Maybell VII

[vossy]

If you can think of something that really and truly would make him -- as in, the "him" that he is right NOW, not the him that he was -- smile, I don't see much harm, although I wouldn't recommend it as a regular thing.

But, it would be better for YOUR sake if you could hold off, I expect. If you have something to make him smile, why not wait until you see him. It might ease the awkwardness..

[Meghan]

Vent away! One thing I've noticed in a lot of the stories on here is that we talk about a lot of what seem to be relatively little problems that have to be dealt with in our relationships, but collectively they add up to a much bigger problem. Death by a thousand paper cuts and all that.

I'm going to get on the no texting bandwagon, hard as it is. If you're asking about what you could say, rather than a more specific question about how to phrase something, this is probably not the time to text. I know you want to reach out more and be closer, but I think it's important to still keep some distance and not pursue.

I think my heart broke a little when you said you wanted to say anything that would make him smile. I had that same thought a lot when H. was still here, and I would have given anything to have him remember that I could make him smile and laugh and that we had some really, really wonderful times together. I get it, but hold strong for now.

[Maybell]

Thanks, y'all! I wanted to text but I knew not to and it really helps to have a crew here to hold my hand and help me remember to keep my eye on the prize.

D11 told me he plays the song "I Just Wanna See That Smile" frequently. I do too.

Someday, I trust.

[Maybell]

Just read through my last couple of pages and realized my PMA was in trouble. New focus, stat.

And not just my PMA. My detachment. Ok. I'm on it.

[Ggrass]

Mine was awesome today. Even with the funeral.

I was up happy and had a customer say hey you really have lot stacks of weight, they wanted my recipe for success.

I now say better meal planing and this and that! Well I can't say go to bed starve for 4 weeks and loose 14kg! Now can I.

I would sit tight.

[labug]

He's also 59, his wife works down the hall, and he's 3 inches shorter than me (among other obstacles to attraction).

Ha. Thanks for the LOL moment! I needed one today!

Doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. I'm not saying that he is but I think he's pushing pretty hard for you to do something that involves not just you and your H but also a 3rd party. And navigating dating as a not-yet Dd woman who still has feelings for her H, with young children-no possible pitfalls there! Yikes!

59 isn't dead, just so y'all know!

[Maybell]

Labug, I guess I was seeing him as very very taken, and me not the slightest bit attracted to him. The guy I was flirting with a few weeks ago was probably over 60.

I don't do well alone. I'm looking forward to having a job so I'm out a lot, people to talk to, and I don't feel like my life is spent locked in the house doing chores.

I'm going to have to plan for how I fill my days when the kids are in school until I land something so I don't go off the deep end.

[labug]

You know me, I take no offense but it does point to how we see things through our lens so much of the time.

What's something that you've always wanted to do but haven't?

[Maybell]

I can:

* Be more intentional about my yoga and running practices
* Go to coffee shops to work on my fiction till the job kicks in (so I don't have to be alone while I'm working)
* Join the Rotary and go to daytime meetings
* Find a way to volunteer at the library
* Visit museums (with or without friends)

That's probably enough. I am doing volunteer work for the elementary PTA and will have to participate in the middle school one now too, and I don't want to become over involved or I'll have a problem when a real job turns up.

[Maybell]

Something interesting I'm wondering... I see a lot of people commenting on being frustrated when their spouses (husbands) don't do some home maintenance thing, like Ss's refrigerator leaking.

When stuff like that happens at my house, I would be amazed if my H even noticed, let alone called anybody about it, let alone knew who to call about it. A week or two before he moved out he pulled the knob off a glass door knob to one of the most-used doors in our house. He got really angry at himself for it (that whole period he was frustrated with himself for bunches of little things) and suggested a couple of silly ways to jerry-rig a "repair." When I fixed the doorknob myself he never even noticed or appeared to remember that it had been broken.

It's like he thinks little fairies float along behind him making sure his spaces are livable. It's actually one of my reservations about reconciling -- that I'll have to be the little fairy making the house work smoothly AND hold down a full-time job and he'll still be in his ADD bubble not noticing, but wondering why I'm grumpy and not initiating sex.

Is it possible I could even HAVE a working marriage with him as a PARTNER? Sometimes it blows my mind that he needed space away from me when he had so few responsibilities here. I guess I must be a much more horrible wife than I realized if he was willing to give up his little house-elf to Be Alone.

Clearly my PMA still needs some attention.