Last post in my previous thread was that W and I agreed to try to work things out. W asked that I set up MC session and agreed to drafting no contact letter as well as handing over passwords, phone, etc.
Last night we had D10's bday party at a nearby park. A couple of W's friends stopped by- I'm not sure if W has mentioned anything to them or not. W spent the night last night (on the couch). We seemed to get along fine, by I admit it seemed kind of awkward at times. Just along the lines of how to interact with her now. Trying to be friendly, but not overwhelming. Although we've been apart for almost a yr now, at times it felt like old times. Several times, W talked about things 'we' needed to do around the house.
W left this morning for work. I called after she left to discuss when D10's friends were being picked up and we talked about her plans for the weekend. She's going to a baseball game tonight with her old work group (asked me if that was ok) then taking the kids tomorrow to some caverns. She asked if I wanted to go, I told her I'd like to, but struggle with what (if anything we should tell the kids right now. Not fair to them for us to all of a sudden start hanging out as a family and not let them know what's going on, but it's also way too early to get their hopes up that we can work things out. Thoughts?
Talked briefly about setting up MC session for this week. My IC gave me a recommendation and they have a couples program. I think the no contact letter needs to be drafted and sent soon, just struggle on how to bring that back up with W- email her some templates to get started?
I look to everyone out there that's been through this on how to navigate these next steps...
She's going to a baseball game tonight with her old work group (asked me if that was ok)
You DO realize this is a red flag already don't you? It was only a couple of weeks ago the following happened. She used her mother as the excuse to see OM that time, right?
Be WISE here Tarheel. This could be another cover for seeing the OM, sorry to say. So the whole work group is going without their spouses? IF other spouses are going, why not you? Or All women? To a baseball game?....
I say red flag again.
Here is what happened only a couple of weeks ago. She lied then and she could be lying now. Doesn't pass the smell test.
Quote:
'I'm leaving tonight to head down to Florida for a few much needed "mental health days"... I don't know why I procrastinate telling you these things.. Communication...One more of my crazy a** flaws...I've been dreading telling you for fear you'll be mad, or I'll be "in trouble". I told you I feel like you're my dad sometimes.
Quote:
Feeling so messed up today- found out W did not go with her mom to FL, but instead with OM.
W and I text last night after I found out (she wouldn't answer my calls). Long story short, she claims that there are 15 of them there and she is not 'with OM'. She went to clear her mind and think about things. She's been going to church, praying for an answer, reading things...I have no idea why she was there, what she's been doing, it's not what I think it is, but she's tired of having this same conversation.
W and I have done a few things as a family the last few days and are planning on doing something Monday with the kids. Nothing just the 2 of us yet, although we talked about possibly this weekend. W came over for dinner last night and is planning on coming over tonight and staying over.
MC is set up, but still almost 2 weeks away. She has a couples program, which I believe is based on the Gottman theory, so I'm looking forward to that.
W and I did have a phone conversation last night, just talked about how we're unsure how to interact right now- how often we talk, go out, spend time together?? I welcome any advice on that. I think she's feeling some pressure from me to jump right back into 'normalcy'. I'm trying to back off as I know we need to go slow, but do I send simple texts like 'how was your day?'
I also asked her to start the no contact letter last night. She did admit that she's given OM the heads up that we're working on things and they can no longer talk. Should I insist all contact ends immediately or is that better left for the MC session?
Trying to keep expectations low, but feel good about things so far. Communicating a lot more recently. I'm still validating and asking a lot of non R questions.
Now that she's agreed to MC and working on things, I do find myself questioning if this is really want I want. Will I be able to overcome and forgive? I use the analogy of wanting something because you can't have it, then you finally get it and question why you wanted it. I think MC will help me through that.
Other than that, I welcome any feedback on how to interact with W on what I consider this pre - piecing stage. I need more time (and action) before I'd consider this piecing.
Thanks JCred, I'm aware of what the baseball game deal is, so wasn't concerned with it. This was the night after we agreed to work on things and the mgr gets tix ahead of time, so it didn't bother me. I am keeping my eyes open though!
She's going to a baseball game tonight with her old work group (asked me if that was ok)
You DO realize this is a red flag already don't you? It was only a couple of weeks ago the following happened. She used her mother as the excuse to see OM that time, right?
Be WISE here Tarheel. This could be another cover for seeing the OM, sorry to say. So the whole work group is going without their spouses? IF other spouses are going, why not you? Or All women? To a baseball game?....
I say red flag again.
Here is what happened only a couple of weeks ago. She lied then and she could be lying now. Doesn't pass the smell test.
Quote:
'I'm leaving tonight to head down to Florida for a few much needed "mental health days"... I don't know why I procrastinate telling you these things.. Communication...One more of my crazy a** flaws...I've been dreading telling you for fear you'll be mad, or I'll be "in trouble". I told you I feel like you're my dad sometimes.
Quote:
Feeling so messed up today- found out W did not go with her mom to FL, but instead with OM.
W and I text last night after I found out (she wouldn't answer my calls). Long story short, she claims that there are 15 of them there and she is not 'with OM'. She went to clear her mind and think about things. She's been going to church, praying for an answer, reading things...I have no idea why she was there, what she's been doing, it's not what I think it is, but she's tired of having this same conversation.
Feeling a bit frustrated at a lack of progress, but I know I'm just being impatient.
W had mentioned staying the night on 2 separate occasions this week, but didn't either night. And we've yet to do anything just the two of us yet, although we've had a few good phone conversations. Just work related or about things W would like to redo at the house. Which is funny considering she's not staying here. She's planning on coming over tomorrow to do some things around the house, then we're taking the kids hiking on Monday.
I haven't pushed the no contact letter because I'm not sure if I should or if I should address it in MC, but I have a feeling she's still in contact.
Still trying to GAL- have a few things planned for Sunday. Kept it vague when W asked about my plans. Watching the 'Yes Man' right now- seems to be a pretty strong GAL movie!
She agreed to it and mentioned the other night that she'd start it (I know, should take all of 5 mins to write), but I think Starsky had recommended I wait for MC (post got deleted).
