WAH - chapter 3

[LisaB]

Thanks P! I always really appreciate your perspective. You hit it on the head again I think.

I feel like he is unhappy with the situation with her, but that it is still playing out. So yeah, I guess I just have to wait.

I don't think he will come running back the minute it is over with her. But the chances seem good that at least he might start thinking about "us" again.

The NC and acting like I have moved on that you all recommended seem to be making him more interested in me. So I will try to keep at it.

Thanks pilot!
Hugs, Lisa

[Joe1981]

Keep on keeping on Lisa. You're doing well in all of this and you never know when the fog will lift and a corner will be turned.

Sometimes things seem worst right before improving.

[LisaB]

Hi DB friends!

Thanks Joe for your encouragement!

Went to the party today where WAH was also a guest. I have to say it went pretty wonderfully I think.

I arrived first and was talking to a handsome guy when WAH arrived. Said hello and then basically ignored him and went back to talking to handsome guy.

To make a long story short, WAH was all over me the whole party. I was talking to all the guests, most of whom I didn't know, and whenever I would be chatting with a guy, suddenly I would feel a tap on my shoulder and WAH would be right there offering me a drink or some food or trying to get into the conversation. Too hilarious.

I felt very confident the whole time that WAH was interested and engaged with me. He was all over me.

I felt like he was acting like my very best and closest friend. Following me around, trying to get me to do funny things with him, taking food and drink out of my hand and drinking/eating it, offering me food and drink. Everything was "normal" like the old days other than he didn't really try to kiss me. But he did many times put his hand on my waist in an intimate way while we were talking.

At the end of the party things got quite wild. It was a pool party and people were swimming, getting drunk and having a good time. I decided I had enough and left without saying goodbye to WAH. An hour or so later I got a text message saying "I guess you left, have a good day"

DB friends, I feel good about it. I did my best to seem happy, confident and not to care too much about him. I think I did well.

We shall see what is next but I expect that within a few months he will be suggesting we reunite. I just feel it in my gut that he is not sure. Things are not going well with OW and he misses me. I think he sees my changes and is intrigued. But we shall see, things can change.

BD friends, keep me in your thoughts!
Hugs, Lisa

[Joe1981]

A+ on the execution at the party. Clearly he wanted you by his side last night, especially when he saw you chatting w/ other guys.

Message sent. Now sit back and wait for him to come crawling back to you.

Fantastic work Lisa!

[LisaB]

Thanks Joe for the A+! It's been a long time since I got a good grade!

I feel good about how I pulled off the party. I was nervous about whether I would feel horribly jealous or if I would be anxiously trying to get his attention the whole time. It's possible that those two feelings were his domain instead.

I will say that I noticed a few behaviors from him that I did not like which made me wonder if I want to be with him anyway. He is very immature. Also when he wasn't next to me he was constantly on his cellphone sending messages to who knows who. It's not that I was jealous of who he was messaging, it's more that I'm not into that kind of behavior.

You are at a party. Talk to the people at the party and enjoy yourself. Don't spend the whole time texting on your phone about how cool you are at the party! I find it pathetic validation and attention seeking behavior and he has been doing it a lot more in the past 6 months.

Other than that I had a great time at the party and even met a few guys. No one special but it was fun to flirt.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
Hugs, Lisa

[gan]

Wow, Lisa! You are oozing confidence. I love it. Such a great job!

[vossy]

Lisa. Is your H a very social guy? If not, is it possible he uses the phone as a crutch for those moments when no one is talking to him?

I know I am guilty of that. Until I have had a few drinks, I am very shy. If he was already feeling uncomfortable because you were having so much fun, and he's a bit of an introvert, he may have turned to his phone just for lack of something better to do...?

[cq1]

Lisa Dear, I have been following your thread and watching how much you've changed for the best...yourself. Your courage and your journey is an inspiration to many here on these boards. Though we all have our own Sitch, your willingness to share your journey is giving many insights to everyone here, me included. You have DBers here that are giving you superior opinions. Pilot, OldDog, and others are heaven sent in these lost dark times. From a guys point of view, Pilot is pretty much spot on. With this, I truly do thank them and you. Stay your course and keep pushing that PMA that you found in you.

[claire7]

I second Vossy. It could be a sign he is feeling uncomfortable.

[pilot]

Thanks cq1! It is nice to hear good things about one's self.

Lisa, you are doing great. I knew your H would be a puppy dog around you. And as much as i know you are feeling great about the prospects of reuniting, and as much as I really really hope you get there, I want to just say do not read too much into his actions. I say this because his actions at the party were based on jealousy. And jealousy is NOT a foundation for a lasting relationship. His fear of someone else having you is not a strong enough basis to keep a M together.

Now, that being said, what he did exhibit was really good news for you. It showed he does still care about you and he does still have feelings for you. He has not detached from you and moved on as you might have previously thought. Your task now is to use what you have learned and find a way to light the pathway home for your H. Harder than it sounds though. Because right now your H has not done any work on himself. And for all we know, he may still not be ready to R.

Lisa you know I am 100% in your corner and I am not trying to bring you down off your PMA right now. I just wanted you to be aware of how a guy thinks. You played the party off perfectly. Now that a day or two has passed, your H is either having second thoughts about his actions and losing you, or he may not be having any thoughts at all anymore. You are once again, out of sight out of mind. By that I mean at the party, you were the best 'option' there in his eyes. Now that he is not at the party, that 'option' is no longer being dangled in front of him. Think of it this way. It is much easier to say 'no, I do not care to have steak for dinner tonight' before you throw one on the grill. But take a nice steak off the grill and put it in front of you and try saying no to it. I want you to savor your great efforts, but I want you to also temper expectations. To declare you believe he will want to reconcile because of one party potentially sets you up for a heart break. But more importantly, the expectation could potentially affect your DB efforts which you have been doing so well at. Sandi often cautions LBSs to NOT jump at positive signs too soon, and notes that many who do, end up doing a lot of back tracking. Remember, it took a lot to get the WAS to where they are now, and it will take a lot for them to come back.

Again Lisa, please do not take my post as negative. Let's just look at it as you won a big game this weekend. Celebrate, but come Monday morning, you have a brand new game to prepare for.