I'll Take What's Behind Door Number 3 #8

[Georgiabelle]

Happy Friday DB posse! A few things...,

Took big kids out for breakfast before school. Someone paid our check. We reciprocated and paid someone else's. Grateful for such kindness in the world.

Will practice smiling at the hot guy downstairs today. I'm not rolling up on anyone. However, I must practice smiling at folks I'm attracted to. That percentage is minuscule (I got no probs chatting with anyone else-darn those people I find haute:). He may be married with 19 kids-no to ring and I know that doesn't mean anything. Just practicing the toothy grin:-)

And finally, s4 still poops in his pants occasionally (this won't be as endearing at 25). Older kids were telling me this am as I was getting him dressed that stbxh said that he if s4 would poop in the potty, he would take him to work so everyone could see what a great dad he was. And that sounds exactly like something stbxh would say now. Just have to chuckle.

Reminding myself to be grateful. Be kind. Live with grace and humility. Laugh. Love my kids and my life. Oh and love me. I'm worth it. Not my role to teach stbxh lessons. God and the universe will handle everything big.

Have a great day!

[TL72*]

love your post GB - you have such a great attitude! I can relate totally to the reminders - about being grateful and kind, you ARE worth it. And the practicing smiling - such a small thing but I did that too - I had to remind myself that it's ok to just be you and open yourself up a little. I found that I had little to no eye contact with men let alone smiling for years and the divorce really opened my eyes! I started noticing them and vice versa, a smile goes a long way, even just being friendly. It feels good! Keep up the good work - great things are coming your way!!

[Wonka]

Here's some information on Social Security to keep in the back of your pocket and stay mum, GB.
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A reward for delaying divorce

If you're not happy in your marriage after 9 1/2 years, hold off before hiring a divorce attorney.

"Stay married for at least 10 years," says San Francisco-based Bank of America personal banker Raphael Gilbert.

Why? That's what it takes to stake a claim to your ex-spouse's Social Security benefits. If you terminate the marriage after nine years and 11 months, you're out of luck.

If you make it for 10 years, you can collect a Social Security benefit based on up to half of your ex's earnings or on the basis of your own earnings -- whichever is higher.

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Bigger reward if ex has 'departed'

And we have another dirty little secret for you. If you haven't remarried, chances are your ex-spouse is worth more to you dead than alive -- especially if he or she was a high earner. Once an ex-spouse passes away, you'll be treated just like a widow or widower. If you are at least 60, you'll be able to collect your late-spouse's benefit and allow your own benefit to grow unclaimed until you reach age 70, when you can switch if your own is higher, according to Carol Thomas, who worked for the Social Security Administration for 28 years and answers questions about Social Security at RetirementCommunity.com.

Assuming your ex will dwell on Planet Earth to a ripe old age, the longer your ex-spouse delays claiming Social Security, the better it is for you. So, if you get a chance, encourage your ex to work until age 70. Then, when it's all over, you'll get to claim half of his or her maximum Social Security. Or once you and your ex-spouse reach full retirement age -- usually 66 -- you can claim half your ex's benefit and let your own grow untouched until you're 70, says Thomas. Consider it payback.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Wonka. We've been married for almost 12 years and at least he's employed now. Warning. After yesterday's good mood I'm going to vent.

I used to wonder how people could despise the person they were married to and had kids with. I understand now. I don't despise S. I wish he and his Billy Joel look a like gf would move to Mars. They have some type of life there right? I am very very angry right now that he left me with this old house with unfinished projects and a while bunch of $h!t I the yard. The house was shown last night and the feedback was that it needs work. No f$&king duh! It looks fantabulous compared to what it did. Graciously,S's parents paid for many of the repairs but there is so much junk to sort thru before a yard sale. There is a boat in the back yard. Never used. It's a junky boat but S wanted it just on case. Mmmm. Guess who gets to figure out how to move that? Correct. It's not h.

There is $h!t every f$@king where. Junk. I am grateful to have a good job. My kids go to school 30 minutes past my house so the commute home to get them and back home is 2 hours. I'm glad he shows up a few days a week to take them to school. I'm not giving him an award for spending 6 hours a week with his kids. He texted me this am to *plan* his week. Is that bad? I don't give a fig.

I really commend people who can see the good in their spouse right now. Theonly thing good I see is that he's gone and that gratefully I'm not him. I'm not sounding very compassionate right now.

I want to love and trust again. I do. It may be 20 years from now. I am unfortunately very resentful at this moment that I bought his clothes, told a$$ candle to take naps, etc. I knew he struggled with life in general with his mental illness. No, I'll wash the clothes. I'll clean the house. I'll pay the bills. I'll take the kids away for the weekend. Yes, I know it's stressful taking the kids to school. And this a$&hat had the audacity to say I did t support him and I doubted he would come through. Well guess what? He didn't come through except to leave when he got a job and go live like a child.

I'm sorry if my bleeped out language offended anyone. I don't want to be angry, resentful or spiteful. This will pass.

That was somewhat cathartic. Thanks for letting me vent

[Maybell]

GB, I totally hear you. Wish I could help with the house. Very best of luck to you.

[juliegayle]

Gb. I hear you too. At this moment I see no redeeming qualities in h. Shout it out here. Then let it go. Tomorrow is another day.

[BklynMom]

I was glad to hear your rant.

I concur with the no redeeming qualities.

Any way to make the old house work for you versus selling it. I have been reading a lot lately about how the suburban model of living is outdated and it is not working for many nuclear families. This has spurred a revival in urban areas and also multi generational living. I know living with your mom is not an option but do you have the room, basement or spare room to let maybe a college student (no not your H) live rent free and do stuff around the house to prepare it to sell.

I dream about creating a Kate and Allie living style with my kids. I don't have the room for it right now but I imagine having my single girlfriend and her son live with us and we can share the house work and take turns going out. Also just share in the emotional stuff too.

Obviously you will figure the sh$t around the house but I agree it totally $uc#s doing by yourself. Having 3 kids and a full time job is enough.

Your ex is a loser

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks everyone. BK, I would have no problem staying in this house if my kids could go to the zoned public school. They cannot. My daughter struggled as did my son with a severe learning disability. It is one of the worst schools in the state. I appealed to the school board, wrote letters, and even sent a power point requesting a transfer to the other public school ( one of the top 30 in the state) but I was denied. I tried again. I was rather relentless. I found a private school where S got a full scholarship and thought D would blossom. Problem is the school is 30 minutes in the opposite direction of work. Traffic some days is the work of Satan.

We cleaned some rooms. Threw some junk away. Watched one of my all time favorite movies with the kids tonight-"Born Free." Love that ! S4 wasn't terribly impressed but s11 and D were.

Still have a bunch of junk to get rid of. However , I'm getting there. I will not be a victim. No sir. Hails to the no. God and the universe are with me. I will be better.

Thanks to everyone here for listening to me prattle on and on and on.

[tuff]

GB - your post made me smile - not for your pain but just to know a little what you feel. I, too am so worn out with S**t around the house. My H started all these projects a year ago and the house is in great need of many repairs and I get to be the one to figure it all out. I told him when he left to take all his stuff and he said he didn't have room to put it all - well - that's what storage units are for. Now with the weather turning cold it will be interesting to see if he asks for his coats and winter clothes. I just want to take all his crap down and throw it out - I have projects of my own to do. I feel like I have been nothing but kind and caring to him and frankly I am sick and tired of it. Mine takes the kids to school in the am too and I guess he thinks he deserves an award for that. Give me a break - I have 3 kids too and it is plain crazy getting it all together just to survive day to day and when I asked him if he could watch them on Thursday and Friday - that was "too much" for him. MLC or not - just man up - but they are incapable of that and I am tired of giving a pass for all of the BS behavior and lack of. I refuse to be the victim as well - you know regardless of how stressed we are - you are in a better place than he is - you are strong, taking charge and moving forward. Every one of them should be so grateful they have anything like us to even consider standing for them. Some days I just daydream about the time when they "wake up" and realize the devastation - who knows if I will be around to see it but just knowing that one day may be coming is somewhat soothing at times. I hate when those feelings take over but I get so worn out with being sympathetic and caring and the only one fighting for my family life. Sorry to vent on your thread but realize you are by far not alone.

[Atsbaby]

((((GB))))

I was wondering how you stay so positive all the time. I'm glad you let go of some of that anger! Clark has done the same thing to our house. So many projects that have to be completed before any thoughts on selling (which won't happen since my parents own the house).

It's so hard to see good in our MLCers. We understand that this is a mental breakdown and we do sympathize, but those baby steps just don't feel as good as they should when the cr@p they are putting us through seems so high.

I know this will be an emotional week for you. I wish you the best of luck Tuesday!