Laughing today at the difference in communication compared to mos ago. W has text me several times this morning unnecessarily. Asking about when something is due (she has the form with her), then asking what time our MC appt is (it's on our shared calendar). Even simple 'ok' responses when I provide answers. Maybe I'm just on her mind today?! Far from piecing, but it's definitely a night and day difference.
Nervous, but anxious for first MC session tomorrow night. I struggle getting through everything I want to say with my IC, let alone sharing time with someone else!
Train/Starsky/Wonka/anyone else- I'd love to hear advice on how to treat W right now. Feels like it's somewhere in between a friendly neighbor and a girlfriend?? Or am I still in friendly neighbor mode?
Down boy, Tar. I know you'r feeling really good...but gotta keep your guard up at all times UNTIL everything is on the table. Not too sure yet as I am wary of W's shell game.
Not only do you ONLY act like a neighbor, you also CONTINUE to act strong, confident, decisive, convicted, assured.
I soooo wish, as a woman, I could spend one day in the brain of a man. And that y'all could spend a day in the brain of a woman.
If you were to spend a day in the brain of a woman who is attracted to men, you'd see we are attracted to men who are (first and FOREMOST) confident, competent and strong. That is very possibly the VERY FIRST thing we see. (I could go on a tangent here about the psychology of many women's "bad boy complex," but I'll spare you. I WILL say I think it has something to do with women finding a strong, confident man practically irresistible. But I digress ...)
Now that you seem to have somewhat re-attracted W to your M, it's time to focus HARD on re-attracting her to the man she fell in love with.
Remember: even if you pursued her when y'all were dating, she was already smitten. Your role NOW is different: it's starting from scratch. In other words, you have to help influence her to be SMITTEN.
Is that making sense?
Be cool. Be strong. Be confident. Be irresistible.
No more pursuing!
Can't wait to hear about MC!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Just got back from first MC session. Not too much accomplished since 1/3 of the time is dedicated to insurance/forms/program overview. MC will meet with each of us individually next week, then back together, then 4 weeks of solution based therapy should we decide to proceed.
Just talked about the basics- our history, current status, how we got to where we are now. We both seemed pretty honest about things and i felt like we both understood where the other was coming from. W said this was basically a last ditch attempt and that she feels a lot of 'mommy guilt.' OM was brought up (by W) as a current hurdle and the seriousness of their relationship, but I didn't want that to be the main focus, so no contact letter was not addressed. I did say that I didn't feel they could be friends if we were trying to R.
W did start to cry a couple times. She expressed anger at me for moving back to the house, so I briefly explained my reasoning behind it (wasn't my idea to separate, wanted to be with the kids). We agreed that our approach right now was trying to build our friendship since we had gone on so long without much positive communication. MC indicated we had some positives working in our favor, especially giving this a shot after being S for a year.
As we left (drove separate) we talked about this week's plans. W mentioned coming over Thursday for dinner and possibly staying over. Not sure if I feel worse or better about things. On one hand it was painful to hear W say she was not attracted to me right now and had gotten used to being S, but on the other hand she showed emotion, is sharing her feelings and seems to be giving an honest attempt. Suppose that's how MC starts, huh? Patience continues...
No less than five or six times you put off painful -- and necessary -- boundaries with your wife, deferring them to your upcoming MC session. Now that none of that was addressed . . . what is your plan?
No less than five or six times you put off painful -- and necessary -- boundaries with your wife, deferring them to your upcoming MC session. Now that none of that was addressed . . . what is your plan?
Starsky
Yes, I was thinking about that last night as I lay in bed. I'm going to have to re-address the no contact letter and full transparency. I don't feel that she can 100% commit to R while still in contact (however limited it may be) with OM. MC did seem to agree with my side on that, but didn't go into specifics to put in place.
I can't go another 2 weeks until we meet with MC together again to address.
Far from piecing, but it's definitely a night and day difference. 