Well...enough about me, what do YOU think of me???

[Shining]

Links to previous threads:

First post: DENIAL was my HAPPY PLACE!!!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...100#Post2473100

For better or for worse, for richer or for PORES?
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...846#Post2475846

Carry on, My Wayward Son (of a Beeeeaaaaach!!!)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2480267#Post2480267

[LoisB]

I want to just respond with something short for now, because if he opens himself like this, I don't want to reinforce it negatively and ignore....I want to encourage him to be safe with me when he has feelings.

Shining,

I think you gave yourself great advice. Take it. :-)

Maybe something a bit vague and validating..."Thanks for your honesty, I appreciate it."

[Shining]

Connecting convo from last thread, weird spot to transition.....

I'm open for input.... Confused. I've been pursuing less than ever. And he seems to want more distance than ever.....maybe he is saying more, but it feels like he's moving further away....

I haven't seen H in a couple of days, and have been pretty dark since the last time I saw him. We haven't been physical, other than snuggling side by side sitting together at dinner, hugs, kisses....all of which he initiated.

H has been quiet, (we both have) since the last time we saw each other two days ago, and when the talk got weird about his apartment, etc.....then there was the weird text at church when he assumed I was with a guy....

Then today, I receive this:

H: How is your day?

M: Good. Yours?

H: Good. Cleaning day.... I can't believe how much dog hair comes up in just the master bedroom
Sent u a couple emails

M: Ok.

H: Sorry I got quiet. I realized our time together felt very good and liked it and I wanted more.... But we have so much unresolved. I am afraid and caught myself pulling back. This is my fault and not yours. We agreed we would enjoy just spending friendly time together. I took it farther. It's hard to explain I guess.

^^^^i don't even know what he believes he took farther because I saw nothing ^^^^

I don't know how to respond. I want to validate, DB, etc. but that's all I have been doing and he wants more distance.... I think. ?
Typically I would have taken the comment about taking it farther to mean physical ... But he made zero moves that way, and he's not subtle when he does, lol....
Based on the situation, I was taking it to mean emotion. That is what would most likely cause him to freak and run.
I want to just respond with something short for now, because if he opens himself like this, I don't want to reinforce it negatively and ignore....I want to encourage him to be safe with me when he has feelings.

Things he hasn't said like this before:
Sorry he got quiet (openly acknowledging, rather than "none of your business what I do")
Afraid
My fault not yours (owning something....anything!)
Hard to explain
Just processing it all.... Ok, yeah, overthinking. But I'm tuned in.


How about, "I appreciate you being so open and honest with me. Tell me what you need from me, please."
Maybe?


Ok, took the quick advice of LT...

I just sent back, "I appreciate you being so open and honest with me".

H responded: I'm afraid to get emotionally close at this point. I feel good and comfortable with you. It scares me.


NOW WHAT.

Oh, no....

I've gone completely brain dead, it seems. Strange shock feeling has come over my head.

[LoisB]

I see him pulling you into a R talk here. Be careful.

IMO, send a noncommittal smiley face and leave it there for today. I'd avoid anything like "Tell me what you need from me, please." It sounds a bit like pursuing. He seems to respond best when you are detached and living the life (in his mind)...stay mysterious and a bit vague about your intentions...especially when you don't really know what to say. Then, say as little as possible. :-)

[LoisB]

Or..."I'm just glad I could be there for you." ????

[LoisB]

Followed by, "OH Wow! Is that the time? Gotta go rotate the tires."

[Lifes Twists]

I Would say," taking the first steps can be scary. Lets just enjoy the moment."

[Georgiabelle]

Shining,

I would either say nothing because is there really anything to say to that ? Or if you feel you must say something you could say "I understand" and leave it at that.

[Ggrass]

Followed by, "OH Wow! Is that the time? Gotta go rotate the tires."

Splurked coffee! Makes as much sense as their shid, in fact he might even understand that!

[LoisB]

How about, "OMG. I have a Pap Smear scheduled in an hour. I better run."