I'm the same pilot. Things are going really well at the moment but that's cus I've been detaching and pretty much going dark but when with WAW I appear smartly dressed and confident. If you feel detached enough to attempt something then do it but if you're concerned at her response I wouldn't.
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
Pilot I think you are spot on no touching. It's a matter of respect. You can't look weak. I know I have been weak at times. But we have to respect ourself and what W has done with A,, OM. You are doing it rt. She knows you still care about her and m.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Hi pilot, I was joking a bit about the butt pinching but I think you all got what I meant. She seems to be open and flirting a little. Maybe you could reciprocate in a playful way?
There is a huge difference between winking and grinning at someone and looking at them with sad, in love puppy dog eyes.
Maybe a little harmless flirting and friendliness would be a good experiment soon. But maybe not yet. That's up to you.
Pilot, you are going about it the right way for where you are in your situation. Mine requires some tough love and a little pain to move from the comfortable (for her) rut that has been allowed to be established.
I stopped trying to touch my W a while ago; part of it is respect since that is what she does not want at present, but a bigger part is appearing needy and weak. Since touching is what I desire and it is not reciprocated by her, every time I tried to do so it just showed her that she still had me on that leash and that she didn't need to change anything to keep the status quo.
Me37, W30, S7 Married 10yrs 05/11/04 ILYBINILWY 22/09/13 Disc. OM1 26/09/13 Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14 Affair Confession 21/06/14
W and I share same apartment (for a few more days). W isn't pushing for D.
I sent my W a text today saying if she wanted to bring the kids to the beach (where I live) to play for the day on Monday we can do that. And since I was supposed to get them Tuesday, the kids can just stay here. I told her after the beach day, we can leave the kids with my dad and go watch the Miami/Louisville game somewhere. She replied "ok, I will let you know"
As for the touching and physical contact, who knows what I will do. I typically just play it by ear and see how things are with her and with me. She has seen receptive when I have not been, and I have been willing when she seems non receptive. Guess I will just wait till we are both on the same page.
Igit, I did stop her from what could have turned into something much more physical a couple months ago for that very reason. I am not ready to just jump into an R, physical or emotional until I know she is willing to work on things. Not interested in a one night stand with my W. She has to earn the booty. haha
Casey, I have no idea if I am doing it right in my situation. Often times I think I am doing everything I should not be...but thanks for the vote of confidence!
Lisa as for harmless flirting and friendliness, I pretty much do that. I am a friendly guy by nature, as well as fun flirty. Not an overbearing flirty, but fun and happy. haha, I have no idea how to say that.
Last edited by pilot; 08/30/1404:45 AM.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I was in the grocery store today when I ran into one of my W's old close friends. In fact she was the friend my W stayed with a month or so ago the night she and I went out and we had a great date which 'may/could' have turned physical. Anyways she just started talking...so I sat and listened. She was saying they talked that night about things. About the night she stayed out till 4 with a guy in his car (the story she sticks by). She never mentioned the OM. She did say my W was saying she would never date these guys because she is a mom with kids. What I got from that is these guys did not have enough income to support her. Her friend was saying how shocked and sad she was about our situation. She was saying how she would always tell my W about how mad she was at her H or how they were fighting, and my wife never said anything negative about me ever, or ever had any complaints about me or M. Her H was there listening, and afterwards, he told this friend I was talking to that he bets she was cheating on me. Hah. She said my W was acting so different (there were really close when I met W, roommates in fact and we did a lot of things as a group when I first started dating W) and could not figure out what was up with my W. Her H even said he would prefer she not have anything to do with my W. That was kinda strong IMO.
Anyways, that is that...
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot, it's hard to hear things like that about your w. I know I hate the thought of my w out and about acting single. I look at her now like she is not my w. Trying to look at her like she is sick. Unhappiness is an inside job anyone will tell you that. We can't fix them, we can't do anything but be there for the kids while they go through this. Some WAW will process through there issues sooner then others. It is so hard to detach with kids. I just think the best approach is be there freind no matter what happens. If we can detach it will help us be more attractive to them. I really do believe that us LBS.are really not ourselves going through this process. Time will help. I was at her brothers cabin last night and today thinking how much fun it would be for me to have a women there with me water skiing , hanging out on boat, hot tubing at cabin. Rt. Now I am not sure that woman I want is my w in her current sickness. Hang in there you seem alot like me, happy go lucky, happy in general with life unfortunately our W don't have same dna.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
That is part of what is so frustrating about all of this; you live with someone for years, build a life with them, have children with them, make dreams with them, and one day when they betray you, you realize that you never really knew them at all.
Me37, W30, S7 Married 10yrs 05/11/04 ILYBINILWY 22/09/13 Disc. OM1 26/09/13 Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14 Affair Confession 21/06/14
W and I share same apartment (for a few more days). W isn't pushing for D.
Casey , we don't like the person they currently are. There is no doubt about that. Been w my W for 19yrs. You know some of there issues when together that long. What we don't realize is how those internal issues if not dealt with can manifest and affect all there relationships especially M. Casey keep trying to detach, think about yourself, there isn't anything you can do to help your W rt now. You will know when she is ready. Your still living together and alot can happen if you be true to yourself and GAL , DB, etc..
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
