#42. 50 is the new 40!

[kat727]

Thanks Bets. I have tried to explain to him that I have the best interests of my kid at heart. The one I can see before me. I have always wanted them to believe that they can create a better world for themselves.

Of course this is a huge wrench that I never would have hoped for him or any of my kids for that matter. I didn't hope for a divorce but that happened too. Their need to love something is strong and I really understand that. They want to correct the wrongs they have experienced .

I am getting to where I have a month to find a better job or a second job will be needed until I can. There won't be "grandma sitting" time available to give. I have two thoughts on this and it leaves me torn. My grandmothers and great grandmother were big helps in raising me. My Dad was a single parent I know for at least a year but we lived with my Grandma and Great grandma so he had the built in back ups. When he was first married to my biological Mom, he was working 3 jobs to her 1 before he caught her cheating.

When I had my first, my Mom had just retired and she watched him pretty much that first year for me. Daycare schedules were crazy with my flight schedule and I had to plan it all out. I wonder now, why I didn't let ex do all of that.

I want them to get the reality of it, the gravity of the choices they are making but at the same time to help because I love my son. I just won't have the finances or time to do it. Let alone the fact that I am still raising my two youngest. Oh and struggling it out with my two oldest.

I am torn, wondering if it makes me a worse parent because I want them to get what they are facing. I don't think I would be doing them any favors if I let them go in blind. Maybe they are really listening, they just have to wrap their heads around it. Or should I say my son, since I haven't really talked to them together since I got upset when I found out.

What doesn't kill me right?

kat

[whatisis]

No great thoughts to share...just sayin' I'm thinking of you and praying for your family. You will overcome!

[kat727]

I didn't really want to know but my son texted me with the results. It is a ....baby! No, really it is a girl. I had a feeling. Have to sit with that for a bit.

[mishka422]

It's much harder when you can visualize the gender. I'm so sorry kat.

[Wet]

Ditto to what 'whatisis' said. Your feeling about wanting to have your son learn by having to deal with the path he has chosen, is kind of similar to what we are trying to do using DB with our wives/spouses/ex-husbands, right? What's the most important goal right now? Is it the your granddaughter's welfare, having your son learn from this to make better choices down the road, or something else. You have your work cut out for yourself on this one...

[kat727]

Well I can't "save" him, or fix it. All of these choices aren't mine.

As always, I love him. I can help him where he has asked me. I can remember that this isn't about me. It is fine that I want the best for him, maybe things just won't be as smooth sailing as I had hoped.

I hope that they get the wake up call what they are in for before it happens. I think they need to save everything that they can. Can being naive be a good thing?

Kat

[kat727]

I was really hoping that this weekend would be a chill fest. Instead it bcame a true labor. Friday night the band had just started warming up for the scrimmage and the clouds looked a bit angry. D15 kept telling me that she hoped it rained and they caould just go hime. Well she got her wish and I was drenched. D14 decided not to go to the pool party since she was drenched as well.

Saturday, I was getting(and I suppose I still am) stressed that S18 hasn't told his grandparents about his situation. What, is he going to wait until she is here? They don't have any sense of urgency to get things figured out or in an sort of order. Man they have so much growing up to do. I am trying to step back from it but it is really hard for me. In the past I have always tried to help everyone fix their problems. More recently, I have been learning how to step back and let them work it out. Now though it is different and it is really difficult waiting for him to ask me for help.
My new9er) cable box got unplugged and when I plugged it back in, it basically stopped all of my cable to my tv. It wasn't responding to my remote and the display wasn't showing up as it should. So having to exchange that today. I dedided I better mow by backyard as it was getting out of hand. I did something to my shoulder and babied it Sunday and yesterday.

I am going to a hypnotherapy tonight. I need to deal with this stress better and get unstuck again.

Hope you all are having a lovely day.

kat

[Wet]

Hi Kat, it doesn't sound like it was a very good weekend for you. Rain, a sore shoulder, stress, more stress, and a broken cable box is enough to drive anyone crazy. I hope this week is better for you.

I hope you will tell us how the hypnotherapy works for you, as I know nothing about it. Best wishes.

[BeginningAgain]

Hey Kat,

Sounds like you had a very frustrating weekend - sorry!! :-(

In regard to your S18 - I think you are very wise to step back and just let him deal with things in his own way - even if you feel it is the wrong way. If it is him coming to you for advice then your message may be received in a more positive and clearer light.

I know it's hard watching your child be involved in what you feel is an upcoming train wreck, but IMO I think he needs to learn these lessons and the consequences that come with them on his own, if he's not asking you for input. It is incredibly difficult when we see basically children having children - but some lessons in life are unfortunately only learned the hard way and stubborn children are sometimes only reinforced in their own illogical beliefs when they feel their parents are pressuring them to accept their solutions.

I am praying that your S18 and his GF decide to seek out your advice and help in all of this and of course that the baby is born healthy and cared for.

Best,
BA

[kat727]

Hypnotherapy is using hypnosis to help work out your issues and stress. We worked on my stress, my feelings regarding my son's situation and worked backwards to see where that came from.

Certainly it is time for me to focus on myself. I believe all mothers find that difficult. My words for my son equate to, I love you. I support you but I choose to let you work out your own problems.

I am wiped out but really needed it.

kat