Next chapter....coming up!

[BeginningAgain]

It's like art therapy to me. I either have the TV on or listen to music and for whatever reason, it just makes me feel... happy.

Like a room without a roof? Sorry couldn't resist! A hobby is a great idea. Unfortunately, when it comes to painting or doing any kind of craft type project I have zero and I do mean ZERO talent in that area. Perhaps my hobby could be determining the very best tasting scotch...that's better than a room without a roof!

BA

[mishka422]

That's probably my kind of hobby too BA! My stick figures look like they were drawn by a 2 year old! I used to do some crosstitch but it bothered my neck and my eyes. I'll keep looking through. Maybe I can find something to do that doesn't take much artistic ability.

[mishka422]

I'm so excited! I got a call this morning from Marc! He could only talk a few minutes but he sounded so good. He is loving it and doing very well. He is a flag carrier for his division, passed his swim qualification, passed his DEP test which along with passing his DEP physical fitness test (this coming Monday) will give him E-2 (bump in pay)which would be excellent. Every little bit helps. He is excited and he says he is energized because it's exactly what he wants to be doing. I'm beyond thrilled!

[kat727]

I am so happy for you. It must feel good that he is enjoying what he is doing, what he has dreamed about. He is lucky.

Maybe we all could learn something from Marc.

kat

[mishka422]

You know, being a natural born worrier is a horrible thing!

I have bad dreams every darned night that Marc is being separated from the Navy and comes home depressed and miserable and we are unable to help him find a direction. This is a nightly occurrence and is making me a bit crazy!

Last Saturday several of the moms on the navy for moms message board I belong to said their recruits called them. These are moms with boys in Marc's division yet Marc didn't call. Then I hear that his division has a lot of frustrated recruits because some of the guys still behave like this is high school and cause problems for the rest of them. UH OH! This doesn't sound good. It sounds like something Marc would do. Of course, I have no way to know that and Marc would never tell me if he was the problem anyway. That would mean that I would have to hear from him though which I haven't! I did have that one surprise phone call from him for a few minutes and we had one short letter. ARGH! This is so hard!

I'm hoping that taking this trip with my BFF will help take my mind off of it all for a few days. 5 days of being out of pocket will hopefully clear my head.

[whatisis]

It's a huge adjustment. The thoughts will come...and they will go. The problem with worriers is that we grab on to them and try to analyze and figure it all out and therefore relieve our anxiety. Doesn't happen! Hang in there Mish. Hope you an amazing trip

[mishka422]

Apparently all that was required was me getting to my top anxiety level to put that signal out to the universe. Marc called tonight! I had just finished making dinner and he called Gabe's phone. We got to talk to him for 48 minutes and it was wonderful. He's doing really well. He has had a couple of setbacks but all in all everything is going well. Whew! I feel so much better.

[whatisis]

that's great! Sadly though, your brain really does believe that your anxiety brought this about...that's why we worry, we think we're controlling something that we really aren't. If I don't worry, then something bad will happen...I'm protecting myself. Worry is such an interesting structure...it's absolute BS but somehow we keep doing it 'cuz we have this weird belief that it has some real value. Think about it, what other things do we do that have no real benefit but we do them anyway? Hmmm.

[mishka422]

Very interesting take on it Wii. No, I don't honestly believe that was why the call came. It just is a wonderful coincidence (or divine intervention???).

Hmmm....what other things do we do? Lordy, I know for a fact that I have complete conversations in my head before I even attempt to have them in person. Even regarding the most mundane topics! I call it crazy head, especially since, if the subject is especially difficult for me, it usually doesn't come out the way I rehearsed it!

[Underdog]

Good for you, Mish! I think you and Wii are on the same page here. I believe in manifestation myself. And you got exactly what you wanted and needed.

I think Wii was just trying to say that it would be wise to deal with that anxiety. I've also personally experienced the manifestation of things that I conjure in my anxiety. And who wants what that brings? He's right that anxiety is often far worse than any outcome. And you deserve better!

Just think back to when you were 18. Did you feel anxious being away from your mom? Probably not. Probably excited about living on your own. It helps me put it in perspective.

I come from a long line of women who leave home - on both sides of the family. It's kind of weird. The men stay put and the women bolt. I was fortunate that my mom was fully supportive when I moved from VA to CA in 1988. Of course, everyone thought I'd last a year and move back home, LOL. I met Mr. Wonderful that year and it never happened. I think they were happier when we moved to Denver. It shaved a couple hours off the plane trip, but I know my family would love to have me back. That ain't happening. Ever.

So when my D20 told me she was going to college in NY, although deep down inside I was happy for her, I really wasn't. I hated the thought. And then one of my BFF's back in VA reminded me that we had both dreamed of doing the same and did. She told me it was what I raised her to do, and if I didn't support her, I'd be the biggest hypocrite on the face of the earth. I finally admitted to everyone that I missed her, and it was the selfish side of me speaking.

Now I've accepted that she will ultimately find herself on the east coast somewhere. That's where the chemical engineering jobs that interest her are. Well, also in Michigan, and she's sworn off their winters because she's come to see that I was right about being spoiled in Colorado. I support her and tell her all the time that planes solve problems. And distance doesn't stop me from visiting my family and vice versa, so whatever she decides to do, she does with my blessing.

By changing what was in my heart, I changed the dynamic between us and my life here in Colorado. My soul is much happier for doing the work. And truth be told, I know D20 has noticed it. We get along really well again. That's the boon of growing up.

Sigh. Now to deal with a really crabby D17. She may have special needs, but she's still 17. And there is pretty much nothing worse than a 17 year old girl. Biatches. Crabby, ornery biatches. And sad to say, I was once one of those total pains in the a$$ too.

Hugs, and be gentle with yourself!

Betsey

p.s. Have you thought about getting treated for the anxiety? It really is much better when you see how debilitating it is. Don't feel bad. I also come from a long line of people with anxiety issues too. The important thing is to take it slowly and be patient with yourself.