Standing tall. Trying to rekindle.

[labug]

So Joe, what doe you see as her role in your problems?

My mind always goes back to your description of her anger issues or seeming anger issues as described by you.

How do you deal with that?

[Joe1981]

Well, her anger and her temper are one definite issue. Other things: overly critical, unforgiving, expecting me to read her mind about what needs doing, and doesn't show me love in ways that are meaningful to me.

Me knowing the issues is fine, but I wasn't the one who wanted to D. My hope is that I keep getting better at being her H, she'll come around on some of these issues. If she does open up to input, sure I'll be glad to discuss my wants. Until then...I'm not going anywhere.

[Joe1981]

Setback day. I knew there was one on the horizon.

W views everything my mother does through extremely suspicious/critical eyes.

When there were hiccups in the plans for my parents to watch the kids while we may the trip to Seattle and back, she jumped at the opportunity to declare that my mom is selfish and I have no balls. Worse she tried to back out of going.

I called my mother and explained the way the situation appears from our end and did some back and forth with her to resolve the situation.

In the end, a lot of the problem was caused by communication foul ups. A lot of which were my fault. I was so hesitant to push W for how she wanted to do the Seattle trip (NFL Season opener, Seahawks vs Packers, she's from WI), that I didn't get plans firmed w/ my parents about the kids until they'd already laid out some travel plans of their own. I do tend to have a problem w/ not being immediate and direct enough in planning things. Room for more growth.

Hoping things mellow tomorrow and we can have fun.

[joysjoe]

[quote=Joe1981]Well, her anger and her temper are one definite issue. Other things: overly critical, unforgiving, expecting me to read her mind about what needs doing, and doesn't show me love in ways that are meaningful to me.

I know how you feel with regards to those issues.

Have you told her straight out that she acts this way towards you?
If you did, what was her response?

I told my WAW who acted exactly the same way that she could certainly think about the effects that are certain to happen after she exhibits those traits before she does it. Over the last weekend she actually caught herself a few times and apologized to me. That has never happened in the past.

[Joe1981]

joysjoe, I don't think she's interested in being self-reflective right now. If/when she is, I like that approach.

MrBond, labug, and nit84,
It isn't that I didn't believe you about how we weren't to piecing yet, it's just that l didn't want to believe it.

Going to the NFL game was a lot if fun yesterday, but she showed me more than a couple of times that she's very skittish about all this.

An easier one is that she wants me to take charge of things 100% sometimes. So all she has to do is show up. I can do that.

Harder is that she has major issues w/ my family and that I need to be more vigilant about everything with them.

So, it isn't piecing because she's not looking at her behavior at all, but it is something because she made it clear that we are trying to get this to work, just that I have the work to do.

Lots of hard work left to do.

[MrBond]

The point is that if she continues to only see it as your responsibility to make things right, she will never be satisfied. M is a partnership, not a monopoly.

[igit]

Mr Bond Igit here I was hoping to hear from you on my sitch. Needs some advice

[Joe1981]

I get what you're saying MrBond. At this point, I can only keep doing things that draw her in. At some point, the dynamic will need to balance.

[Joe1981]

She asked me for a hug today. She wasn't feeling well and needed the comfort. I'm trying not to over interpret it and just be happy for the most intimate physical contact we've had since April.

[DFE]

So happy for you. Baby steps towards what you want.