Let's see: I was in bed before H got home last night. When I woke up this morning he was up, so apparently he took his weekly day off today (he gets 1 week day and Sunday). I said, "good morning grumpy pants" with a teasing tone, and he laughed and said good morning. Then I ignored him, kindly, just going about my business.
He hovered around playing with the cats as I got ready for work. As I was walking out the door, he told me to have a good day, which I thanked him for in a bright tone, without slowing my stride or looking back at him.
With that, I'm taking stock of my 180s:
- Less internet time, more time out and not at home. Huge 180. In fact, my computer has been off at home for a while.
- I'm making the bed every morning (I find that I don't sleep too destructively, and it's easy to just slip out of bed and pull up the covers) and making an effort to keep the bedroom clean of clutter.
- Cleaning up after myself in the kitchen, not getting lazy about house work.
- not asking questions as to where he's been or what he's doing.
- Spending time with him like I would a roommate (IE: friendly and not oppressively) watching TV or helping with projects at home, because one of his problems with our R was that we lived in separate rooms all the time.
- Sending (limited and sparse) funny pictures/jokes/observations via text during the work day, because when we first started dating we used to call each other at lunch daily and keep in touch and gradually we slipped into ignoring each other through out the day near the end. I keep my responses chill and spaced out far apart to his. If he doesn't respond, I don't push it with more.
- When he initiates intimacy, I'm enthusiastic and on board and playful. Our R was so sex-starved and it was a big thing for him; this was a big thing our R was based on in the beginning -- not just physically but emotionally/connection wise, too. Right now I'm comfortable with it, no expectations it will fix the R or he'll want to come back because of it. Keeping a close eye on it.
I'm trying to think of some more, good 180s that will benefit me first, and him as a side effect.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
This morning brings a flurry (albeit friendly) of texts this morning from H, talking about bills and reminding me we need to change the gas over into his name. He says he's not keeping the cable internet so I can cancel that whenever I'm ready.
My replies were in the realm of "Sure, not a problem", "I'll call this week", "Yep, you got it."
Kind of hard to be positive and have hope when we're talking about this crap. I hate the assumed finality of it. It just brings my PMA down.
Marching forward, burying myself into work, trying to rise above and just not think about it.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
I too was in a SSM (there was always a kid climbing in the bed:-). Nothing wrong with being intimate with your h provided you have no expectations. My xh also said he had to have feelings for someone when intimate with them. We had lots of S before he moved out and again, I didn't think that would change anything so that was fine.
I understand the weird feelings of transferring bills to others name, etc. Just know that this is the time to focus on you and you wil be fine. Difficult I know.
Hang in there!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/10/1412:57 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
"Well, he's obviously REALLY done. I obviously have no hope. I should just give up and tap out."
I don't want that. At all. But now my PMA is in the toilet and I want to either freak out and get all emotional and pushy on him, or just go dark for a week so I can be miserable alone and wallow.
LOL! I'm being super dramatic. I'll do neither of those things. I'll try to find some hope some place and remind myself it's always darkest before the dawn.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
H texted me thanking me for taking SD12 to get her iPod fixed tonight, and I mentioned that a mutual friend we've both lost contact with sent me a message on a dating site I'm on (just to say hi).
I'm mostly on the site just looking to see what's out there, but the mention of it piqued his interest. Soooo...I lied and told him I had a date, because I was feeling stupid and retaliatory.
He told me he hoped it went well and to make sure he's got a car, a job and doesn't live with his parents and made a few other jokes before the texting died off.
I don't know what I was hoping to accomplish, if anything, but he didn't seem phased.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
I know you are new in this sitch and are struggling. It's a very difficult place to be. Doing something to get a reaction from your h t(the man he is now) will leave you with results you probably won't like.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
I told H last night that when I move out, I wanted to pay for SD12's karate. Both he and her mother are strapped for cash and she'd have to give it up totally, because H said he'd pay for it before we broke up (I had offered, too, but then realized that I was cutting it close and couldn't do it), and now he's not going to have the funds if he's got to pay for rent, utilities and incidentals alone.
She's a brown belt now and has 2 years to go until her black belt. She and I were talking on an outing last night and I'd really like to do this for her. When I move, I won't have rent to contend with, so my situation would comfortably allow for it.
I texted H and he texted back asking me why I'd do that. His exact text was something like "Why would you do that? It costs X, Y and Z. Why would you even want to do that?", which I took as slightly argumentative.
I told him that it was my idea to get SD into karate in the first place(over 7 years ago) and I wanted to help out now. It's not her fault that both he and her mom are in the positions they're in monetarily. I know that SD and I haven't been close in the past and I regret that; there's a lot about the past I'd change but it's not too late now.
I guess in the end we settled on him not minding if I help.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Text discussion about the R started by me and I lost my cool because all he's focused on is the past. Ugh.
So mad at myself.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
What do I have to do to get more input on my thread? I feel like I'm talking to myself.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
