Settlement will be signed soon. Need advice.

[NewB3]

She also goes shopping, and like she used to....loves to show me what she bought. She actually sat down next to me on the couch yesterday and showed me some shoes. I gave full attention and she even out them on and modeled them. Chatty chatty chatty.
Most interactions (90%) are face to face, so telling her I am busy may be rude? I can touch her without her pulling away or waking off. Weird what is going on here. Keeping it light and being her friend. Joking around and making the type of jokes we used to enjoy.
Mind reading here.....she is trying to get and keep my attention because she feels guilty. Second thoughts as I quickly move forward, unlike the past few months? Maybe she misses what we had and since I am still here and in the bed.....
I still do fixes and upkeep on home. I continue keeping upbeat, clean home, and cook. I gives words of affirmation related to her being a mom. I rarely if ever....give compliments on her looks.
However, she never compliments me, but I do catch her looking at me a lot. I ignore and keep my head up. I look and smell nice daily. When vouching it with the boys, I make sure I keep present and keep electronics away.

[NewB3]

I am dying inside. I am doing all I can at this point as far as the LRT. There are things she cannot reach in the kitchen or in the home so she calls my name and asks if I can get it for her. She asked me if I can fix things for her that she sees are not working. I nicely oblige. When she got home from therapy last night I told her that I had plans to go out with a friend. I was almost dressed. Before I left I finished getting dressed up a little bit of cologne nice hair nice pants and a nice shirt. First thing this morning she asked how was it last night. My answer to her was it was fun.
So now Mr. Bond, she is not only asking questions but also asking for my help with things. I know the chatting this is because of guilt but asking me to help her with things seems like she wants some closeness? I'm still although now divorced and living in the same house and still in the same bed being very patient, quiet, friendly, and all while still doing my one 80s.
I am reaching out again just to try and understand a little more. She does want to help me with anything however she wants me to ask as she doesn't want to be pushy. I have noticed that if I do ask for help on anything related to my real estate situation, she is almost chomping at the bit to help. I get questions like did you hear from the realtor yet. I also get questions like did you get an answer do you know a number.
I stop calling her on the way home months ago. So today on the way home from work although I had plans tonight I asked her to send me a scan of some paperwork. I figured she would wait a while. However, I got the paperwork within five minutes and her asking if the scan was good or should she do it again. I just said looks fine thank you. That was the last time we spoke this evening and by the time I get home she will be asleep.

[NewB3]

I also know it's weighing heavy on her heart as well as mine that we will tell the children next weekend. Also a friend of mine that came to visit with family a few weeks ago at our home send her an email last week. He thanked her for allowing the family to stay with us and mentioned that he had talked about the situation we have since the beginning with me. He mentioned to her that this was not a last ditch effort to save our marriage but he wanted to reach out as a friend and tell her something. He told her that he's never known me to love anyone as much as I love her. He mentioned that if she ever had an inkling that she may have different feelings for me in the future that she reach out to me. He didn't expect a reply however a few hours later she reply. She replied to him that their family was welcome at her home any time. She also thanked him for reaching out. She asked that they stay in touch.

[Ss06]

NewB3, you guys are officially divorced but the children don't know? Ugh, my heart just aches for that conversation. Telling our daughter was probably the hardest part of this whole thing thus far. She has handled it with grace and strength and has strangely been an inspiration to me on how to handle the weight of all this. She's very wise beyond her years.

I wish you the very best with that conversation. May I suggest you remind them it's not their fault and make sure to tell them how their lives will change (will they go to the same schools? will they still see grandparents?).

[igit]

Newb3.just read your thread. I did read the Gary Smalley book getting w back before its to late. Great reading, helps alot, I feel for you, I am probably not to far behind you. I was served a few weeks ago. Been dealing with this since feb.it's hardest thing I have ever gone through. I'm still DBING and sounds like you have done all you can. Keep your head up you and only you can determine when it's time to give up. D is just a piece of legal paper.it sounds like you and w ended things peaceful. Good job on that. You were at your best and w will remember how you treated her in this difficult time.

[NewB3]

So I assume it is normal to feel so lost at this point?
I am still doing it all. Everything I have learned here, read, etc..
II waited until this morning to tell her I was off today. Going to meet banker, realtor, etc.
She asks how many homes I am seeing...wishes me well. Her actions do NOT match her words. She shares with me this am that she has a very hard conference call this AM and she has been losing sleep over it. I told her some affirmation stuff and let her know I am always here if she wants to talk. I then grabbed her hand, looked her in the eye and said have a good day, you will be fine. Working on being vague, very few details, yet enough to not make her think I do not want conversation.
Still hurting. I want my WAW to snap out of this all, before I move. I make no efforts to talk about us or R. I focus on kids and day to day. I gave up on 5 love languages long ago, as hers is gifts and words of affirmation with a little acts of service.
I affirm her motherhood and her kindness, maybe once a week.
Guess there is nothing more to do, other than to be patient. Running the hills of this marathon and realizing it is a tri-athalon, swimming is next and hope not to drown.

[NewB3]

Looking at several houses today got home and she was all smiles and ask me how it went. I was vague and said it was good. She followed with did you find something? I answered no it's a little frustrating. She said tell me about it and she was all ears so I gave her a very brief summary of the situation. I didn't get up to leave the room and she said thank you for sharing. I waited a few moments took a deep breath but back in the room and said I wasn't sharing I was telling you these things because you always want to offer me advice. You have said in therapy and you have said here at home that you will help me in anyway you can. She then followed up with well only if you ask. I said if you're offering to help me with something I know absolutely nothing about I'll take your help however I'm not going to ask you every single time.
Long story short here she showed me a few homes that she had seen that look like pretty good deals however after running numbers they came out on the high-end just like the houses I was looking at. She went to pick up S3 .5 I cooked dinner she got home ran in the door through everything in the floor went back out to the garage to get S3 .5. I walked to the garage to look and then stopped myself. She did not ask for my help and I'm not going to be around in the future to help. She chose this divorce and she's created this situation herself. I reminded her today when talking about homes that it was frustrating that I needed her help because I trust her 100%. I'm angry with her for putting me in the situation. I also mentioned how frustrating it was to have to buy home within a time limit. It's kind of like buying a car when you need one or when you have to have one.
Needless to say I ate dinner alone while she sat in the bedroom reading and crying. I asked S3 .5 to go and apologize to mommy and go talk to her they had a long talk and since he was in there a long time I went and checked he pointed out that mommy had tears I said yes I see that it's too bad. We watched a TV show as a family and I was going to read S3 .5 stories before bedtime as I'm going on a trip tomorrow. She then gets up and says to him you and daddy can come to mommy in when I go to bed. So we went in and as I used to on my own I rubbed her legs and showed him how to do it and her feet all through the blanket. Then he crawled up and gave her a hug and a kiss. She looked at me as I stood over her and Eileen down and gave her a hug and she reciprocated it was a very sweet and loving hug I whispered in her ear thank you for everything you do for me I appreciate you. I've been turned and Kister on the cheek and she said thank you for that it was nice.

So ladies and gentlemen this'll probably be my last update for a few days as I'm going to spend some quality time with the guys. I would really like some advice on what could be going on in her mind or what I can do to facilitate this relationship a little more prior to leaving the home. I really need some vets to weigh in here. I plan on going dark as soon as I move.

[NewB3]

Had a great guy's weekend nice and relaxing. I called WAW yesterday after being gone for more than two days and ask to face time with S3 .5. She said sure and immediately got him connected. She stood there with him and help him stay in frame. She coached him on some things to tell me about so that the conversation would flow better. I really made no effort to speak with her. However, once he was done talking I asked to speak to her and she said she would call me right back on the phone. She called and with a smile and her voice said I hope you're having fun. I replied yes I'm having a lot of fun. I was vague into the point. She asked if I had heard anything on the homes I had looked at. My answer was not much and I found another home to look at. She knew the address of the home I wanted to look at. I laughed and said yes that's the one. She followed up with well you know I like to look at real estate and I saw that one.
I'm so confused right now. Lost. Lonely. Sad. Confused.
I feel I have no sense of direction at this point. Yes I can keep doing what I'm doing, however, I am not sure what's best anymore. Any input would be helpful.

She calls as I'm driving home and asked how far away I am I know she's had a rough few days with S3 .5. I also know that this is what's coming for her and I think she sees it.
I am not sure I can be there for her as a friend once I move out. I will help parent but only when it's my turn. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. She's getting what she wants and is going to have her own time when she doesn't have S3 .5. I really wonder how long she will enjoy her quiet and serenity before she realizes what she's done.

[NewB3]

Been home most of the day. S3.5 was happy to see me, and WAW....well, she told me every detail of their time together. Showing me things they bought, talking about their adventures....etc. She was receptive to my touch and appeared to want my full attention.
She asks how my weekend was, and I said it was good. vague and no details. She later asked about the guys and if we talked. I said we did talk, she then said what did they say. I said "say about what"? she said "did you talk about us?" I said...nope.
Found a home, asked WAW opinion of it as she wants to be helpful. she was so vague and fickle. Then after i prompted, she said it is a nice home for the money.
I later hugged her goodnight and attempted some touch. She was not receptive, so I backed off.
Looking for guidance....

[NewB3]

This is really weird stuff. I was doing some work on the home computer this evening trying to get my records together. After a few minutes of that I decided to snoop although I know I shouldn't. I looked at the history to see as of today she's been going back and looking at all of the video links I've sent her in the past few months. She got to where she would not look at my emails when I asked her about him weeks later she would say oh I haven't had time yet. I knew this was a delay tactic of hers to avoid conversation. Most of these videos are inspirational videos to lift your mood some of them are just funny but I didn't share a ton of them maybe three in the past two months.
It's funny now she's trying to catch up and she's looking for any topic to have discussions on.
Why now?
Any of the vets care to weigh in on that question or any of the ones above?