WAW, fighting for hope, looking for guidance

[Card29]

My goodness this emotional roller coaster...I've never felt anything like it. I've never been this high or this low, never switched between the two so frequently, and NEVER for this long of a period. I wake up and could be depressed or feel like I'm going to conquer the world. At some point in the day, I'll be at the exact opposite point on the ride and feel like I'm never going back to where I was earlier in the day. Then I'll swing back a few hours later. One hour I know I'll have every opportunity to live a wonderful life and provide one for my D2 regardless of WAW's decision. Then I feel like I won't be able to breathe again if she files. Today my roller coaster is my desire for contact. I went all day with no contact and no desire to contact her. Then 8:00 pm hits and I want to pour my heart out to her and am resisting every urge to text.

Trying to stay the course. I did get back on track at the gym this afternoon, WITH D2 in tow, after a 2 week hiatus due to an injury and then house projects.

[Card29]

I've felt amazing all day. Haven't initiated contact in 2 days except for a question about the house sale. This is the most detached I have felt since BD. Went for a trail run in the park after work. Trimmed up my beard and hair and feel very good about how I look. I wish I could just lock into this feeling indefinitely. I feel like I'm ready to go to work on the R with my W, I'm ready to move on with my own life if she files, yet I am still full of patience waiting for her to get out of her fog and figure out what she wants to do. Feels great.

[Ss06]

^^^ All of that is awesome! I love it. Way to go!

Now the trick is to hold on to it!!!

I'm impressed and so happy for you!

[Card29]

Meeting WAW at church today and handing D2 over to her. For the last month+, we have spent Sundays together working on the house. The house is done now, so she has no reason to come over here. I haven't seen her since Wednesday. Ive been pretty well detached but last night I dreamed about her and now I am missing her badly. I'm trying not to have expectations but I really hope she invites me to do something today. I know I shouldn't be thinking about that but am not doing a good job of running from the thoughts.