Hi Shining I posted this on your last thread before I realized you had started a new one. It is a poem I read now and then along the lines of UR saying to put the marriage away in a box for now:
The Boxes In The Hall
In every Room of our time together there is a box, Of memories we shared, Now is the time to pack away, With Sadness and with Care.
The first is a simple smile, When ever I thought of you, Neatly folded into four, It's the best that I could do.
Next are all the memories, Of the times when we were two, Wrapped with love one by one, Sealed with tears as glue.
And then there are the butterflies, I had when you were near, Now in a cage of sadness, And locked up with a tear.
Next are the times we kissed, Each one wrapped with a sigh, Placed next to a rolled up list, Of all the times I've asked my self why.
Now to pack are the pieces of my heart, Gathered in a pile, Each one wrapped up tenderly, And placed next to a distant smile.
Finally all the shattered wishes, Placed in softly so no more can break, Covering them over trying not to cry, So they would not all ache.
Lastly walking round each room, Closing each and every curtain, Shutting each and every door, Leaving behind each and ever pain.
Gathering up the memories we shared, Making sure I've got them all, Packing them softly because I cared, Leaving them in the boxes in the hall.
Adrian Baillie Published: Dec 2008
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Dam, I was looking at all the boxes in my own hall that are waiting to be picked up by W while I read that poem. Getting teary eyed is not the best way to start the day. If only our MLC S's could read and understand things like this. They wouldn't get it at all!
My boxes aren't packet yet, but I have been collecting them, as well as bubble wrap... and making a mental inventory of what I will have to leave behind.
My home, my animals... it's hard.
The poem was great.
I'd like to think my H would see the sadness in this. But as Matt said above ^^^ they probably wouldn't. My H has said that a painful divorce and having to sacrifice anything for his new life is just my way of putting a negative spin on things. "That's just all YOUR drama."
Yup. We're gonna have the funnest divorce ever!
Meanwhile, I'm still collecting boxes...
-----GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Hey GGG(G), even while she has been causing so much pain and destruction to me, her kids, her own mother, extended family, etc. my W STILL is saying that our D is just so very "easy", no sacrifice, no pain. Of course it helps her that the sacrifice is being made mostly by myself and our D's. She just will not admit that any of it is being cause by her filing! Yep, just my drama. Has nothing to do with her actions... crazy!
Ok, friends. Before I post/vent/document/journal/bash....
PLEASE KNOW I'M OK. I'm not even mad. I'm not seeking sympathy. I'm kind of relieved, in a strange way. I do, as always, appreciate support and hugs, lol....but I'm not having my "Pity Party of One". Just keeping it real, and keeping you all in the loop.... the loopty-loop of loopiness.
Last night, SD19 posted something on her fb that sounded concerning. She can be a bit of a drama-attention seeker, but sometimes it's worth just a check-in, because she does have troubles.
So I reached out with my usual simple text, of "u ok?" She usually responds "yeah, thanks" or just upset about love, life, work, etc. But, not this time.
In just one long text response, as I'm watching the little dot-bubble on her side, thinking, "wow, long response...she must be really having a hard time, I hope she's alright...." Her text came in.
She's depressed because of H and it's really getting to her. I hate that she has to see this, and I'm so sad for her. I hope she can get help for it at some point, because she will need it. She dumped more info than I wanted to learn, but now, I'm glad I got it. It is REALLY HELPING ME SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE, AND DETACH. He's one sick puppy. Uffda.
So, H wasn't moving last night at all, like he told me....twice. He wasn't moping, upset or stressed about the move last night, at least not yet....that will come. I'm wishfully thinking and way ahead of myself on that. No, H had a "visitor" over when SD19 got home from work. D was not happy. After said visitor left, H then showed D on his phone, there are about 4 ow .....4.....he's going between that he met on match and some other app. Also, ow#1 comes back from her trip today. According to SD19, she is stalking H, he doesn't want anything to do with her and says she's crazy....lol...and he showed D that he threatens to block ow#1 number for lighting up his phone with constant texts. But, (and I preface this by the fact that this means absolutely nothing to me....zero.) D said H was talking about me, too. And how great I look, and that none of these ow even come close compared to me. H was describing one of the ow body type to D and he said TO HER it's not as good as mine....WTF. I don't need that kinda crazy anywhere near me. This is actually making it easier to realize, yeah... He's waaaaaaaayyyyy gone. Wow.
Why so many? Sick, sick, sick. Icky. And there is no EA. Shouldn't there be? Is this common?
Haha....well....the crazy keeps getting crazier. Just like the vets said....I'm so glad to know that I can rest, and I will no longer worry about H because: 1. I didn't break him, and I can't fix him 2. I have zero control over what he does 3. He is a liar and I can't believe anything he says 4. He has a looooong way to go and I'm going further away, a la, Fast and Furious style.
Yeah....I got suckered. I was believing he needed me, and I felt sorry for him...I still kind of do. But I'm not sinking on his ship. <<<<. Now I see the difference.
I got this. Oh, I'm gonna be ok.....I'm gonna shine on, shine on, shine on.... It was a ping of pain, and wrapped in an ugly form of mental imagery....but it was a gift. And I know it was a gift because of how I feel today. Grateful.
.