Keeping it real

[Zues126]

She's going to live. I think that's what matters.

I found out that she's been drinking to oblivion and seeing several men out of desperation. When the last man dumped her she called me. That's when I came over. Only problem was he was there when I got there. He then basically said he was out and W and I needed to work it out. My W is so conflicted she's borderline scitzo. Told me she loved me always and didn't want D, but after ML changed her story. Asked me Togo to work.

Then, depressed because she hasn't been ready to choose (me or OM) she was angry that she lost him because of me. Asked me who told me to come over (she did). Then she gave up.

I found her phone and broke the rules. I've decided the kids aren't safe with her right now and they need me. I am moving back into my home NOW. She will be in urgent care for 5 days and will be evaluated for inpatient care. I am passing this info on to the doctors because I believe she is so out of control she needs protection from herself. I will stay in my home and raise my kids no matter how tough. At least that's how I feel now, but one day at a time. As for R, it certainly looked like she was in love with OM and hated me, but again, she's said a lot of things that don't add up. Maybe when she's been single and sober 30-60 days well see. That may or may not happen.

[Ss06]

holy moly. I'm thinking of you all. Stay strong!

[CaliGuy]

Wow .... My prayers are with you ... be strong, be the rock you need to be for your family right now.

[u-turn]

This is unimaginable. It's a lot to give, but stay strong for everyone - they all need you right now.
You are in my thoughts.

[Zues126]

Recap:

Found out W was on extremely destrutive spiral including multiple men, modest drug usage, and a lot of alcohol. She was texting with many different people and had a different persona with each one. The healthy people in her life had been losing contact as she was more and more with those with the most problems. Finally she reached out to me and she freaked because it hit too close to reality. She attempted suicide this morning and is in the hospital.

My world has flipped. I was out of house and working full time. At this moment I'm moving back in. My kids need me, and though I've never been a great dad I have been doing better. I have to figure this out.

The scary part is the hypocrisy. If I did this she would use it as proof that I should never again be trusted with the kids. However I have the feeling she and her family are going to expect me to let her resume where she left off. I don't think that's ok right now. I'm going to meet an L right away Monday if possible to find out my rights. Between the attempted suicide and the conversation histories she's had with many guys and their content I don't think any judge would say she's the fit mother right now. I am not sure this will go well, her mother has ready suggested that Cheri needs the children or shed just do this again. That whole premise is crazy.

But the thought if moving in, packig her stuff, taking over as full time dad, and going back to work is overwhelming. I have short term help from my dad. I can get some time off work. But still...so much to do. All I can say is I have my next 24 hours planned out and will do my best day by day.

For now I'm doing ok. But no one should ever be here and this is a severe test in my trust in the universe. I hope the last 10 weeks have prepared me for my task because I cannot fail my Children.

[Jacket]

Thinking of you, Zues. Good luck.

[Maybell]

Zues, the universe is motivating you to become a better person a lot faster than you were ready to, which is HARD but no reason to lose faith.

As a practical matter, I'm a full-time mom and I can tell you that having a plan (written is even better) for each day and each week makes everything a lot, lot easier. Asking for help where you need it is also crucial, and especially in the current circumstances people will be quick to give it so don't hesitate to ask. It's not weak or needy; people were meant to live in community. And great friendships can be born when you trust enough to ask for help.

Whatever kind of dad you've been in the past, that has to be in the past. From now you are a great dad. Think of yourself that way. It makes the job easier.

It's funny how people would think a suicide attempt could be a great healing event, isn't it? Yeah, not really. Don't give in to people like your mil. She's hurting and doesn't understand how her daughter could do this. Probably doesn't understand what came before either.

Praying for you, Zues.

[Sam3]

Zeus -
I'm thinking of you in this difficult situation. My words of encouragement are that I am glad you found DB and DR to help work on yourself. You are in much better place mentally to handle this difficult situation. You will make it and do and do a great job with the kids. You are stronger than you think.

And Thanks again for all your input on my stitch. I haven't updated my stitch in the past week but you were pretty much spot on with your input. I appreciate your advice!

[Zues126]

This is the scariest moment in my life.

This morning W came to from the medicine they had her on to bring her back. First thing she did was text a few people...I know because I saw the history on a duplicate device real time. She said to my sister she was heartbroken because she had lost OM and could never take me back. She also said she thought I was trying to take the kids away from her.

It gets scarier. My kids were supposed to go to a wedding with W. W told MIl to pick the up and take them. I didn't trust the situation. Didn't know if MIl was under instructions to not bring the kids home. Day 1 as sole party realonsible for kids during a crisis, I wasn't letting them leave my side. I said so and said I'd bring them. They said I wasn't invited. Things escalated to the point my W made veiled threats about how she had things she could do to get the kids. Very scary talk. Finally we deescalated and I took kids with MIL and we had a great time.

Now I talk to W and she is calm. Said she is fine now and just wants to be home with the kids. Says she is getting the help she has needed for a long time with some different meds and councling. Said she knows she needs to do what I did and start taking care of herself and growing stronger. And she says she has reconnected with some healthier friends that will take turns watching the kids so she can have some adult time. She says we're just friends, that's all.

I don't know what to believe. She was so crazy yesterday and over the past few months I don't believe she's all right. I don't believe she is ready to take care of herself and don't trust her. She's saying some of the right things but it seems I have two options: 1) trust her and see her make destructive decisions and expose the kids to harm, or 2) tell her I don't trust her and am going to take at least temporary control of the kids which could start a war.

I'm so confused and scared of doing the wrong thing. I can't think clearly because I want to believe she will be ok. And after the last week of her telling me she missed the M and me, even though I know she was using me for comfort it rocked my boat and I am no longer detached and find myself wishing she would snap out of the fog and start thinking about rebuilding.

I will meet with my L, DB coach, and IC. That's not until Monday at least. Sorry to be an attention sponge, but can anyone from outside of this mess see clearly what the truth is? 2x4? I'm trying so hard.

[Maybell]

You aren't an attention sponge at all. This is terrifying. I defer to more experienced people, but you remain in my prayers.