Amoeba Whisperer: "Stay in your OWN Petrie Dish!"

[GoatGal]

Yep.

It's two years here, and he has to PROVE it.
No sharing meals, sharing a bed, doing each other's laundry.

Heck, even the fact that we text each other and spend so much time together is a no-no.

Now...if I wanted to get a D from him, I could get one in 90 days start to finish.

Just have to prove his adultery. Wouldn't be difficult at all since I have the phone records, hotel receipts, witnesses...

There is also the juicy part about forcing OW to take the stand, have people testify---yummy!!!

Not DBing, and definitely the M would be over, but if I wanted a D, it sure has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?

In fact, it's THE DAY AFTER I MENTIONED THIS "FAULT DIVORCE" as a possibility from my end, that HE filed.

I wonder sometimes if it was to stop ME from divorcing him in 90 days!

His lawyer is a newbie---apparently he still doesn't know that I can counter-file with a fault divorce at any point and still be done with him within 90 days!
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And Wonka,

I think you may be right.
I never thought of it that way...
I can see this is important to you.
Hmmmmm.... I'm going to have to think about that some more.


Yes. He could want to talk about anything. Or nothing.
Or it was just a big brain fart and he'll forget all about it.

Maybe he SAID he wants to talk because he wants a reaction from me, but it was only the reaction he wanted, not the talk!

But if it IS about moving the D forward, I like the idea of saying:
"Just put your absolute best offer in writing and I'll have my lawyer look it over."

(I"ll need about three thousand dollars for that, GUBU. You don't mind shelling that out, do you? )


This is the tactic we got from a real estate agent once. Put your highest offer in and it goes into a pile of sealed bids.
Way to get people to spend more than they want to if they want the house!

And NO. I am not going to mediation, if he suggests "we" (I!!!) don't need lawyers for this so "we" (HE!!!) can save money. Heck no.

If he divorces me, I want everything I am entitled to by law. Plus what I deserve. And then some.

If we're "done" then I want to be comfy! I'll only get one shot at that.


And I will NEVER see or speak to him again, that's a promise. And I've told him. I'd be happy to tell him again!
Unless it's in court for non-payment.
It will NEVER HAPPEN. He will be part of the past and that is all.


---GGG

I'll keep you posted!

[Atsbaby]

GGG,

My H wanted to do the same thing! "We can work this out with my L. I'm not trying to scr3w you in any way."

BS! My L told me that the child support and the maintenance (alimony) that Clark offered was way too low. He makes 3x what I do and he only offered about 10% of that to me! Sadly, my state requires mediation prior to court. Way too easy to D in most states these days.

Hopefully, GUBU is just concerned about you or other stuff not concerning the D. Don't get worked up about it. Enjoy your weekend.

[GoatGal]

Thanks, ((Ats!))

In our case, I have been a stay at home "mom" with the animals/remodel/farm for going on 8 years, and became a self-employed artist ten years ago.
Since moving to this dream location to set up my studio and make/sell more work, I found myself more of a caretaker and less of an artist.

(Long story there, I'll spare you the gory details.)

The point is, he has pretty much been the sole provider for ten years, and I have been out of the job market that long.

So that means, he WILL be paying me alimony, probably for at least ten years.

At a bare minimum, he'll be paying me 40% of his income.
That goes to 50% since I have not worked in so long.

Add in my "disabilities" (ADD, Aspergers, Fibromyalgia, chronic back pain, sciatica, Gumby Joints...) that goes to 60%.
Then we've been married for 23 years.
That also counts for a lot in this state.

If he does not pay, he goes TO JAIL.
(That has a nice ring to it, too.)
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Here there is also a 50/50 division of assets. Period.

I get half of EVERYTHING, no matter what. Unless he wants to give me more.
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What I'd really want is to continue on his health insurance.
I doubt Obamacare will pay for my bodywork and the things I need to do to keep going.

They also really frown on trying to hide assets, squirrel away money, etc.
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Back when I discovered OW, I copied EVERYTHING.
I would advise anyone to do this to protect themselves.
It may be "snooping" but you don't want to be taken advantage of.

I went through his computer, email, vehicle, and phone.
I documented everything I could find, even if I wasn't sure what it was.
And I photographed what I could not copy.

There was lots of proof of OW and the extent of their adultery.
I documented his phone records, porn sites, receipts for expensive computer "upgrades" for watching porn, all legal and financial documents, assets, 401K, IRA, all that stuff.


That is all in a hidden lock box, safe and secure.

So there is a starting point if he ever tries to pull any funny stuff.
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This is interesting...

When I confronted HIM about cheating on ME, he immediately changed all the passwords on all the accounts, saying he was afraid I was "going to steal all the money".


Talk about your projections!
(Good thing I'd documented everything before ever saying a word to him!)

But---such a thing never occurred to me.
It would not be in accordance with my values.


Of course, it now appears I am the only one in this M who still HAS any.


---GGG

[GoatGal]

GUBU has arrived... I am only slightly stressing.

Thoughts: My "I'm taking all the time the law allows" has been my FIRM BOUNDARY since all this started.

I'm thinking that back-pedaling on this will convey the message that I might be pushed on other things too.

GUBU has been very accepting of my position and appears to understand, perhaps even be relieved that things are progressing slowly because he may be a bit confused about what is happening here.

(Going back to therapy, emotions all over the place, acting pouty, not getting his own apartment, reaching out often and strangely, wanting to be here....and a lot more.)

Just a theory ^^^ but he hasn't been acting like someone who is in a real hurry to "move on" no matter what he SAYS.

So I'm thinking to stand firm on this one.

It *seems* like a total Starsky/Mr.Bond line in the sand, if I've been reading them correctly.
(Don't want to put words in your mouths, guys!)

So I'm thinking: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

However, if he pushes, I won't stonewall.

I'll say something like: "You're saying it's really important to you to move this along. Sounds like we both have a lot to think about."

And if he pushes, I'll say: "I don't agree that divorce is the only solution to our problems, but if that's what you want, I can't stop you.
However, my stance is still ^^^ (the above)."


And if he brings up moving back here:

"I can see why you'd think that moving here would solve some immediate problems. Can you tell me more about how you see that working out?"

Then: "My well-being is the most important thing to me right now. Under the current circumstances, I don't think it would be healthy for me to be under the same roof."

Then it's BOUNDARY TIME!

1. No goal of R, just see if we can live together at this point.

2. NO OTHER PEOPLE INVOLVED--online or in real life.

3. Common courtesy about coming and going, asking to cover, etc.

4. We BOTH stay in therapy separately.

I'd love to add "withdraw the D" but that's his "safety blanket" to keep me under his thumb, and this whole mess at a distance, so it won't happen. It's his power play and he needs to believe he's got it.

I know that.


??????

----GGG
PS: Who is looking bootylicious, (what's left of it), smelling great, exuding a PMA, looking forward to my great weekend.

Who's stressing? Not THIS GOAT GAL!!!


OK, maybe just a little...

[GoatGal]

And today's theme song?

"These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra.

[Shining]

I just think you're awesome. Love love love reading your posts:). Keep going, GGG. You'll be just fine.

[Cadet]

((((((((HUGS)))))))

You will be fine

[Ss06]

You got this!!!

[GoatGal]

Thanks a lot, you guys!

Just an observation:

GUBU looks like sh*t.
Totally.

He looks like he got punched in the face.
He's pale, gray, grubby looking.
Like he had a dinner of salt water and bourbon.
(Maybe he did.)

He's still trimming his beard in the way he knows I hate. Just stubble.
It's not flattering on a man his age, but he's said that he wants to look like those 50-something guys on the (VIAGRA!) commercials.

(If that isn't a clue to his MLC, I don't know what is.)

He doesn't believe me that he looks better with his regular beard/goatee combo. That looked great, very distinguished, and pretty hot.
Now he looks like he's trying out grunge.

And yes, people.

He arrived with bags and bags of LAUNDRY.
Can you say "TEENAGER"????

At least he knows I'm not going to be doing it!

And on top of all these dirty clothes he's apparently been hoarding, there is--I kid you not---a TIE-DYE TEE SHIRT?

Seriously?

I hope it's to wear working down at the barn...

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He's clearly anxious, can't talk to me without wringing a rag in his hands, eyes darting all over the place.

I asked if he was okay with burying little Eleanor tomorrow. That was fine, we agreed tomorrow would be best.
No mention of his "talk". I'm not even going to bring it up.

We had a brief discussion about the tractor (broken, like so much else around here), I validated him having the skills to fix it.
"I didn't before" he said.
I laughed and said "Guess you do now though, talk about your learning experience!"
I was very upbeat, happy, just getting stuff from my car, not exactly out there to talk to HIM, if you know what I mean.

He talked about the tractor with some decent eye contact, seemed pretty relaxed, talking about how he fixed this and that. You know, all about how great he is, just on a lower level.

He asked about my weekend schedule again.
"When are you leaving?" "Are you dancing/DJing...? etc."

I don't feel this is interest, just him pinning down when I might pop back home and surprise him.
Which might lead to sudden death, apparently!

I told him about my plans, very excited, super fun stuff, playing blues Ukulele at the after party on Sunday night, swimming in the river (skinny dipping, actually, late at night, but probably not for me and I didn't share this part!), just great fun with friends.

It's gonna be awesome!
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THEN he led into "did you see I got the power washer?" (How could I NOT?)
I knew this was coming...

He bought it last week, I didn't mention it, then it kept moving more and more into the foreground of the garage until I almost tripped over it.

This is about staining all the new decks. It requires cooperation, preparation.
Things he'd prefer to avoid.

Last year's deck talk was that he thought I should have done this all by myself last summer when he was off schtupping Ho-worker and showing up at ten, most nights, saying he was "working late" and me buying it.
(Incidentally, now he leaves work about 5 every day!)

He was unbelievably cruel during his affair, berated me for not getting this done alone, for actually wanting some assistance with things like, oh, I dunno... climbing a ladder two stories up with a bucket of stain in 90+ degree heat!
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Anyhow, a few weeks ago he said "Why don't YOU buy the STAIN already????"
He was all ready to buy the stain, and we weren't even close to that part of the project.
I had to use my best DBing to try and keep things on track.

He just resists planning, cooperation, compromise. I have to avoid coming off like the "planner" but really, we can't do things his way.
He has NO PLAN, and then he gets angry when things aren't working or don't come out right.

I have tried the "natural consequences" approach and just let him fail.
Over and over.
I have watched him do shoddy work that he used to do well, without saying one word except to thank him for doing it.

But working together, I can't put myself in the position of him getting angry with me for not being a mind-reader, or having an opinion.
I just don't want to ruin anything else around here if I can avoid it.

Anyhow, I let him lead this about the decks AGAIN, let him give all his thoughts, validated, we even had a bit of a plan by the end...I just know how he hates being pinned down on anything, but is very happy pinning ME down whenever he can.

He wants to be able to PREDICT what I do, while being vague and open-ended himself.

If anyone has any insight on this ^^^ I'd love to hear it!

I said "Well, we can schedule a few weekends so we can get it done, if that works for you."

He mumbled something like "yeah, sure.." and then just walked away.
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Bizarre.
Well not really.
He just wants things to magically fall into place without having to say a thing. He's always been this way.

So I just walked away!
Or should I say: "Sashayed with a sultry hip-swinging walk, taking my time and letting him see my A**ets! "
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I do have a PMA---BUT:
It's sad to see him looking so over the hill and, frankly, not well at all.

Is this a happy man, moving on in his life?
Sure as heck doesn't look like it to me.

I'm still doing INFINITELY better than poor old GUBU.
Really, I don't even like him anymore. He's just a shell of his former self.
As angry as I get with him, I can see he is suffering.
I find I care less and less since he continues to take it out on me in some form or another.

He can't seem to see that I'm the best thing he's got in his life...

And that's the latest, dear readers!

Stay tuned for more updates--LIVE!---- from the Triple G Ranch!


-----GGG

[Georgiabelle]

GGG,
Reading your posts provides much better color commentary than I get via ESPN. Tie die shirt huh? S11 is wearing one today. My stbx wears those faux tux tshirts and Spider-Man tees. Those MLCers are fashion icons.

I can't relate to so much conversation, however just leave GUBU to figure himself out. You sound great. And that's what's important- you being awesome!