Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[BigMac]

I hope she notices.

I see a pattern here. She basically ran out of money, maxed out her cards, has kids in her life instead of just living a single care free life.

So, every time there is a casual interaction there is something she "needs". And I keep pushing back. I'm tired of the financial extortion. I'm tired of the escalation of control talk to "lawyer up".

So, i'm trying to nip that crap in the butt. I guess being a bit firmer with her that I have had to be when she was on her "summer vacation".

On the plus side, I feel really really really detached right now. I'm in a new town, meeting new friends, and really liking it.

Is it bad that life is better without her in it?

[BigMac]

Contact update,

W txt'd me today, telling me that S8 wanted me to see her new cat. Saying I could come over if I wasn't passive aggressive or argumentative.

So, when I stand up for my boundaries. When I remind her that she is a big girl, and responsible for her own decisions and don't just throw money at her she thinks I'm being argumentative.

I've spent an ungodly amount of money. I've put my career on hold, I've moved across the country just so the kids can have two parents.

Am I being passive aggressive by saying I need to think about an expenditure?

[BigMac]

Challenging interaction

The WAW got her first taste of friends ostracizing her for her behaviors. Of course she blamed it on me. I had to explain to her that most of our friends disagree with her behavior.

She is starting to get the point that people in our community don't agree with her behavior. And that there are consequences to her actions.

Of course this is "all my fault"....

[BigMac]

Ok, need some advice.

Got in a txt conversation with the WAW. I may be reading into something, but I think that the affair with the OM has fizzled. She got a place down far away from him, and has had the kids so she can't stay over.

She mentioned in a txt conversation that "she has no one". She also mentioned that I have been going out and getting a life, and that she has none.

So, question to everyone. What is the protocol when the relationship with the OM fizzles?

[pilot]

Keep doing what you are doing. She has to come to you and WANT to work on the relationship. You cannot go running to her.

[BigMac]

Thanks Pilot,

I'm trying to be strong and consistent. It has been only a week since seeing her for a couple days packing up the house. The interactions this week have been tumultuous to say the least. I am getting the full brunt of her emotions. I have been strong. I have been a good dad, a good person.

And I went completely dark labor day weekend and just was me.

I do like that she has been seeing me get a life, and feels that she isn't getting a life. I do have a coaching session scheduled tomorrow, hopefully I can pick the coaches brain even more.

I keep oscillating back and forth, but maybe I have a shred of hope.. or maybe its all going to hell in a handbasket.. who knows.

[BigMac]

It's been over a week since I last posted.

Current status is that the W is more angry then ever. Me and the kids moving into the same town as her, and her taking the kids part time is really amping up her stress levels.

Also, with the kids around it is has put a slight hamper on her ability to interact with the OM.

Every time she interacts with me it is with extreme anger, with minor exceptions. I honestly have no clue what the hell is going on in her mind.

The lies continue, about random stuff. I will always love her, but she is insane. I don't see how people stick this out for years. It wears on my soul and on the kids health.

[sandi2]

So, question to everyone. What is the protocol when the relationship with the OM fizzles?

You continue doing what you have been doing. Just b/c the A ends does not mean she wants to go back to you. But it is a necessary step in that direction.

Try this on for size. When you see her extremely angry and lashing out how your life is great and hers isn't .........it's actually a positive sign. Her life is not going as she imagined it would if she left the M. She is tasting reality, and she wants to spit it out!

Step One: End Affair
Step Two: Anger
Step Three: Going Through Withdrawal (depending whether or not she gets through withdrawal without contacting OM again will decide if she moves to next step)
Step Four: Depression

She will have her own personal "stuff" to work through. Hopefully, at some point, she will begin to pull out of the fog and make logical decisions.

[BigMac]

Thanks for that Sandi2 I get so freaking confused.

I am the owner of Divorce paperwork as of a coupe weeks ago, and she maxed out all of her credit cards (so she says). I did see the OM at her house, so I'm not sure if it ended, but I know for sure that she isn't staying over at his house every night.

And apparently from what I hear from friends is that he doesn't want to be involved with the kids and doesn't have a habit of staying in relationships long.

It may have ended and then they are re-engaging, I am not exactly sure. I do know for sure that she is acting completely vile towards me right now. And seems to be very angry at me all the time.

[pilot]

BigMac,

I am not completely caught up on your sitch, but I believe from what I read somewhere it is possible your W could be lashing at out you because her OM is noth working out. If in fact that is the case. Regardless, just keep your chin up and keep being your awesome self. Always try to be that person she fell in love with. It will be hard for her to hate that version of you.

Keep up the good work!