Old dog seeks new trick 3

[Old Dog]

Oh FFS!

WAW's best friend posted a pic on facebook of some flowers her husband bought her saying he's not one for doing this sort of thing and it cheered her up on crappy day.

WAW posted a message saying 'good lad'.

How about your own husband then? Have you forgotten everything I did for you in the past 21 years? I think quite possibly.

Vent vent. Grrrr! How does this detaching thing work? I can't get the hang of it.

OK calm down. She 'liked' my ice bucket challenge pic - only liked though, didn't comment.

[u-turn]

There is way too much mind reading in FB posts - I have to stop myself from looking there too because all of our inter-meshed friends won't let me escape seeing what she has liked or commented on.

Detaching is so hard when you just want to be able to fix the things you can see now.

I heard "keep on keeping on" from a co-worker yesterday - thought of you.

Keep on Truckin'

[Old Dog]

It's kinda difficult to find a positive today. S14 will have to undergo major surgery in a few months we learned today.

Listing half a day off work doesn't really make me feel positive.

The complaint is irreversible. The surgery will artificially correct it but leave some metal work behind for the rest of his life. I guess the 'correct it' bit is positive and there are testimonials we read from others who lead normal lives afterwards.

It's certainly better than doing nothing and as we're in the UK, it costs us nothing thanks to our National Health Service instead of £80,000 to go private.

WAW said, while bolstering him up, that he will be fine as he has the same fortitude as she does and compared childbirth and how she nailed it. He is taking it in his stride at the moment. Really brave.

Now for the selfish bit. I didn't really want hear how she has such fortitude and resolution. I know that. It's one of the things I found attractive in her, and one of the things that will stand in the way of ever rekindling our relationship.

[Old Dog]

Bah! Why am I surprised by this sort of thing.

We're in the living room. Im trying to get the internet TV working so we can all watch Dr Who but the gadget had packed up. There's some sort of quiz nearing the end, it just so happens to be on that TV channel. I notice there's a comedy programme with one her favourite comedians on the other side starting in a minute, I inform WAW who wants to see the conclusion of the quiz first. No problem.

When the time comes, I turn the channel over. She gets up and goes out of the room and upstairs. I pause the programme waiting for her to come back down. After about 10 mins of waiting she still hasn't appeared so I record it and watch something else I recorded earlier.

I just finished watching it went upstairs and she's gone to bed. Not a word. Just went to bed.

Earlier in the day I was in the garden clearing up a massive pile of branches and leaves. WAW asks if I'd like a drink so I say yes and she makes me a coffee and brings it outside to where we then sit and drink. We dont have anything to say to each other. I can't think of a single thing.

How sad is that? My mind is completely numb from this experience.

My big positive for the day is that I know S14 will be in the best possible hands when he comes to have his op. It's sad that he has to have it, but when it's done he will be able to live his life without really noticing the metalwork in his frame.

[Maybell]

I think not being able to think of anything to say is the hardest part. Too many subjects seem inconsequential or off limits.

Best wishes for your son.

[Old Dog]

You're right Maybell. I really miss talking with my wife. And thank you.

I really miss physical contact as well. I was desperate for a snuggle last night but knew I couldn't have one. I turned over once and accidentally brushed her arm. She immediately turned over to the other side of the bed. I used to give her a shoulder, back or even all over massage quite frequently. She went to have a massage yesterday morning complaining of aches and pains, putting it down to getting older. Hello! You could get one of those for free every weekend if you could see sense lady. I could even learn to do it properly although I think I was still pretty good at it. Used to imagine what I would like and do that.

Physical touch is one of my primary love languages I think but she never wanted to reciprocate and when I did ask it was always half hearted: nothing like the quality or time spent on her.

OK let's have a positive. Late yesterday afternoon I suggested we go to the pub in the evening. S14 had gone to a friends for the night and S12 could come with us. After a brief discussion between the three of us we went to the local Indian restaurant where S12 had his first Indian meal. We all had a lovely time and chatted throughout. I am of course ware that we were using him as a conduit: most of the conversation was centred around S12, but it was so good to have a 'normal' conversation and take an interest in his new school year. WAW also said it made her forget about S14's operation for a while.

[u-turn]

I see us talking about the kids a lot more to each other, especially when they are in front of us. It does give us something to talk about, gets us off of each other, and the kids like the attention.

It does seem like sometimes we are trying to out super-parent each other. W is on a baking kick for the kids. I think it's a positive thing, and I think the kids deserve it. I pull back when they seem to be smothered by it though and let their mom take the lead and credit(I've been doing it all for a while now and it's good to see that she's interested). Maybe it will help her fog clear a little (maybe not).

wishing your son well.

[Old Dog]

Thanks for your wishes u-turn.

I have a couple of things to report.

I have an interview for a job back home on Friday. I have to fill in a application form tomorrow. It's quite an unusual one: more like some of the questions you'd expect during the interview itself. I've been thinking and writing notes for it this evening.

And, I went to my first yoga class today.

[Maybell]

How did you like yoga???

And good luck with the job!

[Old Dog]

Yoga was good thanks. Relaxing.

I managed to fill out the application form just now. One advantage to waking up early I suppose.