Ugh. I so badly want to pin him down and talk at him about the R. To get my thoughts and beliefs out. To cheerlead for US and advocate for the good we could have if he were willing to just try.
I'm just journaling to get it out and let it go. I'm in a weak moment. Yuck.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
I frequently want to do status checks and see where we are in the R to to make sure we're on the same page or whatever but the reality is, right now it doesn't matter. You're working on YOU and giving him space. That doesn't require a R talk.
Can I get some advice on physical intimacy? I'm not sure when continuing hinders more than it helps. I've been operating on the theory that our R was sex starved and it's a 180 for me to be ready when he is. I do enjoy it and want to be intimate, so it's not all him, but I'm conflicted about whether or not it's hurting my DB efforts.
At first he said he felt guilty afterward and we had to stop (he didn't want to give me or himself false hope and he can't separate his emotions from sex, and he needs to detach); I said fine; no big deal.
Now it seems he's initiating more.
Dunno what that's about. Did he decide he can be intimate with no feelings? I won't mind read, I guess.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Reading through your posts, I am not sure if you are actively working with a Divorce Busting coach. If not, it would be extremely helpful to get a professional perspective on your situation. Please call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004.
Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Taking SD12 geocaching, just the two of us tomorrow. We never really had a tight relationship and I feel guilty about that. I asked her if she wanted to go and she was excited and asked her mom right away.
Kind of excited, myself. We all used to geocache all the time but that fell by the wayside in recent years.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Had so much fun yesterday with SD12! 7 caches, the mall, Buffalo Wild Wings, a movie, ice cream and another movie on the laptop.
We were giggling until 1am, in my bedroom, when he came I from the couch and laughingly told us it was time to sleep. LOL, like a slumber party.
Today she didn't want to go to breakfast with him, but wanted to hang more with me! So we did! Ha!
180s abound!
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
PMA is up there today. I have plans for dinner tonight, tomorrow night and Wednesday. Three different people! I feel like a social butterfly compared to the hermit I was.
H and I (I know we weren't married but H is better than no name) had a nice talk about SD12 and how her mom doesn't really invest in her. He says he's glad I'm willing to do so. It's a 180 so in hope the change is stewing in his brain. Point is he noticed.
He sent some sexy/racy texts after we said good night and went to our own beds. Reminds me of the beginning of our R when we couldn't get enough of each other and did the same. Still no R talks but I expect nothing either way in that department yet. I played it cool, but "there" when he initiated playfully. I do want him to feel like his needs will be met with me, as opposed to the ignoring of them I did before.
Test the waters, baby; I'm paying attention!
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
I wonder where random moments of panic come in. I'm fine and dandy all day long and then suddenly a stray thought comes across my brain and I'm nervous and anxious again.
If and when he wants to work on us, he'll let me know. He does know and understand I'm not "for" a break up and I want like hell to work on it. I don't need to peruse this or "make sure he knows". He knows.
I think I'm circling back to the "a huge part of what broke us up was my nonavailability to him, and this -feels- like the same old sh*t".
I need to relax and detach.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Background: I'm going to be the one to move out, def by the end of October. At first I resisted the idea (all the standard "you want out, not me" reasons), but then I realized I can't afford rent plus utilities and maintenance alone. Neither can he, but that's another story for another day. I told him I'd move, but he had to give me the $1k I put of my own money into the security deposit when we moved in 8 years ago.
We settled on him paying off my new laptop (bought on Dell credit, in his name) which is less money, but comparably priced.
He texted me today to ask for the password for the account to pay this month.
My stomach sank because this may be a sign he's not changing his mind about the R.
I told him that I'd tried to log in from work, and the account was locked out because they didn't recognize the IP address. If he called them they'd unlock it and he could get the account info.
He texted back a thanks and I said: "Sure thing! :)" even though I wanted to cry.
I was out at the mall after dinner with a good, supportive friend, and kept my PMA up despite the crappy texts.
This is not over yet and there is still hope. I need to relax.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
