she is showing concern, but I won't let her try and be there while she is seeing OM. It's too painful.
Any suggestions for deflecting W's attempts to get information from me on my upcoming surgeries?
I saw my surgeon today, and I guess this is good news. He scheduled me for an "urgent" surgery this Friday. He's moving quickly bc of the seriousness of my neck/spinal column issues. But its never really a good doctor's appointment when my doctor uses the phrase "life threatening".
I have not told W yet, and I probably will keep the information as bland as possible. I will talk to d20 and d18 to let them know of the seriousness of what is taking place on Friday. But I have to tell W something as I was scheduled to have s13 and d17 this weekend.
I could be laid up as much as 6 weeks, but for the self-employed, this won't work. Let's see what is in store with this new turn in my life. Hopefully, working legs and better health.
I understand why you don't want to tell her but with it being pretty serious I think you do need to tell her something. I know you don't want her back because you have health issues but at the same time it could go towards waking her up a bit.
All of this stress isn't good for anyone. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Nice to hear there is a gameplan. I assume there's a second opinion in there somewhere as well right?
As for the W? What's the difference what you tell her? She wanted to be gone, so it's just business really. You can share as much or as little as YOU are comfortable with and that's going to have to do. But you will have to tell her something since you won't be able to take the kids for a little while.
Be realistic, Wet. It'll suck for a bit and then you'll get better. But there is the business of the kids and you will need help in that department. Either from W or from others.
What would you tell business associates about what's going on? That might be a similar approach to the W and what you tell her.
Personally, I find direct honesty a good policy. How much detail or how little is based on my comfort with sharing personal details.
Be well and I hope it goes better than expected.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much stronger this morning. Kat and AJ, I respect you both and your advice so much, I will talk to W today. I'm not sure what I'll say, but I will let her know about the seriousness of Friday's surgery. "Direct honesty" is a good policy, and she deserves that right now as the mother of our 4 children.
But I have removed her as my health care agent. I'm not a fool.
Hope all goes well for you Wet ... we go through all this and then life has a funny way of letting us know there is still room on the plate for more issues!! Just not fair sometimes.
I spoke to the W today. My emotions are running wild, and she's annoying me today. So I spoke with W and let her know that I cannot take the kids for the weekend as I am having surgery, and that it is serious. W made me mad by saying that she never knew that I've had neuorpathy in both legs (which I guess I have now had for 3 years), and I have told her repeatedly that this was something I've had an ongoing battle with. She asked where the surgery was going to be at, and I made a joke out of it, and I rattled off 4 different hospitals, and then confessed my mind was confused, I didn't know where the surgery would be at. W got upset.
Then W texts me saying its unfair to d17 and s13, so they should be there, that it was unfair to make d20 (who is driving me to the hospital) go thru this alone. D20 will not go thru this alone as my Mom and Dad, brother, his wife, and sister will be there at the hospital. I don't respond.
I let her know that I would like to be at her place Thursday to give d17 and s13 to give them hugs. She tells when I can come over, which was nice.
The next text from W is what set me off. W texts:
I will always care for you, and I will always love you. I left you because I can't be married to you. Not because I don't care for you.
I shot off a text response:
Love and marriage takes a lot of work, which neither of us were able to do. So all I hear from you is blah, blah, blah, blah.
My physical today went well, it looks like it's all engines go for Friday's surgery.
