Living the dream...one day at a time

[kml]

he "really didn't feel like going to the G-D wedding" and it was taking even more time away from the kids. Huh. Really? Wow. He also said he was getting tired of OW's deal with this wedding and really wanted no part of it

Lol - OW is surely pressuring him to marry her now, no?

I would draw the line at discussing that with him lol. Unless of course you want to use the opportunity to undermine her, in hopes that his NEXT girlfriend will be better.

[wishing, hoping]

IDK KML...

I don't want to touch that with a ten foot pole. It seems to me the more I pull back and drop the rope the more he reaches out to me.

Tonight I went to watch the kids at their soccer practice. J and I discussed options for ordering S's class pictures. He suggested we split a package, but I told him I preferred to buy my own. I asked him to order the package I wanted and I would give him the cash tomorrow at S's practice. He seemed a bit out out but said ok.

He started talking about OW's mom who is not doing well at all. I listened but didn't really say anything. What do you say in a situation like that? After D was finished with practice I decided to leave since S had 25 minutes left of practice and I was cold and had things to do. After I left it dawned on me that J is really freaking out about this health deal with OW's mom. He went through it with his dad and with me when my dad and step-dad passed and a health scare with his own mom. He does not handle this stuff well. At. All. Add that onto the fact that OW is pressuring J at all angles I think he is ready to pop. He just might go into a deeper crisis.

So I am just giving it to God and taking care of myself. Detaching even more. Being the best me I can be. Leaving J to wallow in the life he has created. I hope he enjoys it.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Okay well I have hit a bit of a roadblock.

I am court ordered to refinance the marital credit card in my name only. J was supposed to take on $3000 of this card but weaseled out of it because he claimed he couldn't refinance the house if he took on this debt. So I agreed to not put anything in writing and to work the honor system with him. I knew I would more than likely never see this money.

My debt to income ratio is no longer an issue for me, but the amount of unsecured debt on the credit card is more than the bank will allow me to refinance. Ironically, the difference between what I can refinance and what I owe is $3000, the exact amount J was supposed to pay on the credit card. Isn't that a kick in the pants.

I have a snowball's chance in he!! of getting this money from J, and I have only myself to blame, so I am not complaining. I am just brushing myself off and gonna get this figured out. I have that amount in one of my IRAs, but I will take one heck of a penalty if I pull that money now.

One obstacle at a time. I can do this.

WH

[kml]

I certainly think you should go to J and say "I can't refinance this card until you pay me the $3000 you promised me".

Yes, he'll probably flake, but he might possibly pay you SOMETHING or agree not to push on the card getting refinanced?

[LoisB]

I agree. At least ask the question. Who knows!! Maybe his frustration with OW will actually work in your favor this time. :-)

[wishing, hoping]

I'm not holding my breath on that one, guys.

He has already been asking me when the card is gonna be refinanced because he got denied for a loan or something because this card is still on his credit report. He is going to tell me he can't give me anything. I'll keep coming up with options, but if he pushes I will tell him the news. He will be p*ssed, but you can't get blood from a stone, right?

I already emailed my attorney asking what will happen if J files a contempt charge? The office advised we can't stop him from filing contempt charges, but if the judge sees I have given a good faith effort and attempted to refinance but I am falling short, then there isn't much the court will do. Perhaps give me more time to refinance? Or make J pay me the money he owes me? IDK. I can imagine the judge would tell J if she can't do it, then she can't do it, Mr. J. What do you want me to do?

I'll keep checking out my resources and try to think outside the box.

WH

[kml]

Some other credit card companies may allow you to transfer the balance, maybe some of them aren't going to be as stringent. Or you know your EX could always take the $3k he owes you out of HIS retirement account, now, couldn't he????

[wishing, hoping]

HA! That's rich, KML. My attorney suggested that to J months ago and J was highly offended. I know J could get the money if he wanted, but he won't. So I am not too worried about being in contempt, because the courts will just tell J there is nothing they can do. And honestly, what can they do? Fine me? Throw me in jail? They won't do that. They will just give me more time to get it done.

I started to freak out about it yesterday, and just decided not to. Why? It does no good. I need to take action and I intend to. If J pushes the issue I will tell him he need to give me money. It won't happen so I am going to look into other options.

I could look into other banks. I will give that a whirl next week.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Hello all

It's been a busy weekend. And it feels good because guess what? It's not my weekend and I've spent a lot of time with the kids. Yesterday J and OW went to an "adults only" wedding so I got to be with S and D for part of the day. And today S and D have soccer games Two hours distance from each other at the same time. Actually D is having a tournament so I am picking her up soon and spending the day with her there. I won't get to see S's game and that makes me sad, but I can't split myself in two.

So OW's mom passed away last night. J called me this morning and told me all about it. He wants them to go to the funeral, but I told him let me know the plans and we will see how it goes.

I joined Match.com. I decided to try it for a month and see what happens. I've chatted with some people but that's about it. I don't expect much. Frankly I still feel a bit jaded. It's been 15 years since I have been on the dating scene and event though it's on a different media, I still feel nothing much has changed. This is a huge step for me. Still rocking my comfort zone a bit.

I have contacted two other banks to see if I can balance transfer. I don't think it's looking good. But I do feel better taking action about it. I'm gonna do what I can and if J decides to file contempt charges I guess I can't stop him. I don't imagine the judge will do anything if he sees I have been making good faith efforts.

So I am still learning. Life is getting better. I have learned how to roll with the punches a little better. I know that if I am feeling down and think the world is gonna collapse to give it 15 minutes. A lot can happen in that time period.

WH

[Georgiabelle]

WH,

Good for you! Glad you've been enjoying the kids. Never hurts to keep your eyes open.