Well its my first time here as a member but have been reading a few posts by others. My Fiance has just left me out of the blue, called a moving truck and had her things taken to storage and would not talk about the relationship and what went wrong exactly and just wants communication with my family and my daughter from a different relationship, no real reasons givin just left, ill start from the first:
I was in the middle of another separation at the time I met her, I have a daughter with the ex. We met 5 years ago at a work, we fell for each other right away and were never apart, she helped me through my other separation which was a nasty money battle witch left me with nothing. So our jobs were camp jobs away from home and she was from one side of the country and me from the other, she moved out to nova scotia and we got a house together, everything was perfect, we worked for the same company and had the same shift, together 100% of the time and loved it, we would come home on our days off (14-7) shift and go bacxk together as well, I had taken another job offshore working 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off, this only gave us 6 days home together every 5 weeks, it was stressing me out to the max and I was getting angry at everything and didn't even know it making our supposed to be quality time stressful as well. We sold the house to rent another while our new house was being built, still the same stress from working away from each other but now the added stress needing money to build this new house, I was stressed and mad all the time and didn't know it. and to top it all off I was in and out of court with my ex because she is miserable and would do everything in her power to ruin my new relationship, its like it was her mission in life and I let it get to me. Now I didn't see what I was doing to the relationship but she pulled away as well. We had so little time together that we would have good days then it seemed like our last day all the built up stress boiled over and we fought our last day home together and went back to our jobs mad and forgot about it and never really dealt with anything and just let it build up again. She choose to do a fitness competition which consumed her life and our time together was no longer together because of this, no more goinjg out to eat or for drinks, we just stopped doing all the things we used to do to have fun, no parties or anything. I would get mad about it, she couldn't see the problem, we just kept getting further and further apart, she finally asked me to go to counseling in the middle of a fight and I shot it down because I was mad at the time then it passed and we both thought everything was alright. Our new house was finished in april 2014, all was good again because of the new place. Then the ongoing stress of so much time apart and paying for the new place and the extras that come along with a new house. She was taking her job home with her and it was making me angry because we were already apart to much then to take more work home. I didn't see how mad I was getting and she didn't see how much she was ignoring our time together, finally she told me while I was away and her mind was made up, marriage plans were off and she wasn't wearing her ring and and she was moving out, we got home the same day from work and I begged and pleaded with her but nothing worked, she cried and balled asa well but said she cant do it anymore and my anger was to much, her sister in law came along to help her and she saw my side as well as hers, she has tried to talk to her but she is shutting everyone out, I am currently going to a counsellor to deal with my anger and she is seeing one as well. She said she will go see the one im talking to to help me and my daughter but not for the relationship, she has gotten some real bad advice along the way from people she doesn't even know as well. this happened about 5 weeks ago and she moved her stuff out 2 weeks ago, im stressed to the max because I know we can make this work, we had plans for her to move home here and stop working away but never made it that far, my daughter loves her to death and is taking it hard and she loved my daughter as well, not sure how she can just up and walk away without even talking first, ive been giving her space and not talking but I feel that's just making her decision easier, any advice while I wait for my books to show up, thanks
I know it feels like being amicable and giving your significant other space feels like allowing or "accepting" what's happening, but in truth they're EXPECTING you to do the opposite, so when you don't it confuses them and pulls them toward you.
Figure out how you can make some 180 degree behavior changes to improve your life and take care of YOU and don't chase her. When someone is chased, it just pushes them further away and makes them WANT to escape to get away.
You'll find great support on these boards!
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
things that don't make sense to me are that we just built this brand new house and there was no real notice given, I asked her why she left without telling me there were problems and she said she doesn't believe in threats to make me change, I don't see that as a threat but instead a conversation addressing issues that need to be worked on. Also said she is just to exhausted to work on it anymore and she cant come back because if there is no change it would hurt to much to leave again, she seems very serious and its really getting to me. Im not calling or texting unless my daughter wants to talk to her because she said she doesn't want to lose contact with her and still wants a relationship with her. I feel our jobs and being apart so long are what brought on this stress and anger and we had plans for her to stop working away, I think that she feels she can find someone else who is perfect. She has wanted kids since day one and still does, we had plans for a family, she is now 27 and im 33, I toldher the grass isn't always greener on the side and we have come this far to just walk away, she doesn't listen, this was over 2 weeks ago and weve had almost no contact since then. I know she is dying to have a family and this working away was to pay things off so that could happen, she is just staying in hotels and renting cars on her time off or staying with friends, it must be getting to her but who knows, hard to tell with no communication, its driving me crazy.
She is goinggoing to see the counselor that I have been seeing tomorrow afternoon, should I ask her how it went as I won't be around, I'm leaving for work today for 3 weeks. There is am appointment for the 2 of us made for whenwhen I get home but she is saYing she Might not be around for that one. I'm reading the divorce remedy now but still looking for some help.
This not having any contact is killing me because I couldn't have it if I wanted to, our jobs are so far apart and we are only off for one week at the same time every 5 weeks and she isn't around when I am off, I know she left in a hurry and I thought she would regret it but it doesn't look that way anymore. Her stuff is all moved out of our new home and im stuck making every payment, it driving me crazy and I just cant figure her out, the time she did call was about an over due bill and she seemed fine on the phone like nothing was going on and nothing was bothering her, I don't know what to do next.
Im not sure if im doing something wrong here but ive been reading other posts and people are getting answers and some great advice but im getting nothing, a few views and only one response, maybe only certain members can see my post?
It sometimes takes a while to get folks to chime in. I'm a newb and my initial impressions on what gets traffic:
Once you have read DB or DR, and start using the lingo, people respect your posts more because you are putting in the work.
Posting in other people's threads - if only to offer support and to let THEM know you are listening - is a sign of empathy and may draw interest. These boards are BUSY...and they cycle through pretty quickly. I'd guess 100 active threads in "Newcomers" alone.
Try to use good grammar and structure your posts in a way that is pleasing to the eye.
Post fairly frequently, read success stories, etc. You'll get the hang of it.
As far as your sitch goes...read DR. There's a ton of information in there. If your fiancee has basically checked out, you need to research 180s, GAL (Get a Life), Last Resort Technique, etc. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES. But you can begin to put your own life together, which is typically very attractive to your significant other.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
I'm sorry you find yourself here. This board is a wealth of knowledge and support. While I'm not a vet, a few things jump out at me about your post. Please know that my goal is not to be harsh-just commenting on what you've stated.
You met your fiancé during your separation and spent 100% of your time together. Had you really healed from your prior R? I ask because the attention from your fiancé may have served as a distraction. Also, if she met you during a tumultuous time she would not see the *real* you. Perhaps this relationship was built on filling a void and not facing your previous issues. I'm not saying you don't love your fiancé-just saying that this sounds like a R with codependency from the way you describe it. Issues *apeared* once the excitement wore off. Does that make sense? Why did your previous R end?
Also, you refer to your ex a a witch. Listen, we all vent here. However, you still sound angry about THAT split. That anger combined with other factors appeared to spill over into your current R. Your fiancé said she can't deal with your anger.
Being/working apart can be stressful. I think it's great that you are seeing an IC for your anger. Focus on working on things that make you a better person. Going to couples' therapy would be a waste now as your old at is dead. Doesn't mean you can't build a new one if you choose.
Detach. It does get better!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/17/1412:19 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
It takes time to get responses. I agree with shakspr, go visit other posts and chime in occasionally. Once you are off moderation your posts will be seen faster and you will start to see more information flow your way.
I visit people who are in the same sitch as me. Often times the advice they get applies to me, or can be modified a little. If nothing else, it will help you feel less alone. Good luck and I wish you the best.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I'm sorry you find yourself here. This board is a wealth of knowledge and support. While I'm not a vet, a few things jump out at me about your post. Please know that my goal is not to be harsh-just commenting on what you've stated.
You met your fiancé during your separation and spent 100% of your time together. Had you really healed from your prior R? I ask because the attention from your fiancé may have served as a distraction. Also, if she met you during a tumultuous time she would not see the *real* you. Perhaps this relationship was built on filling a void and not facing your previous issues. I'm not saying you don't love your fiancé-just saying that this sounds like a R with codependency from the way you describe it. Issues *apeared* once the excitement wore off. Does that make sense? Why did your previous R end?
Also, you refer to your ex a a witch. Listen, we all vent here. However, you still sound angry about THAT split. That anger combined with other factors appeared to spill over into your current R. Your fiancé said she can't deal with your anger.
Being/working apart can be stressful. I think it's great that you are seeing an IC for your anger. Focus on working on things that make you a better person. Going to couples' therapy would be a waste now as your old at is dead. Doesn't mean you can't build a new one if you choose.
Detach. It does get better!
Thanks for the reply, as for my old R, it was over long before we actually split, she would lie cheat and steal, at the end we were just living together because of my daughter, she didn't want it to work and neither did I, there was no trust left and it was a poison situation. I did bring anger from that split over to my new relationship because obviously my EX got the house, a new SUV and spousal support payments from me at $4100 per month, and she still wanted more so the court battles were a regular thing, I just wanted away and gave everything to be free from all the mess. I absolutely love my fiancé, I feel the stress of being together all the time for the first few years then all of a sudden only once every 5 weeks got to both of us including moving all the time and building a new house, I was angry at everything and she saw it as me not being happy in the R. When we were both stress free we got along great, just like when we were brand new and it was awesome, it just took so little to set me off that it threw us back into a rut then before we knew it we were back at work. Im in the middle of reading the DR right now while at work, she is currently visiting my parents and daughter while im out here, she saw my counsellor yesterday and I don't know if I should ask her how it went or just leave it. Thanks.
Well I got an email today from my fiancé telling me to call her while I am at work and she is visiting my parents and my daughter, she wanted to tell me about the appointment she had with my counselor, she said it seemed like he was pushing for the relationship to work and like it wasn't focused on me. I told her that's not what he should have been doing and he mentioned to her about trying a trial relationship to see if she noticed any changes in me, she wasn't totally opposed to it but said she cant be hurt again and needs to think it over for a few days while she goes to see my friends who are a happily married couple, I didn't push the idea at all just said I was up for it if she felt she could do it, she said she doesn't want to give me any false hope because she really doesn't know if she can try again and get hurt again but im looking at this in a positive way, before she said its over and her mind was made up, she had also seen a counselor to deal with own issues, hoping for the best, any other advice?
We talked again and it was her idea, she said shes still working on herself and needs to figure things out because she has done wrong herself, she wanted my work schedule to plan a time to be home together and talk, she wouldn't get into relationship stuff but I found out that when she first left she took me off of her work benefits because she was mad, she called and said she was sorry and had already called to get me back on and that she was just mad and shouldn't have done it, im hoping this is a small change and her therapist is actually working with her for a future together and not just helping her walk away.
Well this thread isn't getting much attention but ill try again anyway. I emailed her from work and said we need to have a quick chat, maybe this was wrong im not sure, its been 12 weeks since we saw each other because of our jobs, she wont be home again this time that I am but the next time in November she will be and said we can talk about what went wrong, finances and other things, I really want to have a talk before that because its driving me nuts and I need her to know a few things, like how hard it is right now financially with a new house almost 500,000 and all the other bills she walked away from and to tell her that I still want counselling to make us work, any insight on this, I want to have some contact before we meet so she still knows that I actually care.
I'm sorry you find yourself here. May I make a suggestion for getting more responses on your thread? Utilize the signature feature with the vital stats. Day of BD, ages, etc. I find the signature jogs my memory about what is going on in each poster's sitch. When its not there I have to go back and read the whole thread to remember what's going on. You mentioned she is seeing a therapist. Are you seeing one as well?
Try to use good grammar and structure your posts in a way that is pleasing to the eye.
Stealth, I hope you take this in the spirit in which it is intended. Your posts are really hard to read. They show up as one big giant run on sentence with no punctuation, no capitals, and no paragraphs. I'm guessing that you are using voice dictation from your phone. I believe you'll get a better response if you take a little extra time to make them easier to read.
Try to use good grammar and structure your posts in a way that is pleasing to the eye.
Stealth, I hope you take this in the spirit in which it is intended. Your posts are really hard to read. They show up as one big giant run on sentence with no punctuation, no capitals, and no paragraphs. I'm guessing that you are using voice dictation from your phone. I believe you'll get a better response if you take a little extra time to make them easier to read.
Yeah I am currently offshore and have very limited time online. She is seeing a therapist and I am seeing one about my anger as well. In a previous post I mentioned that she said "I don't know what to do, I don't want to give you any false hope and yes we will try". When we talked on the phone before she started to cry and seemed like she was willing to try but wouldn't come right out and say it. I talked to her sister without her knowing and her sister told me that she was sad when she talked to me and said I sounded very positive and what she is doing is really hard and making her sad, she said she didn't know what to do. She visited a couple friends of mine and she said she is scared to try again because there might not be a change in me. That's why im wondering if I should talk to her when im home and tell her whats going on because we don't have any time together so she can actually see the changes ive been making, and I have been making some, its just a bad situation all around.
Well we are going to be talking tomorrow night. I'm just thinking I should bring everything up from the financial issues all the way to asking if she will come see a therapist with me to see what direction this is headed.
Now she did take her ring off but when I call her cell I still come up as "hubby" and she still has all of our pictures together on her Facebook, its really confusing.
We will be meeting for a face to face talk in November but I think I need to get some stuff out in the open before then and it will give us time to make an appointment with a therapist for that time as well. I'm totally lost.
Don't give up waiting for responses. Once you are off moderation, things will speed up.
In order to help, we may have to ask questions, okay? Had you fallen in love with her while you were still in the former relationship?
I am glad to see you realize you need help managing anger. Hopefully, it will help with the stress also. When my stress builds until I can't deal, my anger is bursting to show out. We need to find some healthy outlet, b/c anger does damage to others and to ourselves.
Did you have similar problems in the former relationship? Life is full of stress, and can kill relationships.
Others will come along to offer support. In the meantime, read the Divorce Remedy book and Michele W. Davis DB material on YouTube and the articles here on the web site.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Don't give up waiting for responses. Once you are off moderation, things will speed up.
In order to help, we may have to ask questions, okay? Had you fallen in love with her while you were still in the former relationship?
I am glad to see you realize you need help managing anger. Hopefully, it will help with the stress also. When my stress builds until I can't deal, my anger is bursting to show out. We need to find some healthy outlet, b/c anger does damage to others and to ourselves.
Did you have similar problems in the former relationship? Life is full of stress, and can kill relationships.
Others will come along to offer support. In the meantime, read the Divorce Remedy book and Michele W. Davis DB material on YouTube and the articles here on the web site.
I was on my way out of the last relationship when I met her, it was over just making it final at the time. I had feelings for her but wouldn't say I was completely in love.
The problems in the previous relationship were nothing like these, before it was all about my ex stealing money and never going to work etc. This time its because w work to much and never see each other. That was the plan to pay things off and have her move home and stop working away but the stress of never seeing each other got to me and I was always angry and I guess I took it out on her.
We will be talking on the phone tonight and I'm not really sure what to say, I have some ideas.
I think just talking with a positive, upbeat attitude will help. Sound like a confident man who is in charge of his emotions. Ask her how her visit went, what's the latest thing your daughter is in, etc. Kind of mutual territory for you both. I would not bring up the subject of the relationship or other problems. Make it a good call (on your end, at least). Mostly listen to her and validate when you can.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think just talking with a positive, upbeat attitude will help. Sound like a confident man who is in charge of his emotions. Ask her how her visit went, what's the latest thing your daughter is in, etc. Kind of mutual territory for you both. I would not bring up the subject of the relationship or other problems. Make it a good call (on your end, at least). Mostly listen to her and validate when you can.
I was very positive and upbeat last time we talked and she cried then told her sister that she was sad with what she was doing. Tonight she is expecting a talk about the relationship and wants to talk about some stuff before we meet next month.
Her sister has told me she wants a relationship but cant jump right back into a romantic one right away, and that's fine, at least there would be something to work toward.
She is never going to be able to see changes if we never talk or see each other. I'm considering telling her how I feel about her but not in a pushy way.
I think she is having trouble just calling it off completely because she is dying to have kids and we just built this new house, I don't know, she said she would try again but is scared I won't change. She won't see changes if she keeps avoiding time together.
do not tell her how you feel about her, she left you! she knows how you feel. if you need to "tell her" tell a picture of her how you feel. get it our before you talk to her. it's like the movie "something about mary". you don't wanna walk around with her without cleaning the pipes. sandi, i'd love to have some of your unique insight on my sitch. stealth, best of luck bro. don't give up!
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
Stealth- seriously, this call is not about what you want and what you need. It is about what she wants and she needs.
Guaranteed she will rehash a bunch of old grievances from the past. If you defend, explain, minimize, say she misunderstood you, she is t remembering right, she did things worse to you or that forced you to respond that way, etc...all you're doing is showing her you havent changed. LIKEWISE if you focus on what you want, what you need, etc...it STILL will show how you haven't changed.
As my DB coach said, neglecting your needs is NOT the model for how the new R would work. You have needs too, and there will be a time to voice them with a C, etc. But this call is NOT that time. Until she is committed to R and interested in your needs you have to hold back and be patient. If she asks you how you feel it's probably a test. Be reserved and confident as Sandi said.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Well we had our talk, it started off normal and then became about our future together. She said I haven't been giving her what she deserves and what she's worth (her counselors words) and her company sees her potential and appreciates what's she's doing and she said that if her job sees it then someone else will too weather it's one or ten years down the road and she can't risk coming back to me for a maybe.
I did tell her I Love her but never got emotional or angry and I did tell her she's making a Mistake. I probably shouldn't have but I couldn't help it. She said she can't see a future because she has been trying so long and I don't appreciate her. I told her working away so much obviously had a part in it but she didn't want to hear it.
She said she still wants to be friends if I will allow it and still wants to talk to and see my daughter and my family. I don't know what to do. I am really considering calling and getting the engagement ring back do I can pay some bills, maybe that's wrong but I'm stuck and right now I see no hope.
She also said that she was mad that I put off getting married and having kids. I didn't put it off, we both agreed to wait until our new house was built and were making plans to do it soon but these jobs and never seeing each other put it on the backburner, maybe my fault for not taking charge and doing it sooner.
She saisd she felt that she put so Much into the relationship and never got it back from me, She feels unappreciated and finally just had enough. She it's trying to get that appreciation from her Job because she is good at it and they see it and tell her how good she is, I guess I wasn't doing that. She said she just cant do it anymore. It's really to bad because I now see what I have been doing wrong but she wants none of it.
Stealth, I don't want this to sound as if I'm talking down to you, but what will you tell your daughter one day if she says, "I couldn't help it, daddy, it was so & so's fault"? One of the early steps in this is to take responsibility for yourself. When people say they can't help that they said something.......or they ask specifically what they should do and then do what they feel like doing.......I say yes you can help it. You are a grown man. Yes, of course you can help it. But this stuff is not for wimps, so you have the choice to act like a man who is responsible for his own behavior.......or continue to say you can't help it and never grow beyond this point.
There are a lot of people looking for help. I hope you get more serious about the advice given to you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Stealth, I don't want this to sound as if I'm talking down to you, but what will you tell your daughter one day if she says, "I couldn't help it, daddy, it was so & so's fault"? One of the early steps in this is to take responsibility for yourself. When people say they can't help that they said something.......or they ask specifically what they should do and then do what they feel like doing.......I say yes you can help it. You are a grown man. Yes, of course you can help it. But this stuff is not for wimps, so you have the choice to act like a man who is responsible for his own behavior.......or continue to say you can't help it and never grow beyond this point.
There are a lot of people looking for help. I hope you get more serious about the advice given to you.
I am serious and an ready to do what it takes, I'm just looking for advice for the next step, if there even is one.
I'm wondering if I should ask her to talk about financial issues and ask her for the ring back. All this is hard because we don't see each other but will in the middle of November. Should I wait until then.
First of all, know for certain what you want. Second, protect yourself.
Has she told you without a doubt that there is no chance in hades she will reconcile? If that is her belief, she should have given back the engagement ring. What's she going to do with it other than the same idea you have.......sell it. So, if you want to ask for it back, and if you know you will not be giving her another one, then get it back. But if you are no,ding out for reconciliation, I suggest you don't sell it b/c then you'll have to buy another one for her. .
Whatever your hopes and plans for the future, I believe you need to get legal protection ASAP! Also. Protect your finances. Did you have any joint accounts, credit cards, property, etc.? If she is through with you........she may be advised to take advantage b/c she's worth it.
As for the rest, look for Sandi's Rules and start applying them. Even though it may not feel like you should be doing them, they do work when you have a walk-away. There are no guarantees you'll get her back. However, if you will stick with us, I bet you will grow and become a better person than when you first arrived.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
First of all, know for certain what you want. Second, protect yourself.
Has she told you without a doubt that there is no chance in hades she will reconcile? If that is her belief, she should have given back the engagement ring. What's she going to do with it other than the same idea you have.......sell it. So, if you want to ask for it back, and if you know you will not be giving her another one, then get it back. But if you are no,ding out for reconciliation, I suggest you don't sell it b/c then you'll have to buy another one for her. .
Whatever your hopes and plans for the future, I believe you need to get legal protection ASAP! Also. Protect your finances. Did you have any joint accounts, credit cards, property, etc.? If she is through with you........she may be advised to take advantage b/c she's worth it.
As for the rest, look for Sandi's Rules and start applying them. Even though it may not feel like you should be doing them, they do work when you have a walk-away. There are no guarantees you'll get her back. However, if you will stick with us, I bet you will grow and become a better person than when you first arrived.
She still seems like she is mad and confused, she is working like crazy and preparing for another fitness competition and 100% of her time and energy is being put into this. She said that she will meet me in mid November for a talk and whatever else after her competition.
She is still wanting a friendship and she still talks to my friends and family, i dont know anymore. I will go back and re-read some of the divorce remedy. Maybe I will wait until we meet to get the ring back, that will give another month, maybe there will be some sort of change by then.
[quote]She still seems like she is mad and confused, she is working like crazy and preparing for another fitness The anger and confusion will be there as long as she is in this frame of mind. And, placing 100% of herself on a competition shows how unbalanced her life is right now. She has placed the competition above her family and marriage. Who does that? A WAW does it.
Stay out of her way. Take care of yourself and the kids.........and live your life with the attitude you will be fine with or without her. Btw, the "feelings" of this will not come right away, but act "as if" and the feelings will catch up.
You may want to check out a good family therapist for you and the kids. They need guidance through this, too.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
[quote]She still seems like she is mad and confused, she is working like crazy and preparing for another fitness The anger and confusion will be there as long as she is in this frame of mind. And, placing 100% of herself on a competition shows how unbalanced her life is right now. She has placed the competition above her family and marriage. Who does that? A WAW does it.
Stay out of her way. Take care of yourself and the kids.........and live your life with the attitude you will be fine with or without her. Btw, the "feelings" of this will not come right away, but act "as if" and the feelings will catch up.
You may want to check out a good family therapist for you and the kids. They need guidance through this, too.
This same thing happened during the last competition she did and we really never quite recovered from it because every time an argument would happen it would be brought up about how I didn't support her and I would bring up how hard it was on our relationship.
The last one came pretty close to breaking us, our lives went from being outgoing and fun to never leaving the house unless it was to go to the gym. Never went out for supper because she had a special diet, could never relax and have a drink, our lives just stopped and when I tried to get her to go out and do something there was an argument about how I wasn't supporting her, and I would say that she wasn't supporting our relationship, I could have been wrong but at the time I was upset because of our already limited time together was even less now because of this competition.
She would live on her ipad and iphone looking up meals and talking to her trainer and other gym friends, like I wasn't even there and I got mad about it, there were times I tried to talk about it but it usually turned to a fight.
When she said she was doing another one I couldn't believe it. After what hell we went through last time it was going to happen again. I talked to her about it and we agreed to be more open and have a life this time, I said I would support her in it as long as it came back my way as well and the same things didn't happen again.
I could see it happening again, the constant texting her trainer and her trainers husband who is some sort of counsellor I found out a while back who I have seen has given her some very bad advice. He would tell her that if she is not happy someone else can make her happy, saying that she is very sexy and anyone would be lucky to have her among other things. She never talked to me about their talks but never denied them, finally she said she doesn't feel appreciated and her trainer and her husband helped her see that.
We would be out on a date and she wouldn't put her phone down, texting and taking pictures of the band and sending them. I got mad after the date, I had asked her nicely to put the phone away and she just couldn't do it. She kept saying "its only Richard, Hes gay" And yes he is, but that's not the point I told her, the point is this is our night and you were complaining we didn't do anything fun, So here we are at the place that she picked and the cell phone is the most important.
The next morning at the hotel I was getting ready and there was a text coming in on her phone, she had messaged her trainers husband and told him about how I got mad about her phone use. I feel that she is so obsessed with this competition and her job that nothing else matters, it didn't last time either.
She is doing the competition on Nov 15 and going to meet me to talk a few days later, I am just wondering if I should just not go, or see her and just ask about the competition and not talk about "us", or try and get her to see a therapist, but not for the relationship. just to talk and get some stuff out because I still have a lot of questions and if im going to get over this and move on I need to know what happened so it doesn't happen again.
In the weeks leading up to this meet should I have zero contact with her or be making small talk and asking how the competition is going and her job, just still confused here with all this. She really seems to think that I haven't been working on myself and just trying to get her back this whole time, she is getting so many screwed up answers from so many different people its making her want to leave and not look back because they are her friends and they are pumping her up and telling her how special she is and deserves more.
I'm really thinking that this no contact is what she wants, I feel she is using the time to get over me and everything she walked away from. Everything she is doing just doesn't make sense and she seems totally fine with it.
Not sure what to do when I meet her next month, or if I even should, and if I do what should I talk about? The relationship? How to go our separate ways? Or just get answers that I didn't really get yet and leave it at that.
The good news is that you're reacting too soon. I know a few days or a week or two feels like a long time of no contact. It's not. It's WAY too soon to interpret reactions. Yes, it may be what she wants right now. That may change. Will you change? What changes do you hope she will start to notice next time you see each other?
As for the training, that is tough. I am a world class pool player and my life has been out of balance in the past due to pool. I thought since I was so good she should love me for it, support me, feel lucky to be with someone so special. Now I realize its a game and it only mattered in my own mind. But I was constantly dissatisfied with my W and felt she should worship me for my greatness. Crazy. I lived in a fantasy world.
Not much you can do if she lives there. She may have to rejoin the ordinary world to some degree. In the meantime work on you. Then again, maybe you can do a 180 with recognizing her accomplishments and being more supportive. Oh, not now, not directly. But how might you suddenly show her that you admire what she's able to do in a way that's not pursuing? You've got time, give it some thought. It is clearly a primal need she needs met, and while it looks like she's getting that from another source, she might prefer to get it from the man she loves if he was able.
Be patient and have faith. In your sitch but mostly in yourself.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
The good news is that you're reacting too soon. I know a few days or a week or two feels like a long time of no contact. It's not. It's WAY too soon to interpret reactions. Yes, it may be what she wants right now. That may change. Will you change? What changes do you hope she will start to notice next time you see each other?
As for the training, that is tough. I am a world class pool player and my life has been out of balance in the past due to pool. I thought since I was so good she should love me for it, support me, feel lucky to be with someone so special. Now I realize its a game and it only mattered in my own mind. But I was constantly dissatisfied with my W and felt she should worship me for my greatness. Crazy. I lived in a fantasy world.
Not much you can do if she lives there. She may have to rejoin the ordinary world to some degree. In the meantime work on you. Then again, maybe you can do a 180 with recognizing her accomplishments and being more supportive. Oh, not now, not directly. But how might you suddenly show her that you admire what she's able to do in a way that's not pursuing? You've got time, give it some thought. It is clearly a primal need she needs met, and while it looks like she's getting that from another source, she might prefer to get it from the man she loves if he was able.
Be patient and have faith. In your sitch but mostly in yourself.
I know it seems soon but she moved her stuff out at the end of August, I have only spoke with her a few times since then and haven't seen her because of our jobs. There is the problem, the work schedules and her training, we don't see each other or speak so any changes I do make will never be seen by her.
I could send the occasional email or text to see how her training is going and say im proud of her but im not sure that's such a good idea. Maybe I should just wait until I see her in November.
I just don't know anymore, it makes this really hard because there have been things I really did work on and change and I see them myself and so do other people around me but she is avoiding me and only comes around while I am away at work.
Well I have a small update, I messaged my finances mother to just basically say goodbye and thanks for everything as I haven't talked to her since this all this happend.She said she was sorry and my fiance (her daughter) has also shut her out and a lot of it started around the same time as these fitness competition's. She said she had become a different person.
Now her mother told me that my fiance has been talking to her best friend who is also like her mother and she is going to visit her next week. My finances mother said she is going to see her best friend (mother's best friend) next week and broke down to her on the phone and said she doesnt know what she's doing and if its the right thing and needs to talk. She has told her she either needs a hug and some help, a kick in the ass to smarten her up or both. She really trusts what this lady has to say so hopefully something good comes from it. My fingers are crossed.
Also one more thing, ill be meeting her in November after her competition like I mentioned to get the ring back and I also want some answers.
I want to know if I should ask her then why exactly she left in such a hurry and what made her so mad or just wait. If I ask for the ring back I'm sure it will be over right then because we already dont see each other and haven't since she moved out. Our jobs dont allow us to see each other and that gives her no opportunity to see any changes I've made. She has not tried to contact me at all except to say happy thanksgiving. That's all. I haven't contacted her either. I jUst hope when she visits her mothers friend she talks some sense into her
Also one more thing, ill be meeting her in November after her competition like I mentioned to get the ring back and I also want some answers.
I want to know if I should ask her then why exactly she left in such a hurry and what made her so mad or just wait. If I ask for the ring back I'm sure it will be over right then because we already dont see each other and haven't since she moved out. Our jobs dont allow us to see each other and that gives her no opportunity to see any changes I've made. She has not tried to contact me at all except to say happy thanksgiving. That's all. I haven't contacted her either. I jUst hope when she visits her mothers friend she talks some sense into her
The last time we talked she said "I think we need to move on" . I don't know if that's what I should actually do and start dating or at least be open to it, or keep on with focusing on getting her back. We will never see each other unless she actually comes to the same province as me to meet and even then its not to see me but to visit my friends and do these fitness competitions. Our work schedules are making any contact impossible.
Even in the future it will be hard because of this. She is staying all over the place and looks like she really is done and I thought she might contact me by now to maybe try and talk, not about getting back together but about something, anything. She walked away from everything we worked so hard for and hasn't really given any answers. Im still really confused as to what direction to go with this.
If you're not sure that's a sign to be patient If she isn't contacting you it may be because she doesn't trust herself to handle the conversation. Doesn't sound like apathy, or she could talk casually. Don't ask for the ring back. Just not a classy thing to do and can't help. It's like temperature checking. Don't send her positive emails. Let her lead on the frequency and tone of contact. Do commit yourself to 3-6 months of hard personal growth REGARDLESS of what signs or lack of them you get. You'll never regret it and may witness a miracle. Do remember she is not the person you think. Don't be fooled that she is a fantasy that will solve all your problems. She is just another troubled woman...but one you committed to. Stand by those commitments.
Easy to say, hard to do. Ps- not a bet, just my thoughts. Tough road, hang in and post often. Talk more about what YOU are working on. That you CAN control! Good luck!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
This is not to discourage you, but to give you something to consider. When either person in a marriage makes something more important than their relationship, it's a prescription for death to the M. If the two of you are having these issues before M, will it get better after the wedding? If the two of you can't find time to meet b/c of schedules, will that get better later?
Sometimes we may have to concentrate on school, training, military, medical, professional, etc., that requires a lot of patients and understanding from the other spouse. But when the one involved in these things are not offering any encouragement.....you have to question what is behind it. Not every R can withstand a regular based separation. Perhaps this what you need to decide.
Even in war, letters can be written to loved ones. There has to be a little effort and encouragement given to the one waiting for the time they can be together again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This is not to discourage you, but to give you something to consider. When either person in a marriage makes something more important than their relationship, it's a prescription for death to the M. If the two of you are having these issues before M, will it get better after the wedding? If the two of you can't find time to meet b/c of schedules, will that get better later?
Sometimes we may have to concentrate on school, training, military, medical, professional, etc., that requires a lot of patients and understanding from the other spouse. But when the one involved in these things are not offering any encouragement.....you have to question what is behind it. Not every R can withstand a regular based separation. Perhaps this what you need to decide.
Even in war, letters can be written to loved ones. There has to be a little effort and encouragement given to the one waiting for the time they can be together again.
Ive been doing a lot of thinking and she is in town where we used to live together and im out at sea working and am getting the chopper out today. We will be meeting Thursday and she will be giving me the ring back. She wants to see my daughter and says we can talk about things, im just not sure what to talk about.
I want to tell her how much she hurt me and what it has done to me emotionally and financially and it actually makes me a bit angry thinking about how she dealt with this.
On the other hand I don't want to bring that up and be as patient as I can and tell her how proud of her I am with her competition she just did and she came in the top 10. I emailed her the night before and told her good luck and said ill be rooting for her and told her she will do great, she responded and said thanks and that it really means a lot to her.
Also I feel like this is my chance to do anything to try and keep her/get her back, after meeting this time there is no telling when we will see each other again, could be months. I don't know if I should lay it all out on the line and tell her our old relationship is over and we should start our new one, start fresh, I don't know anymore. Ive done a lot of thinking and put myself in different situations in my head and I really cant picture myself being happy with anyone else, she is amazing and my daughter loves her.
And to answer you questions about time apart and if things will get better, all this working apart from each other was for her to be able to move home and for us to build this house that we just finished. For us to have kids and have a normal life, we were looking for a fresh start and the jobs, competition, my frustrations about not being together enough got in the way. Funny how working and fighting to be together can tear you apart.
I just don't know how to handle this, if I just act calm and play it like we are just meeting as friends then that's all it will be because shes going back to work and we wont see each other, I don't want to start begging either because I know that wont work, do I just lay the offer of a new relationship on the table? do I ask her to go see a counsellor with me? I have been working on myself, ive been going to the gym a lot more, ive worked on my anger and know what has been setting me off, im a lot more calm now and other people see it too, not just me, not sure she will ever see the change if we cant at least try. Or the last and most painful option, do I just take the meeting as friends and walk away and never look back, meeting Thursday and driving myself crazy the last few days.
Well, this is just my opinion. I would start off by congratulating her. Then wait to hear what she has to say about the future or the relationship.
Now I am the type of person who believes in putting the cards on the table before entering into something with misunderstanding or doubts. I want to know where I stand....and the other person. I think it is particularly important before getting M.
Thus far, she has made competition her main focus....to the exclusion of you and your child. How will this affect a future family with more children? How will children cope?
Is she able to balance these important areas in her life? Can you continue to have another year like this one? B/c it may (or may not) be a glimpse of years to come. What is she willing to do to compromise, and what are you willing to do?
I think you need to get it all out there in your meeting with her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, this is just my opinion. I would start off by congratulating her. Then wait to hear what she has to say about the future or the relationship.
Now I am the type of person who believes in putting the cards on the table before entering into something with misunderstanding or doubts. I want to know where I stand....and the other person. I think it is particularly important before getting M.
Thus far, she has made competition her main focus....to the exclusion of you and your child. How will this affect a future family with more children? How will children cope?
Is she able to balance these important areas in her life? Can you continue to have another year like this one? B/c it may (or may not) be a glimpse of years to come. What is she willing to do to compromise, and what are you willing to do?
I think you need to get it all out there in your meeting with her.
well we made an agreement to meet tonight so she could play with my daughter for a bit and while shes in preschool tomorrow morning we will meet and deal with our stuff.
When she got here she seemed really reserved and kind of shy or something. Soon though we all played whatever my daughter wanted and this went on for about 2 hours, everyone had fun and a few laughs.
When it was time for her to leave we went out to the door alone and I noticed my name on her phone was changed from "hubby" to just my name, I said "you finally changed my name in your phone" but not in a mean way, kind of just joking around, she started to well up a bit, I put my arms out to give her a hug and she came in, while hugging her I said I was very proud of her and she looked great, she started to cry and just held me, I gave her a little kiss on the head and she cried some more. I held her for a bit and I avoided breaking down, she left while crying and is going to a hotel now and we are meeting again in the am. I'm not sure how she feels, still 100% done or saw a small change and maybe missed what she had while here, this was her first time seeing me since she left. A bit confused.
Now that her competition is over she might be a bit confused, I'm not really sure, she called me before we met and I didn't really have time to talk so I didn't answer right away and she got kind of upset like she was wondering where I was and what I was doing, I didn't tell her where I was until later and she said " something seemed fishy because you always answer me" . I just told her I was busy. I'm not sure how to read this because I really didn't expect her to start crying.
Well we ended up meeting the next day (Friday morning) I gave her a hug and told her she looked good. This was the meeting for me to get the ring back and to discuss what we are doing with the house and to get some answers.
We were having a coffee and talked. There was a break in the conversation, I asked if she was happy with everything, she broke down a bit and said no and this isn't what she wanted but she had to do it. I was about to lay everything out on the table and tell her how I felt. Before I got a chance she asked me if I was willing to try again and that she had made a mistake. I was kind of shocked to hear it but kept it together.
I said yes I would love to try again but there would need to be changes with both of us. She agreed completely and we booked an appointment right there to see a counselling couple in Jan when we are both home from work. We agreed that there has to be a new way of communicating and that after we work on this for a small bit that she will be moving back here to work and its going to be a new relationship, our old one is over and we just use it to address issues during counselling, nothing else. we have been talking everyday and will be making a list of things that bothered each other and will address this during counselling.
We agree that it will be hard and there will be lots of emotion but we can do it. We will use our time apart at work as our dating period and then once we are ready she will move back in and stop working away, looking at this as a fresh start. Im pretty happy about all of this. Thanks to everyone for your help.
stealth, don't want to throw water on your candles but slow down cowboy. don't become to emotionally invested in this "reunion". i hope and pray for your sake that it works but this is kinda sudden and out of the blue. has she changed? have you changed (enough)? all questions to ask yourself so in a few weeks you don't end up in the same spot. you know there is a reason that easy girls aren't respected. IT"S BECAUSE THEY ARE EASY!! she didn't do any work to get you back did she? again i hope i'm wrong and i'll be praying for you.
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
stealth, don't want to throw water on your candles but slow down cowboy. don't become to emotionally invested in this "reunion". i hope and pray for your sake that it works but this is kinda sudden and out of the blue. has she changed? have you changed (enough)? all questions to ask yourself so in a few weeks you don't end up in the same spot. you know there is a reason that easy girls aren't respected. IT"S BECAUSE THEY ARE EASY!! she didn't do any work to get you back did she? again i hope i'm wrong and i'll be praying for you.
She really has seemed like she changed, she has acknowledged some things she has done wrong and so have I, she has been seeing a counsellor and so have I, we both know that there are no guarantees here but we both agreed to work on it, it will be slow at first and working on things rather than jumping right into anything again. Its still progress because a little while ago there was little to no hope, im not sure I understand the easy comment, this isn't a girl I just met.
not making a comment about her per se. i would never disrespect your wife like that! it's more about you in the fact that she may or may not be serious. it'll take time to know that for sure. i do agree its progress just don't want to see you get hurt. do you want to go through this again? just be cautious and be safe. good luck!
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
I believe she is serious, she has told everyone she is close to that we will be trying again and taking it slow with no promises and that we will both giving it 200% and working on past issues without bringing up the problems to fight about, we found a really good marriage counsellor and will be seeing them. Getting hurt again is a risk everyone on this forum is taking isn't it? Just about everyone here is trying to get someone back.
It's great news... hope you both can work the R issues and come out of it stronger.
I just think, like the others here said, that you need to be caution and really work on issues.
I read all your tread and it does not mention much details about your changes and what are your vision for the future.
Hope things work well for you, but please pay attention that it's not only about her coming back, it's how it will develop from there, some issues may come back to haunt you. Work hard on your anger, it's very difficult to deal with anger, it is ugly and cause a lot of extra stress.
Good luck... take baby steps, be patient, and be a better person.
It's great news... hope you both can work the R issues and come out of it stronger.
I just think, like the others here said, that you need to be caution and really work on issues.
I read all your tread and it does not mention much details about your changes and what are your vision for the future.
Hope things work well for you, but please pay attention that it's not only about her coming back, it's how it will develop from there, some issues may come back to haunt you. Work hard on your anger, it's very difficult to deal with anger, it is ugly and cause a lot of extra stress.
Good luck... take baby steps, be patient, and be a better person.
Pink
Well as far as changes ive made, it starts with my anger and realizing when im getting mad and stopping it before it starts and finding a way to deal with it like going to the gym, going for a ride on my quad or Harley, going for a walk in the woods or sometimes just taking a step back and looking at why im mad in the first place. Im dealing with it pretty good and have been in situations where before I would flip out but have caught myself and dealt with it, im pretty happy with how ive handled it.
As far a future vision goes I see it being a slow transition from never talking to being friends again. We have been talking daily in text message and a few times on the phone. She has been very cautious in what she says by not saying she loves me in text and on the phone, I haven't said it either because I really think she isn't there yet. She wants to go slow and deal with this one step at a time, and I agree we cant rush back into it because there are no guaruntees. She said she doesn't feel comfortable staying in the house while we are trying this and especially before we have the appointment with the counsellor. I can see her point because its been months since we lived together and she sees it as living together and shes not there yet, I understand and am not pushing anything on her because that might scare her away. It will take baby steps to make it work it just really seems like she is scared and nervous (She actually said she was nervous). I can see why she feels this way, she will want to see changes and wants to get some things out to the counsellor we are going to see. She doesn't want to be hurt again and doesn't want to have to put either one of us through this again, that being said, she said that she is willing to put in 200% into this as long as I am as well. I have high hopes but it will take work and be hard, ill need to be patient with no guarantees.
The counsellors we are going to see are a highly recommended married couple specializing in relationships and marriage counselling. We are doing a dual session with both of them and both of us, im thinking it will will be good but it will be an ongoing thing for awhile before she feels comfortable enough to move back in, im trying to be as positive as I can with this, I know nothing is guaranteed but my fingers are crossed.
In saying everything I have she is sayi9ng that she has never gone back on a decision before, and as far as ive known her she hasn't, that's why I was so convinced that she was done. She said her gut was telling her she was wrong, she is saying that going to talk to these people is the first step because she just doesn't know how to handle these feelings she is having. I know that she will try with everything she has as long as she convinces herself that this is what she wants and she is able to do it again. She wants to try but is just scared.
Stealth, I am so glad you are taking it slow, step by step in the right direction. When I think about I am sure if I had any opportunity of reconciliation, my H and I would need to take it very, very slow to heal so much pain we are going through.
Congrats on dealing with your anger, you doing a great job finding ways to diverge the anger and do somethings you like, productive. This process of making yourself a better man is amazing, I am sure you feel good about your progress.
Be patient and continue doing what works, be happy...
Stealth, I am so glad you are taking it slow, step by step in the right direction. When I think about I am sure if I had any opportunity of reconciliation, my H and I would need to take it very, very slow to heal so much pain we are going through.
Congrats on dealing with your anger, you doing a great job finding ways to diverge the anger and do somethings you like, productive. This process of making yourself a better man is amazing, I am sure you feel good about your progress.
Be patient and continue doing what works, be happy...
Keeping you in my prayers! Good Luck!
Thanks for all the kind words, I really appreciate it.
We talked the other day and she said some wounds are still raw and she feels like she was "punched in the guts" when it came to us getting married and me putting it off really hurt her. She never came right out and mentioned it in that way but I was putting it off but not because I didn't want to marry her, just because we had so much on the go, moving all the time, building a new house, our jobs away from each other, She said we could just go in front of a judge and have him do it but I knew that's not what she really wanted, I wanted to make it the wedding she dreamed of but I never communicated that to her in the right way, the last little bit has been a major breakdown in communication on both our parts and that's something im really working on and she agrees that its something that needs to be addressed and really worked on if this is going to work and last like I want it too.
I am just giving her space now, we are still chatting daily but i hope she doesn't get to scared to actually try again, that is what she said her biggest fear is.
Her fear is very understandable, I would say you have some fear too... after so much pain you went through, it's not easy to open yourself without any guarantees.
But you are doing great, giving her space and time to work on her own issues. And, I think the greatest accomplishment is that you two want to work in the communication and make it better. This is very important if this is going to work.
Oh, I am a little jealous of you (in a good way). Today I will meet H to talk about our D. He told my S20 that he is done, he has feelings for someone else, he needs to move on, he wants to be friends with me, he cares deeply for me.
It would be so nice if we were talking about maybe giving our M a chance, but maybe it's too late for us. We will see. I still have hope, I still feel that he loves me, I can't explain it but I feel it.
Keep doing what works, seems you are in the right track. Congrats on the hard work. Be patient, you will get there.
Her fear is very understandable, I would say you have some fear too... after so much pain you went through, it's not easy to open yourself without any guarantees.
But you are doing great, giving her space and time to work on her own issues. And, I think the greatest accomplishment is that you two want to work in the communication and make it better. This is very important if this is going to work.
Oh, I am a little jealous of you (in a good way). Today I will meet H to talk about our D. He told my S20 that he is done, he has feelings for someone else, he needs to move on, he wants to be friends with me, he cares deeply for me.
It would be so nice if we were talking about maybe giving our M a chance, but maybe it's too late for us. We will see. I still have hope, I still feel that he loves me, I can't explain it but I feel it.
Keep doing what works, seems you are in the right track. Congrats on the hard work. Be patient, you will get there.
Hugs! Pink
well you never know what will happen, when we met last it was to say goodbye basically and her giving me the ring back, we had a talk then she broke down and asked if we could go see someone to get help and see if we could make it work.i wasn't expecting that at all but it happened, it could for you too.
There was never anyone else on the side with us but who knows, ill be rooting for ya.
You were right, we never know. I tough H and I would talk about the D, but nothing. He did not say much about, we had a good time.
I did many things wrong though, my emotions got the best of me, had one too many glasses of wine. It all finish with him taking care after me.
And we end up in my bed, what was totally wrong at this point. Next day he came to the house to see if I was OK and to apologize for taking advantage of the situation.
He said that because he cares so much for me that his feelings are mixed up and he knows he needs to follow his heart and brain that are saying he needs to move on, but he feels he needs to distance himself and give me space to be happy.
He cried a lot saying it's being very difficult for him because he feels I am not doing good.
Well, I need to pick up myself and go dark for now. In a good way because we have the kids. But I need to reassess my goals and I don't see any way around. I need to distance myself from him.
I don't feel too good. I made a mistake and I feel bad that I could not control my pain. It's so hard.
Hope you are doing well and things are moving along w/your W,
Thanks for your support, it means a lot for me. Pink
You were right, we never know. I tough H and I would talk about the D, but nothing. He did not say much about, we had a good time.
I did many things wrong though, my emotions got the best of me, had one too many glasses of wine. It all finish with him taking care after me.
And we end up in my bed, what was totally wrong at this point. Next day he came to the house to see if I was OK and to apologize for taking advantage of the situation.
He said that because he cares so much for me that his feelings are mixed up and he knows he needs to follow his heart and brain that are saying he needs to move on, but he feels he needs to distance himself and give me space to be happy.
He cried a lot saying it's being very difficult for him because he feels I am not doing good.
Well, I need to pick up myself and go dark for now. In a good way because we have the kids. But I need to reassess my goals and I don't see any way around. I need to distance myself from him.
I don't feel too good. I made a mistake and I feel bad that I could not control my pain. It's so hard.
Hope you are doing well and things are moving along w/your W,
Thanks for your support, it means a lot for me. Pink
Soory I didn't get back to this sooner, im back offshore and hard to get online. Sorry to hear about your situation but it does sound like he has feelings for you, I had heard the same thing at first as well, she said she needed to separate herself from me, she thought I wasn't happy and her heart told her she had to leave and we had to move on. I took what she said and just did my own thing. Then she came to meet and to give me the ring and must have saw something and she wants to go talk to someone. She is still very scared, she hasn't said it recently as we have been talking but I can tell. She had said before that she has never has never reversed a decision before and doesn't feel right doing now so she is being cautious, im giving her space and not talking about relationship stuff, that can happen when I get home and when we go see someone to talk to.
We are going to have a little xmas with my daughter when I home and she is going to spend new years with us. She said she doesn't feel right staying in the same house right now because she said it might be to hard and she already wants to decorate and things like that, she said its really hard on her and she is confused, im not pushing her to stay but I offered if she wants too. I said I would stay in the other room and we can just hang out, whatever she wants.
I guess we will see what happens when I get home from work. How are you doing?
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