So after recovering from my bee sting on the arch of my foot, I was attacked by wasps (I think) rolling out garbage can. Is this a $&@?ing joke? I have huge welts. I used some choice words for those $&@!ing bugs. Glad it wasnt any of the kids. A few swarmed dog. This was an angry bunch. Poor guy. He tried to get them off as I tried to blow them off him also. I blew on them, didn't swat, and these a$$wipes stung me anyway. So much for being kind and respectful. I took of all of my clothes in the driveway(they were all stuck on my dress) and jumped in my pool. Sorry if the neighbors were offended by the view. Bathed dog and ugh. I tried desperately to respect the Earth. I will continue to do so EXCEPT in this circumstance. Death to all insects near front door of house!!!!
Exterminator tomorrow.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/03/1401:37 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Oh and I forgot s4 was yelling for me to make him dinner. I'm sorry my little sweetness. I just had to strip in the driveway because I was under attack!!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Shining, I didn't want to hijack your thread or anyone elses. I love reading info from the vets like Job, Beatrice, UR, Ellie, and of course Wonka's insight from "the other side." I'm such a nerd. I read everything. I read the encyclodpedias from front to back when I was a kid and haven't changed much in that aspect. Well, except most kids think encyclopedias are a new band created by Disney:)However, I point this out because I am so very logical that I often have an insatiable need to "understand why." I look at my stbxh as a case study now. Not very romantic, huh? I always think of that song "Somebody That I Used to Know" when I see him. So, when I read stuff on this board, I will jump in and analyze, however, I know that it changes absolutely ZILCH in my sitch. I had to let my stbxh go for my own well being and so that I could protect my children as best as possible while still reminding them how much their Dad loves them. Your feeling resonate with me so much so I wanted to share a few thoughts.
I knew something was off a few months before BD. I chalked it up to change in schedules due to h having a new job after not working for a year, him turning 40 and my dad's unexpected death. I was getting snippy too because he didn't do much housework ever, this dropped to a new low level with not even filling the dog's water dish. I was EXHAUSTED and brimming with that evil poison known as resentment.
However, very soon after BD, I started to realize this all had very little to do with me. I would squash that feeling and say, "no it had to be me. We had a ssm and we didn't have much alone time. I did put the kids first, etc." We had dealt with bouts of deep depression before but this one was different. His feelings of anger and disappointment were directed at me AND the kids. This was new so it had to be us, right? Still, that feeling kept coming up that it really wasn't about our M. While my stbxh did not attempt suicide (and I cannot relate to that) , I do know that helpless feeling of watching someone spiral and just stay in a perpetually dark place.
After 2 MC visits, both said our marital issues were totally normal and repairable. S said he didn't want the M to work. They requested to meet him several times by himself. His agitation rose, and he finally said, "cant they see it's all you? You have turned them against me!" It couldn't be him, could it? I told the MC that I didn't think h was in a place to work on the m. H said he wanted to stay in the house. I wanted that too except that I said we would split the bills equally. He told me that was ridiculous. And his behavior became increasingly bizarre and I became concerned for the our welfare.
Shortly after he moved out at my urging, I was watching from afar. Stbxh (we will call him S), has this very carefully orchestrated persona on Twitter. He is a devoted Dad because he tweets and instagrams pics of the kids. He was in a loveless marriage where we both wanted a divorce. We were staying together for the kids. He had been emotionally (haaaaaa!) abused for years and he just suffered through because he loved his kids so much. However, all of this was blocked from people who knew us both. Interesting, huh? Only new 20 something "friends" from work, or that he met on Snapchat or Twitter, or a few from highschool he has seen once or twice in 22 years. He announced he finally was turning into a a person he liked. Really? The most sensitive man in the world who cries at "The Notebook", kids movies, animal videos, etc is finally happy because he walked out on his family? He referred to us as the responsibilities and obligations and that he wanted to live like a college student. Then the epic breakdown a week later with the "I just want someone to love me. I just want someone to want me. I hate myself. I'm stupid." Enter OW. She Start new. Start fresh. She refers to him publicly as her "rescue". Heck she was tweeting stuff about me too. Only thing is that she doesn't know me:)
Friends reached out to me and said "you need to reach out to him." I didn't. And it wasn't because I didn't care. He didn't want my help because he sees me as the problem. It was very challenging because I had always "stuck by him" and "helped him through" his dark times. This is when I truly realized, he did *choose* this and it's time for him to embark on this journey. I am one of those who thinks h will marry OW. She bears an uncanny resemblance to his 1st wife and I think S was deeply affected by her leaving him. It appears he is trying to recapture that. And you know what? If that is what he needs to do then he needs to do it. I will continue on living my life and enjoying the craziness that is in it.
I see you as wanting to remind your h you are there. He knows that. I will be honest-I'm not sure if my stbxh thinks he can talk to me. However, there is no need for me to remind him of that because he is deeply immersed in OW. I don't know if he is on his meds. I know he drinks a great deal now. He never did that prior to getting on his meds. I used to worry about this stuff. Now I don't. It's not mine to deal with although I do have to keep an eye open for the safety of the kids. I don't ask because I wouldn't get a truthful answer anyway. I have the rest of my life to figure out what if any R I am supposed to have with S. And while occassionally that makes me sad, it is what it is.
When I came here, I was fully prepared to *wait* it out and support h through it all. He doesn't want my support or at least not openly. I really commend all that do stand and they certainly should continue to do so until they feel it isn't in their best interests. There is no legal S here-only M or D and finances are important for me and the children. I love reading about reconnections and am always happy for those that do. I also realize that MLC is very real, very destructive, and can only be addressed by the person going through MLC.
So I get the analyzing-I do. Mine is more from a fascination perspective at this point, although I understand you want to "be there" for him. You want to remind him that you love him and you want to R. He knows where you are . How to reach you. It's up to him to do the work. And counseling? He will need a great deal of C and would have to be ready to be honest and do the work. I don't say this to be discouraging, however that is a tall order for a person in crisis. Stbxh went to a C for a couple of visits at the request of OW. He always told me he wanted to address his feelings for oldest S, why he didn't likebeing a father, and his feelings of disdain for the kids. He said he went to see her to talk about "how horrible I was to him and what a terrible person I was." Oh, and I was the reason he wasn't a good father. I just smiled. He is nowhere near ready to address his issues and he may never be. Yes, I rambled to let you know I get it. I do.
Let him go......and look and live fabulously while doing so.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/03/1401:01 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks, GB. How are your welts today? And I'm looking online for some potential "leaked" photos of the driveway strip-tease....
You may hijack my thread anytime. I'll keep this breif so I don't hijack yours...
From what it seems, I am so much like you. I'm known as a complete research nerd in a cheerleader costume. If there is anything I hear that I don't know, I love to look it up. I can see myself evolving into less of an overly-attached-LBS, and more of a detached case-studier, such as yourself. I'm still just reeling and grieving. Stuck in fear. Wanting to cling and help a hurting man that I love dearly, but I cannot help. And I just miss him. I can't even look at photos from last summer without coming apart. And then, finding out I would need to find a new job was a huge kick in the gut on top of this. That took away any wind I had left in my sail.
I appreciate all the insight here so much. I'll keep posting, laughing, falling, overthinking, over analyzing....but I'll get through it. Somehow .
Gb, new jeans for you. I'm writing a neg email to h.
I decided it would be a mlc master piece. I've mentioned pubes, chest hair, dust bunnies dental floss and a few other gems in the hope with humor h can be coxed out long enough to neg a settlement va email.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Victory over stinging insects (at least for now) and I do still have large welts. I realize I shouldn't keep a scorecard, however GB-1 with wounds and Insects-1.
NFL starts tonight....yes! Getting a little anxious about D hearing next Tuesday. I realize it's just a formality, however I just never wanted to see the inside of a courtroom. Some days I wish h would move to Mars. Wait, mentally he is already there.
Sure would like some positive mojo in selling the house. That would be a sweet, pleasant surprise. Maybe I'll crack out the magic 8 ball.
Didn't want to hijack anyone's thread and wanted to say something. Just remember that moving forward is not the same as giving up. Simply means you are living your life-just as you should.
Happy Friday Eve:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hooray for NFL! I'm going to watch my Packers tonight... with some cajun crab dip and some beer. I've been working out all week to save up some calories for this.
I hope your D hearing goes smoothly. From what I hear it's pretty quick if you already have everything lined up, at least here it is. I would imagine there won't be any spectators besides other people who might have court times before/after. I also hope I won't have to be in a courtroom in that particular role. I have actually been in quite a few and witnessed several trials... I was a Legal Studies major and interned at a police department. I also sat with my H in court when he had his DUI hearing because he was so scared. It's funny that he says I wasn't supportive enough and yet I drove 3+ hours to take him to court for something he did that ethically I'm strongly opposed to. Go figure.
When you mentioned being there for your H during his dark times, it reminded me of that new Maroon 5 song, Maps, that you've probably heard becuause I know you know your top 40 ("I was there for your in your darkest times... I wonder where were you when I was at my worst, down on my knees, when you said you had my back"). Been thinking about that one a lot, actually. It could be one of the DB anthems.
I don't stop over here much because my H is a little young for MLC, I think ; ) but appreciate you commenting on my posts so wanted to see what was going on.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
NFL- YES:-). Enjoy the crab dip. I do a mean version of "Maps" in the car since fellow motorists can't hear me.
It sounds like you and your h had a dynamic where he had to be *in control." Let him twist since it's freedom he wants. Enjoy your you time!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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