Better day and night. W and I took kids to pf.chang.for dinner. Had a good time w actually smiled and laughed w me. She went to bed when we got home, pretty tired. We talked about her school for a few minutes. I saw my pastor last night at bible study and told him wife was pursuing a D. He and his wife have known my w for 8yrs. They have tried to reach out to her but she has ignored there efforts. The Pastor called me today and read me a letter they were writing to her. Very touching letter, they just want her to know they miss her and love her , me, and the kids. It's well written and I told them I appreciated there concern and love and I had no issues with them sending.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Started out as good night. Went down to get water and w called me into her room asked me if I talked to my attorney . I said no I hadn't She asked if I was going to talk to her about it . I said I will in time. She then went onto complain about me having all this time with kids and she wishes she wouldn't have taken this job. She said she was exhausted. I said it won't be any different after a D. At least she had help. She was super angry and I kept cool and said I wasn't going to talk to her when she was angry and left her room. She followed me and said I was doing fun things with kids and her brother on purpose. She said she wanted to do this D at beginning of summer. She said we won't be freinds yata.yata yata.yata she was tired of staying in guest room . I told her she could have our room if she wanted. She said she couldn't stand being around me. I didn't say anything just said sorry you feel that way. I did tell her I wasnt convinced her A was over and I wasn't going to let her put our kids through that. She rolled her eyes and said she had to get out of house tonight. She wanted to be with kids and they were upstairs w me. I told her there in bed sleeping. Anyway I think reality is hitting her rt.between eyes. She said she had been patient and let me have this time with kids. I am thinking you have to be kidding me. I think the pressure is getting to her. She wants to be this super independent working D mom with kids. This stinks! She may go off the deal end here I just think she is in a real bad place tonight. I am glad I didn't get suckered into s fight.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Just venting. I certainly don't want a R with her state of mind. She talked about getting apt.closer to work. Staying there a few nights a week because of the drive. I told her it was a good idea alot shorter drive to work. She asked me where I would stay when she came home and I told her I was staying here. I think she is really getting frustrated. Not sure what I can do. I am thinking you had the A. Not me, if you can't stand being here then you can leave. . I am not stopping her. I am not leaving my kids period. She can say whatever she wants, but reality is reality. Both my Attny.and ic said don't leave the home. It is important for kids that I not leave. I won't abandon kids. I am living with a chasos Kid. She may be going off deep end.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Sounds like you are doing well Igit! Stand your ground and continue to put the effort in her court. Make her work for the separation and divorce. You are right; you didn't have the affair and if she wants to pursue the course of action she is pursuing then let her do all the work. I wish my WAW would be a little more decisive and do half the things she threatens to do. Living with a spouse determined to be miserable has got to be the worst sentence there is...
Me37, W30, S7 Married 10yrs 05/11/04 ILYBINILWY 22/09/13 Disc. OM1 26/09/13 Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14 Affair Confession 21/06/14
W and I share same apartment (for a few more days). W isn't pushing for D.
Sorry to hear about your troubles igit and Casey. My W is also the wishy washy one when it comes to saying she will do something and then not follow through when it comes to D stuff. igit you are absolutely doing the right thing by staying in your house. And yes it is super frustrating that they just dont 'get it' but rest assured she will one day.
Keep your chin up. We on the forum 'get it'!!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot thanks for encouragement. She is boo hooing.last night about how tired she is and stressed from teaching job. I'm thinking wtf.classes started wed. Wait till the kids act up or issues with other teachers or whatever. This should be about as easy as it will ever be. You have a h who is helping with kids. See how tired you will be when you do it alone. I told her today to give me her schedule for weekend and I will work with her on it. We have a real estate deal we our working on together, we talked about that. All is good until it's talk about R or D. I am getting to a place that I know I will be ok either way. It's her I am worried about. She hides her depression very well. She is acting all confident and happy rt now. When she gets what she wants a D. Then big dose of reality coming.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Casey thanks for input and encouragement. This board has some good people on it. They should have a DB getaway weekend. No spouses aloud. It sounds like your wife is from chaos kid family too. Hang in there.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Pilot thanks for encouragement. She is boo hooing.last night about how tired she is and stressed from teaching job. I'm thinking wtf.classes started wed. Wait till the kids act up or issues with other teachers or whatever. This should be about as easy as it will ever be. You have a h who is helping with kids. See how tired you will be when you do it alone. I told her today to give me her schedule for weekend and I will work with her on it. We have a real estate deal we our working on together, we talked about that. All is good until it's talk about R or D. I am getting to a place that I know I will be ok either way. It's her I am worried about. She hides her depression very well. She is acting all confident and happy rt now. When she gets what she wants a D. Then big dose of reality coming.
igit, be careful with this line of thinking. I know you are probably right, that your W does not understand how difficult being on her own will be. I feel the same about my W too, as she has never been on her own and always had someone to take care of her. However, the trap you will fall into and seems you may be already is assuming she WILL fail and you will be there to tell her see I told you so as she comes crawling back. She may fail, and she may just make it. I get your line of thinking 'if you think it is hard now, just wait till..." but in the future try not to. For one, it is a sign that you have not detached and are worrying too much about what she is doing. That will cause you nothing but frustration and hurt.
I just moved my W into her new apt today. If I had to bet, I would say she is going to have a lot of troubles. But that is her problem, not mine to solve. Any involvement I have whether it is helping or hurting will do nothing but cause resentment towards me when things go bad. The best I can do is get out of her way and have no involvement so nothing can be my fault.
Best of luck to you buddy. Im still rooting for you.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I am with you pilot. I didn't say that to her, but your rt. It is in the back of my mind. She mentioned her getting apt.closer to work. I thought that was a good idea. Kids stay with me till end of school yr. I don't know if she realizes the confusion for kids. her seeing kids a few days a week.not so sure how its all going to shake out with kids. I don't think it's in her best interest with kids to do that. It will be a major change for everyone, kids stay with me till end of school yr in nice home on 5 acres.move into apt.with mom . It's nuts
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Yes, it is unbelievable how self-centered a WAW can be. And it is no use trying to shame them into seeing the damage their decisions are costing their children and everyone else around them. I used to try but I gave up. You can lead a woman to knowledge but you cannot make her think...
I guess I need to detach more; I thought the same way about my wayward spouse. That she would fall flat on her face once she moved out and had to live in the big bad world on her own. I am not quite to the point of not caring what will happen; after all, she is still the woman I fell in love with and married even if the good in her is hidden by the monster that has taken over her.
Good luck with your situation; maybe reality will intrude on her fantasy once everything is finalized.
Me37, W30, S7 Married 10yrs 05/11/04 ILYBINILWY 22/09/13 Disc. OM1 26/09/13 Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14 Affair Confession 21/06/14
W and I share same apartment (for a few more days). W isn't pushing for D.
