I suppose it was only a matter of time.... I knew he was on match a few days ago. I deliberately didn't look him up. I have the ability to not snoop because I need to protect myself from more hurt. But I'm so angry and embarrassed. How do MLC M ever turn around? Is it even worth it? I know this is his journey, but how do I detach when it feels so "in my face"? It just keeps getting messier.
I looked a few times, then stopped. It was just too hurtful to read about how he was "selling himself" as a great catch on there. Just a bunch of wishful thinking. (I hesitate to say "outright LIES"....)
At some point I feel I must confront this, but now is not the time--for me anyway.
Sorry, Shining.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Welcome to the world of MLC. I can understand the humiliation, but this is typical behavior of someone in crisis. They are out there searching the world for their soul mates and what better way to do this but w/the electronic mediums. He's living out a fantasy and he's trying to find someone who doesn't know him and will stroke his ego and spark some interest in him. Whether it goes any further than email/text exchanges, time will tell.
Do you call and yell at him? No, you make copies of anything and everything that he spends money on. You may need to make copies of some of the exchanges if possible just in case you need the proof later on. You'll find out more if you sit quietly and observe. Keep in mind, the more you confront him, the more determined he's going to be to do what he needs to do to get through his crisis. Also, the more you point out what he's doing, the more determined he will be that he's making the right decision to do the things he's doing. Don't get him that justification.
Mlcers will do a lot of things that they normally would not have done pre-crisis and there's nothing you can do about it. You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. He's got to figure things out on his own and you do not want to act like his mother and point fingers at him when he does this stuff. You have to learn to bide your time and post here to vent. I know it's difficult, but sit quietly, more info will drop into your lap when you least expect it.
It's ok.... I got this. I've been here before. Anger is normal. He cray cray. If he can find a better woman then more power to him. Keep looking, jerk, that's the only way you'll know, I guess. I'm riding the coaster.... I'm good. I'll recover.
Do you know what's really good about this???!?!
1. My recovery time seems faster 2. I'm not crying...a little before but not now. 3. My track record for getting through rough days so far is 100% and that's pretty good.
Good for you for knowing that snooping will hurt only YOU. After I found GUBU's dating profile, I think I lost about five pounds again. Although not as bad as some previous "episodes" of dealing his his actions, it obviously really upset me.
Listen to job ^^^^.
I deliberately have not mentioned this although it's on the tip of my tongue every time he says something like "I'm not doing anything to hurt you!"
I tell myself, it's just fantasy. He doesn't have the self-esteem to prosper in the dating game. But he sure as heck likes to play around online.
Online, our Hs can be "Mr. Wonderful" instead of "Mr. Screwup". And unsuspecting women will give them the attention they desperately seek.
Of course, many of the women are liars too! But if they never actually meet, or even if they do, they don't have to stop pretending unless they want things to become real.
And real would be...well...it would be like US.
Our Hs can't get that from us now because we know their "faults". We don't see them as perfect knights coming to our rescue.
And instead of seeing these as problems to be overcome, it's easier to just hide them from the world and surround themselves with people who don't know the dirty little secrets about what they've done to the people who care most about them.
(Another "reason" why I have to go, in GUBU's opinion. The mask is off. And we can't have that!)
So--no finger pointing, just ignore as much as you can.
Focus on what they're doing RIGHT.
I lose sight of that sometimes myself when I get caught up in the negative.
---GGG
PS: Shining: "I want to call and yell at him. Do I ask him about it? Like why doesn't he grow a pair and just file already???"
I would strongly advise against this, not that you really would, I hope! I did that when GUBU tortured me for two months with not serving me after he filed. I said almost exactly those words. And he took me up on it. Served me the next day. So be careful what you wish for!
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Thanks, job. I didn't call him, nor will I bring it up. I can see where that is tempting, but it will not get me closer to what I want, it will take me farther away. I'm ignoring it, as far as he's concerned....I know nothing. I haven't even mentioned the seemingly "obvious" comments here and there, or something in a photo I would have questioned before all this started... I keep my mouth shut now. I go more quickly now from sad, to angry, and now I'm feeling more embarrassed for him. Like if/when the fog lifts, how difficult it will be for him or realize all he's done. It makes me wonder whether he could face it, or if he will remain stuck. I have the gift of this board and such wonderful support, I have the awareness to process things now. He doesn't. That must be a living he!!.
GGG, I completely agree....he is trying on "cool guy" costumes right now. It's pathetic. The only women attracted to that? Deserve it....ew. They can have creepy guy. I don't know who he is right now. This MLC world is unbelievable. Why isn't there more awareness out there? How is this so hard to diagnose? If not for this board and a few books, I would have been D already with no hope, I would be blaming myself for everything, and probably seeking a "bandaid man" of my own.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of women out there with really low standards.
Just read whatisis's thread about online dating.
It's hysterical! The mere fact that their possible "matches" are breathing and have access to the Internet seems to be enough for some people.
I too would have divorced GUBU way back in the beginning if I hadn't found this board.
But through research, even then, I knew he was in a MLC. I got a book about it.
(Which he got angry about, saying that HE wasn't in a MLC, and sent a picture of it to OW saying: "HAHAHA! How crazy is Goat Gal? THIS crazy! SHE thinks I'm having a MLC, when in fact, WE both know that I'm just a stud in LOVE with his (would-be) granddaughter!!!" I found all this out later. And now it makes me laugh. I wonder if he remembers... Maybe I should leave that book lying around again. See what he thinks!)
Yes. Something is really wrong with them. No doubt about it. But even though it seems everyone around them--who has their act together--can see that they're really making a mess of things, they can't see it.
Then they go and surround themselves with messed up people who support their choices--including new Online Pals---and it's a recipe for disaster.
Hang in there, kiddo.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
And things just keep getting weirder.... Just now, I got a word game invite from H.
Are you kidding me???? Lol....You couldn't even make this stuff up. He is so all over the place...wow. He was low and opening up last weekend, then quiet and withdrawn for a couple of days, then angry and blaming, then seeking dates, and now we're phone game friends again? I'm not playing.
Just wanted to post the cycle of this week for journaling purposes... Why am I even shocked anymore.
