Thanks everyone for your feedback! What an incredible blessing to literally have a TEAM of folks steering me in the right direction. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to unload here before I act. And I promise to not take drastic actions (e.g., [censored] or get off the pot convo) until I check in with you all. I will go with the consensus to keep it slow and steady because obviously I've got more learning and growing to do.
Today went well. I was really distracted with my work training which was great since H was at the outing with OW. I really didn't have time to dwell on it. And he texted me all day, as promised, with what he was up to. Which helped. I kept my responses light and appreciative.
Tomorrow night we will go overnight for a vendor event through his work. We're both really looking forward to enjoying some time together.
Staying the course...and as always, will keep you all posted.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
This all really, really resonated with me, Train. I definitely think I'm feeling more ballsy as he's seemingly getting more firmly on the 'hook'. Your insight is amazing
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Tomorrow night we will go overnight for a vendor event through his work. We're both really looking forward to enjoying some time together.
Details please. What is the purpose of the vendor event? Who will be there? What is H's goal there? What is the evening's schedule? Dinner on the menu?
We would love to pitch here and give you some support so the awesome MDU will shine throughout the night!
Wonka, a vendor H regularly uses is hosting a bunch of clients (and their spouses) at a fancy hotel for 1 night. We get to stay at the hotel, have a nice dinner (with the vendor and other clients), use the spa (H booked massages for us). H will attend some informational sessions the vendor will be hosting as well so I'll have a bit of time on my own, which is fine by me. I'll enjoy the pool or whatever.
Honestly, this stuff I feel very confident about and find easy. I know we will have fun together. We're already very flirtatious about spending the night together
Actually, that's exactly what worries me. I feel like we have the fun/flirty stuff down pat and the sex will be great, without a doubt. But then I start getting anxious that we are sweeping things under the rug. That was an issue for us historically. We conflicted a lot early in our M but struggled to resolve things so then we became avoiders. I'll definitely totally enjoy our time together but I know I'll walk away with a gnawing, ok, so that's the EASY part, when are we going to deal with the real stuff. As I said, I'm so concerned we're feeding the avoidance monster that really took down our M. I don't want to make that mistake again.
Having said that, I do recognize that this fun event is NOT the time to get heavy with H. So I'm not saying that at all. Just giving some more background to my general pushiness in prior posts. Hope that makes sense
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
You've got that boundary of living at separate addresses. As the others have said, enjoy him like a new boyfriend. Deep down I'm sure even you know he won't be living at his Dad's place for the next 12-24 months. He'll want back in eventually and he knows the conditions for his return. Until then, enjoy your new relationship.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Actually, that's exactly what worries me. I feel like we have the fun/flirty stuff down pat and the sex will be great, without a doubt. But then I start getting anxious that we are sweeping things under the rug. That was an issue for us historically. We conflicted a lot early in our M but struggled to resolve things so then we became avoiders. I'll definitely totally enjoy our time together but I know I'll walk away with a gnawing, ok, so that's the EASY part, when are we going to deal with the real stuff. As I said, I'm so concerned we're feeding the avoidance monster that really took down our M. I don't want to make that mistake again.
Having said that, I do recognize that this fun event is NOT the time to get heavy with H
Right now, mdu? You sound like a woman who has her sh!t together.
The time is coming when y'all will deal with all the monsters that brought you here. But you are spot-on: that time isn't tomorrow. (A friendly disclaimer from my own personal experience: don't drink so much that you become emotional and loose-lipped tomorrow night!!!)
I don't get the feeling at all that you will eventually rug-sweep. And the good news is y'all have agreed to MC, which will be a safe place for these issues to surface ... and for you two to work through them.
Grace under fire, mdu. Grace under fire.
GRACE.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Not sure if you will be able to read this before tonight's event, but I am gonna go ahead anyway!
-Nice dress that accentuates your best features -Lipstick, hair nice & sexy -Spritz of perfume -Be the social butterfly and support your H by saying positive stuff about him in front of colleagues and vendor
-Then seduce H slowly and surely with light flirtatious touches -Then pull him aside in an isolated spot and whisper something dirty, sexy in his ear then sashay right back to the crowd to mingle
