Hi Gotan, what makes this really difficult is that you two are tied to the hip, because you have to drive her around. It's hard to truly detach because of the kids, and your driving her around.
So I read your posts and I do not see much progress. If she has OM there to meet her emotional needs, then there is not much that she needs you for is there?
Have you read DR? It talks about doing things that work, and doing less of what doesn't. Maybe when she gets back to town shake it up and do something different such as not go to the gym with her. What do you think about this?
I have read the books and I am doing what I can to detach. The thing is she can drive but she asks me to, also one of the things I did learn when I tried to detach more was she expressed that she felt all alone again. From what my therapist and some of the older posters on this site belive is that she is depressed. I also needed to reconnect with her so she can remember what it was like when we did things together. So I give her choices and let her have more control and although it seems that there is no progress I do see some. We had a stale relationship for a long time and while it was not confrontational it was not good. So now we talk a lot when she is home, I am probably over thinking the lack of communication she called right after my last post and we talked for a while. Her cell phone is really bad and she explained that she needed a new one. I knew the cell was bad but didn't even think that was the reason. Even though it has not moved on to more romantic touching she let's me touch her now without the don't tou h me looks. So all in all I should be happy with the progress but I just want my W home.
Oh and believe me all the changes I have done has really shaken up our relationship. I don't think she thought I would change at all or keep up with the changes. So I go day by day and she always asks if I went to crossfit I know my health was a big concern for her.
W came home from business trip and was very tired. So I was being supportive by giving her some space. With her being gone on two trips it feels as though the progress we made has regressed some. She is quite but it may be from fatigue. So I am just going to see how this weekend goes.
W was very tired so she slept in. Went to the mall to get her phone fixed with the kids. She actually let me hold her hand for a little while. She is also calling me honey and darling again. We are getting closer but I still have a very long way to go.
So I have been applying what I have learned through the books and this site. I think things are getting better, I have started to write my W letters like we use to do. Our S14 has lacrosse tryouts for a club team today and she was not happy about it. I talked to her and explained that she could go and we could drop him off (tryouts are at his school and I know a lot of the parents and trust them so they will let me know if there are any problem) . I am going to try and talk with her about this today and maybe see if we can agree to anything. If any of the vets are reading this some help. The techniques in the book are helpful but it's hard to apply to my stitch. It's been three months and I know that is a very short time to try to deal with this I just hope I am on the right rrack. Lately she seems to be frustrated with me over little things is that normal? My therapist thinks this is a good thing because she is starting to feel again and show emotions. I have no clue and I don't want to push her. So when she gets frustrated I tell her if she needs to talk I'm here. I also walk away when things become to emotional for me. She starts to tell me things and stops in the middle of the sentence and says never mind. In the past few weeks this has been increasing in volume. Do you guys think she is starting to open up? I keep hoping that she will start talking to me again, I think when she does we can start working on the problems. I let her know I appreciate the time we spend together and while she still makes not plans other than going to the gyn, the mall and Target we spend this time together. I have been saying to her that if she wants to use the car she can and she still tells me she wants me to drive. I am trying to shake things up but I don't know it seems like when she is not thinking about us being seperated things are better. I can see when she calls me honey she almost stops and thinks I can't do this anymore. I don't think we are further apart but I guess I should be happy with progress measured in inches instead of feet.
Also I have been following Sandi2's advice and most of the rules. I have a question about gifts thought. In the 5LL book her ll is gifts, so I have given her a few small things. The things that I got her she wears and says that she loves. Is this ok? I'm not getting these things to buy back her love but because I think she would like them. I tell her that when I give them to her also, "saw this blank and I thought you would like it".
Today I got offered a job which I took. When I got back we went to the gym and worked out. We then had lunch and picked up S14 for a lacrosse tryout. The difference this time was W went with us. While the tryout happened I took W to a few stores and she seemed happy. After tryouts took S14 home and picked up S10 and S11 and took them to the pool. W and I sat together and talked and read while the kids swam. Took kids home and we went to a few stores for some things and went home. I fixed dinner for her and she said thank you it was good. This weekend was like we were a family again. Things are better but still unable to talk about R but my 180 seems to be having an effect. I still have doubts about if this is working but she still comes home.
All of this giving you're doing... of small gifts, time, effort, cooking, driving, shopping, etc... how are YOU filling your well? How are you taking care of you??!!
I am excited about the job perfect hours and close to the kids schools. I do take care of myself last night I went and saw the Ravens beat the Redskins. I really do enjoy spending time with my W. She has always been my best friend and I think she missed me spending time with her. I also go out with friends and go to the movies. It's hard to fill my well because I want her to touch me very badly but I am happy just being able to touch her a little at a time. She let me rub her legs a little today. As always it's like she is fine with it and then realizes what's going on and stops me.
