Dealing with WAW part 5

[pilot]

I also wanted to chime in from a woman's perspective... well, more a wife's perspective and say that seeing your H getting involved with children, having fun, making them laugh, helping them realize their potential, encouraging them...

Thank you ss. I really appreciate your input. As well as your kind words.

Talk about roller coaster. Last week I was ready to throw in the towel, and this week, I am ready to roll up my sleeves and make another push. No expectation, just do what worked early on, and more of it. I really really recommend everyone, especially those who are on their 4th, 5th, 6th....new threads to start from the beginning and reread. It is amazing how your current perspective at the advice given, and the actions you took prior will make you see things in a new light.

Thanks again ss Always love having you chime in...

[Old Dog]

It's good to read the last few posts on your thread pilot. Keep up the good work.

I reread my thread recently before I made my first DB coach call.

[25yearsmlc]

Was just wondering the same thing! How long is NC useful and when does it just become the new normal. Or is it all about the WAS, letting them have their time "alone" however long it takes for them to reach out? And then what should the NCer consider as the WAS "reaching out" and what to do about it? Stop NC?

Who has an answer for us?

Well I have AN answer, though I'm sure several exist. All I know is My h left more or less for 2 years, one of which was spent 3000 miles away. I worried about "out of sight, out of mind" --but it didn't work that way for us. Too many years together perhaps?

I did GAL big time, & we had kids so contact of some sort took place but was all but but weeks and months went by without any "real" information being shared much.

I don't think he worried much, after awhile, that marriage would not improve. I also think that he worried that I would not take him back, not b/c I was so angry but b/c I was SOOO moving on and getting a new life in which he was not a part. I think he realized he was losing more than I was, or something like that.

Anyhow, we're married to this day. So that happens..

[pilot]

Haha, so I was thinking of something interesting and funny at the same time. My kids' first soccer game/practice is on the 16th. The 16th is also the day our divorce petition expires (assuming I do not get served in the next week). The 16th is also the 1 year anniversary of BD.

We will have at least 2 in person interactions before the 16th, but I was halfway thinking of asking her to go get drinks after soccer. I obviously would not do that now, I would wait to judge her mood/attitude and what not. I also thought a funny anniversary card would be, well, funny.

Not saying I will do either, it was just a fun thought. The drinks after the game would prob be the only thing I would do...depending on how things looked between us. I will have the kids that week, and I am sure my dad will be coming up to watch, so he would be able to take the kids afterwards, leaving us time together.

On the other hand, my personality is right up there with doing things like an anniversary card for a thing like BD. But then again, is it more of the same...making jokes over something serious? Hmm...

I have another DB coaching session that afternoon, so I can run that by her..

[LisaB]

Just my opinion but I would not do the funny anniversary card. Is it really something you want to "remember"? Then don't ever ever bring it up!

Glad things are going better for you!!!

Hugs, Lisa

[pilot]

Haha, yea, I thought about that Lisa. But thanks for pointing it out. So I wonder if I should even bring up the fact that it has been a year, and that it is also the expiration date of the petition?

Or do you think she probably already knows this as well...

[Ss06]

She knows. She definitely knows.

[pilot]

She knows. She definitely knows.

You really think? Not that it matters a ton, but I guess she was always better at remembering dates than I was. (first kiss, first time we met, first ILYs)

[25yearsmlc]

I thought for a minute it was your wedding anniversary and when there are kids, I always think at least mentioning their existence is a good thing (if for no other reason, the kids tend to feel better and less responsible for the divorce).

But it's the "anniversary" of the BD....hmm, like noting the anniversary of getting a possible cancer diagnosis.

Hey I'm known for a dark sense of humor, but I don't get the humor here. I get the irony, yes, but it doesn't strike me as "funny" so much as ironic and bitter.

I don't think a joke would work well here, especially since it IS more of the same old "hide/deny the pain" you.

Moving on....how are your 180s and GAL going?

[pilot]

Hey I'm known for a dark sense of humor, but I don't get the humor here. I get the irony, yes, but it doesn't strike me as "funny" so much as ironic and bitter.

I don't think a joke would work well here, especially since it IS more of the same old "hide/deny the pain" you.

Moving on....how are your 180s and GAL going?

Point taken and well said.

My 180s (new ones at least) seem to be doing ok. I started yesterday with initiating a phone call (first in months) to talk about good news instead of just texting. I am going to push all the LF stuff aside as well as to not let that cloud anything. In other words, quit going for the 'im moving on and there could be someone else' image. I have continued to dress sharp every time I see her, a 180 from years of marriage where I flat did not care about dressing up (always had nice clothes but probably wore the same 4 shirts in a row for years) haha. My PMA around her and on the phone, and as best possible, shown through texting has been elevated from the last couple of weeks. New GAL is going to be coaching both my sons' soccer teams. This will be twice a week and I am certain my W will be attending all of them. I have a boating trip planned with the kiddos this coming Sunday...halfway considering inviting W, but not really certain on it.