I was the WAS and because my H wasn't here to pressure me was the whole reason that I came to my senses. I was left to think about things on my own. If he had told me how wrong I was, I would have hated him for it. I know it is almost impossible to do but you have to let the other person think about things. My H was being so nice to me, that is the reason that I came to my senses. There is nothing you can do. The good news is is that the WAS IS having guilt. You can't not have it. You have to wait for the day that the guilt becomes greater than the emotional feelings from the OP. It will most likely happen if you can distance yourself. Once the person is getting everything they want, they will probably feel even guiltier. The other posters are right. You are the enemy right now. You are the one that "caused" her to look elsewhere. I know it's not "right" but that is the mentality. You just have to show her that you aren't the cause anymore. Just my two cents. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but you should know.
This is where I am with my WAW right this moment. Me being quiet, peaceful, and confident.....she is extra nice. While I am trying to be nicer. she almost cannot stand the silence and is talking to me about anything and everything. Am I doing this right?
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
So my part from the post above, to clarify. This is where I am with my WAW right this moment. Me being quiet, peaceful, and confident.....she is extra nice. While I am trying to be nicer. she almost cannot stand the silence and is talking to me about anything and everything.
Am I doing this right?
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
So I guess just treat her as a friend like we did when we first started dating? Give her her space because I am more listen more. I'm going to continue the 180s cooking, Cleaning, and helping with S3 .5 more.
Still looking for a home with my realtor I have a pretty good idea of what I want and worked out preapproval letter.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Right now you're doing things right, HOWEVER, distance yourself. She already filed and blind sided you. You can't show that you are "ok" with this. The bigger the shock to her, the quicker she'll realize her mistake.
Do the 180s and start going out and having a social life again. In fact, do a full 180 and start changing how you physically look. Maybe a new wardrobe or physical appearance to show the difference.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am distancing as much as possible while in the same home/bed. We have S3.5 here. I keep quiet. She initiates conversation. She has said she wants to help me with anything, just ask. I told her in therapy, she would have to offer "help" at specific situations, I am not going to just ask. I have lost 35 lbs. started working out in the basement. I wear new clothes as I get them. tighter fitting and flattering. My colognes...I only wore with her on special occasions. I now wear daily. Digital frame in the den has been up and running 2 months now. current pics and trips, wedding, fun times we have had scroll by from 10am to 730pm. She works from home, so I have the frame on an end table facing her office Social life....hmm, I try. Mainly I just go "out" on my own. She inquires where/when stuff. When I return I get conversation about when/where I was. Then updates about what she did, although I do not ask. I play with S3.5 and try taking him away for several hours each weekend. Going on a guy trip next week.4 days. She has already asked me if I am excited...digs for details, etc. I am trying to touch her more and be friendly. Arm sqeezes as I pass, shoulder squeeze as I speak to her while son is sitting between us...grab her toe/foot and rub a second while chatting from end of bed at night. I the move on and go do my own thing. I do not call/text/email/give gifts. I bought some cool flowers for the house last week, for me. I am thoughtful when going to the market. If I know she is out of something, I get it. (paying attention) Anything else Mr. Bond?
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
I have noticed she is starting to spend more time with her parents. I have plans this afternoon and was going to watch S3 .5, however, he wanted to go with her so I cleaned the house and made everything spotless again. I also was asked to do some of her laundry since I had just a small load. Notice a week ago she asked me not to do her laundry anymore therefore I don't offer. The house is now spotless, ready for her and S 3.5 to come home. I will be gone most of the evening until after they're in bed I don't plan to call or mention anything once I leave at noon. Again this morning she asked about my plans for next week to see what her schedule would be like and then mentions a business trip to me. Her business trip is two weeks away and she asked if I would still be here or if she needed to get her parents to watch S3 .5. I told her I was 75% sure I would still be here depends on my real tour situation. I then asked her to start saving newspaper every day. She looked at me and she said for packing? I said yes I need to get some boxes next week and start packing thanks.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
QUESTIONS! I get asked so very many questions about every detail of my outings. My S10 get the same. I have no plans for us today, since WAW asked.....I am being withdrawn and quiet. It appears to be killing her? She asked if I wanted to take the boys to the _____. I said "are you going with? " she said she was just trying to come up with some things we (boys) could do. I said, oh I figured we could go do that as a family at least a few more times. I then walked away. She continued....she found a nice home on the web to show me. She so wants to help me. I DO want her help and friendship now that the D is final. Just feels weird and like letting her have her cake and eat it too. Help
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Kinds just down and angry. I went to garage and got some small, inexpensive stocking stuffers that were for this years Christmas. Waked in and set them on the counter telling WAW that these were for her stocking at Christmas, but she could go ahead and have them.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
