Saving my family - Part 13

[Wonka]

Scorp,

Leave W out of the equation. She's not moving back at all. This is her stance at the moment.

-Can you afford to keep the house by yourself?
-Can you afford to keep the land by yourself?

I am assuming that the land and the house are two separate properties?

[Scorp7]

The land and the house are all one property. It's an acreage on 5 acres of land.

I could afford to keep them on my own. It doesn't make sense
though as my kids are enrolled in school 4 hours away from my home and for them to be with me every other week I need to be there.

If I wasn't paying my W what I am in support then I could afford to rent something or even buy something over there. I don't see that it makes sense to maintain two residences though. I will be forced to do that at least until the acreage sells.

To put this into perspective, and I hope I don't offend anyone with this, my wife has essentially moved to an area that could be compared to Detroit as far as crime and unemployment are concerned. We were living in an area comparable to say North Dakota (from what I hear it has one of the best economies in the US) as far as the economy and job prospects. It makes no sense at all for her to live where she is other than that is where her parents are.

[SunnyB]

To put this into perspective, and I hope I don't offend anyone with this, my wife has essentially moved to an area that could be compared to Detroit as far as crime and unemployment are concerned. We were living in an area comparable to say North Dakota (from what I hear it has one of the best economies in the US) as far as the economy and job prospects. It makes no sense at all for her to live where she is other than that is where her parents are.

Scorp, forgive me, I'm not totally up on your sich, but don't underestimate the stabilizing value of the grandparents. If they are involved with your kids lives in a positive way, that's a huge bonus and possibly worth the move alone.

Also, another thought is that as the grandparents grow older, your W will spend more time caring for them, and if they live near W, that will be less time away for her and less stress on the whole family.

I live 800 miles away from my parents and I have these things on my mind. Moving back to that town isn't an option for me, but I can see the appeal.

[Drew]

Scorp,

You've been arguing for months that your province is a better place to live. I can see how you'd feel that way.

Her position hasn't budged. And the more you try to convince her otherwise, the more she'll stand her ground.

You're also leaving something else out of the equation - she has a friend.

[Barrybran]

Scorp,

Leave W out of the equation. She's not moving back at all. This is her stance at the moment.

^ This

Drew mentioned a couple of pages back that you just present the facts to her and let her make her own decisions on the property. If you can afford it on your own, things may be tight for a while. If you can't, where can you pull a few extra dollars from? You can't force your wife into anything. You've done so well to get to this point. Please remember what got you here. Controlling her isn't the answer.

[Scorp7]

Thanks again for all your input. I agree, I need to just keep it simple, STFU within reason and present the facts to her. I'm going to try to keep it as light and positive as I can and then hear her thoughts. If she's unwilling to discuss it then there's nothing I can do about that. I can't control her.

Wish me luck!

[Scorp7]

Well, a lot has happened since my last posting. My W's mother has been coming along with her for the exchanges with the kids. It prevented us from talking last week but this week we sat down and talked anyway while her mother sat in the car with our kids.

I did offer her the option of moving back to my province, giving her enough money to get her own very nice place and then I would keep our house. She refuses to leave her province even though our place has had zero interest and selling it may mean letting it go for almost nothing. She said she's very happy where she is and doesn't want to give that up. I told her I want her to be happy however we are still tied to our life we made back home. It does not seem to matter.

So, things once again look less than great. I am VERY thankful that she at least is co-parenting with me and sharing time with our kids equally. I can't fathom that she is willing to have us go into bankruptcy so that she can be happy. Perhaps, given more time to think, she may change her mind. I guess we'll see.

[Barrybran]

At least you have your answer. Now you can concentrate on building your life in your wife's province.

[Scorp7]

I wish that were true Barry. Until, or maybe I should say IF our acreage sells, we are in limbo. There's not really any point in even looking at new homes over there until we at least have some interest. Then there is the issue of not having the money to pay for our old place, rent a new place in her area so I can be with the kids now that school is almost ready to go again as well as give her the support money.

I can't say I was surprised she wouldn't agree to move back. I was blown away though by just how single minded she is about her own happiness. It seems her happiness is all that counts. I told her I want her to be happy however we're still in a reality that says our life is in my province.

My D7 called me late last night and was crying. She wanted to come home and missed me. I don't know how my W can see that happening and be unwilling to do anything about it. I also don't know how she can be happy and see our kids going through what they are.

[Barrybran]

I get where you're coming from. It's the hand you've been dealt and you just have to play with the cards you've got. You know for certain your wife isn't moving so you move onto plan B. What can you do to be able to afford to build a life in your wife's province?