MC not an option . I have no idea when if ever I can bring that up to H. I have not had any M or R talk with H.
Still in counseling with pastor it has slowed down...feel like a stand still quiet time need a break...
I think I might have said this before: MC just for you! H will notice (without you saying: "hey I am going to see my marriage counselor").
Seems soon would be a good start, as it sounds pastor talks may have become stalled.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
I sometimes feel like reading others posts and or posting myself helps, BUT sometimes its a constant reminder of my messed up M.
Is it wise to take a posting break...
BUT then again, being able to vent when needed helps me to redirect my thoughts and or just get it out my system.
It's like the more I think about no longer standing, the more I dont feel the need to post.
There is "peace" in our home, but Im missing a R with my H. And I feel like he does not realize what he is about to lose...I feel like Im wasting my time, Im M and my H is my roommate.
If H no longers wants to be M, then let me be FREE!!!!
I guess I do need to post,,,went from talking about a break to posting about ready to leave,,,or maybe cause Im ready to leave I dont need to post?
Each day Im stronger, days pass with me not being sad or upset or even bothered about my M. Days pass when I don't even think about it or my H, unless H calls or its his day off...when he is not here, its almost like out of sight out of mind.
Today at our sons game, when he finally arrived at the game, it was like here is his dad not my H...there was no feelings from me...
The other day H hinted at ML with his body language,,,I ignored it...not sure what that means...
So true what is said around here, the LBS sometimes end the R, or is not there when the MLC wants to return.
I'm praying my feelings are not leaving for my H, but then I pray that I get over so I can move on.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
If you feel the need to take a posting break, by all means do so. Sometimes we have to do it in order to recharge our batteries and see what the real world has to offer.
What you are feeling is very normal and yes, the further move along your journey, the stronger you will get. You are detaching more and more because you aren't reacting to his every world or action.
Take each day as it comes.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I.had to leave house this am..first got out od bed..when H woke he came down to ask if I got up due to his snoring I said no...i aske him why he was soo late ro son game..he said he was getting ready.for work.. i started to shake I wanted to explode..it was not his comment it was everything..so I showered and went to get coffee and read td jakes book..then ran a cuple errands and tried to stop to view an apartment...yes i wanted to have a place selected..feel like selling house and leaving this M. got home and was in a much better place was taking to H about college game..he told me he watched at his oldest after work...i said son and I watched it here...he walked away then turn back and said why did u say that..I said cause we did we watched it here at home.. yes i felt like he should have come home after work and watched with us and was mad that he was late to s14 game... his reponse to well we were here watching was
"When u left to go read this am..s14 and I were here when u left" WTH..so confusing...
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
TODAY I feel like I have to go as dark as possible while still in same house with H. The things I want to talk about...scare me. I want to ask him if he wants me or this M or a R with me. I want to tell him that there are things I want from a man that he is not giving me. I want to tell him that I forgive him, but I dont trust him. I want to tell him that I'm thinking about selling the house and getting an apartment for s and I. I want to ask him to make a decision, to either work on this M or leave! Love me as a man loves his woman or FREE me!
When is it ok for the LBS to have a conversation with the MLC or WAS, when is the right time?
I feel like my H will continue as we are now,,,,for only GOD knows how long. As long as I don't rock the boat, ask any questions, ask for anything from him for me.. smile and be nice be happy.
I know I should be glad that my MLC has not left the house, and it does not seem like there is a OW in the picture right now, and he is not outright "mean" to me, so I get that it could be ALOT worse and I have been appreciative that H is still helping with our son and paying bills and doing "family" things when he is not working,,,but I want MORE from him. Is that too much to ask,,,?
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2B, it sounds like H was trying to bait you. He picked up on your subtle hint that you and s were at home without him watching the game. H is trying to throw it back into your face for not being with him and s yesterday morning.
I don't really have any advice for you regarding what to do. I, personally, would not talk to him about the R or M. You could try going darker and see how he responds. Do more for you. Pretend he's a roommate and you've got your own life and schedule at this time.
I never got the chance to do this, H moved out the day he BDed me.
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
@Atsbaby, I felt like he was tick for tack in his response. I wonder why in the H ell does he care where I go!!!
I do try to live with him as my room mate:(
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Hi 2B, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel as I have been there myself. I don't want to tell you what to do but I will say this. I tried for a year after B-day to be the best H I could. I tried every DB tacit, everything I knew or read or was advised to do and nothing worked. My W made up her mind on B-day that she was leaving and she was going to ignore ANYTHING that was good, that made her "feel" happy or that leaving wasn't the right thing to do. On the flip side she blew totally out of proportion anything that I did she didn't like, never listened to anyone who said leaving was a bad idea and took the slightest agreement about any small thing from someone that said it was a good idea. She NEVER really gave our M any chance.
My W didn't have OP except her father, the only person who wanted her to leave me. He is now more of a husband to her than a father. It probably would have been better if there had been someone else. It would have shown her that it wasn't me but who knows. In my case I know in my heart that there was nothing I could do to stop her. She made up her mind on B-day and nothing was going to change it. I and her "bad M" was the cause of pain and that was that. The kids, the animals, her family saying she was making a mistake none of that mattered. They just don't understand that she must do this. She even told herself she would be a "better" mother because she left! She still believes this.
Sometimes there just is nothing you can do. Sometimes nothing will "make" them see the truth. There comes a point when enough is enough. Only you can decide when that is and if you would be better off just letting him go. Just be certain that you have really reached that point before you act 2B. It's a LONG journey for them and we are along for the ride without buying a ticket. Only YOU can decide when or if it's time to get off the ride.
Matt is absolutely correct, i.e., only you can decide when you've had enough.
Trying going dark for a while and see what happens. If you aren't sure about wanting to have a discussion w/your h, then sit quietly for a while and allow the answers to come. We have a motto around here that says "when in doubt, do nothing".
You will know when you've had enough.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
