Old dog seeks new trick 2

[Old Dog]

First day of jury service. I volunteered to be foreman. My fellow jurors are now calling me George :-) I'm taking my low fat grill in tomorrow.

And I've got a my first DB coaching session tonight. Woohoo!

[LisaB]

Old Dog your day yesterday sounded really productive and relaxing as well!

Communicative is great, but yes as the others said it can come across weirdly on FB. But being more "in touch" with people by participating, commenting and liking can be good if you do it all in a nice positive way. It is a good way to keep in touch with people you don't see often but like.

Keep us posted on your DB coaching session!

Hugs, LisaB

[Old Dog]

Thanks Lisa. I forgot to say I'm enjoying reading 5LL. Again, I have learned so short a time, in just the first couple of chapters.

I had to skip to the end and do the questionnaire though ;-) First indications are I'm a quality time / physical touch cross breed. I would have guessed physical touch when I saw the chapter headings.

[LisaB]

Dog, I liked that book too. My WAH is quality time/physical touch too. Maybe you can give me some good tips!

I am more words of affirmation/physical. I think that book is so interesting as I constantly tell everyone in my life:
- how nice they look today
- what pretty eyes, hair, skin, etc they have
- how funny they are
- how clever they are
- how much I like their hair, shirt, bag, jewelry, etc etc
And I touch everyone a lot!

It makes me feel so good to compliment people, probably because I think they must love it as much as I do. But I even have some friends who tell me to stop telling them they are so beautiful because it is "just too much". I don't get it. haha.

Providing quality time I have a problem with. I think I'm a bad listener sometimes...

Got any clue what your W is?

Hugs, Lisa

[Meghan]

Old Dog - I'm sorry seeing the Facebook post upset you, but like Lisa said, I'm sure you were missed too. I've actually been staying away from Facebook because it feels like it just exposes me to things I'd rather not know about and the temptation to check in is really strong.

That said, I think Facebook can be good for general communication to keep in touch. I think it's good to be brief and cautious, though, because things are so easily misread and misinterpreted, particularly when they're so emotionally loaded. Plus, we lose somewhere upwards of 70 percent of the meaning of what we say when we communicate through text only, so it's really easy for other people to misread and misinterpret.

Lisa - it's interesting that you've made a point that you give the love you'd want to get, but that it can be difficult for some people to accept.

One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is the tendency to give love in the language we'd most like to receive it in. I think H. and I ran into this trap. I value acts of service a lot, so that's what I did for him, when what he really wanted was physical touch. He never really seemed to appreciate when I'd do things for him, and I don't think he valued the service very much at all.

Conversely. he gave me a lot of physical touch but he wasn't so great about acts of service. Trouble is, I do still quite like physical touch, so he felt he was meeting my needs extensively, didn't realise I needed more, and felt like he wasn't getting anything in return. So we both wound up resentful. I think understanding the ways that we give and receive love is hugely important, and knowing the basics can really help to improve our relationships.

[Old Dog]

Just got off the phone with super DB coach Chuck. He asked the same question.

I think I'd have to say my wife is primarily affirmation with physical streaks.

She's always teling the kids she loves them, how handsome they are, how clever they are etc. In fact we had a running joke where I would say 'it's never me anymore' after she had focused on the kids about something or other or given them the last delicious morsel of food. It was just a joke, I was never offended or jealous. But I now say 'had' because it isn't a joke anymore :-(

But hey enough of that empty glass nonsense. Let's fill it with the fun of knowledge and the realisation of the five love languages. I love learning new things.

So, she loved it when I gave her a massage, especially her feet. She loves snogging/kissing. I'm ashamed to say I wasn't very good at it and never understood why it was such a big deal. I did manage some but not consistently because I didn't make enough of an effort. Give me a chance love and I'll 180 that sucker.

My quality time score was quite a surrise for me. It was equal with physical. Words and Acts of service also came out quite strongly because receiving gifts got a lowly one point for me.

I loved spending time with my wife because she was my best friend and because I could talk to her about anything at all.

And I also do loads of acts of service. Well what I think are acts of service - I haven't got to that part of the book yet.

I wish I could get her to read the book.

Lisa. How can you earn to be a better listener? Practice? It's not all about listening though. Sometimes it's just being there. Comfortable in ourselves. Just watching TV or a film or going to the pub together. Doing things together.

[Wet]

Hi (Not so ) Old Dog, thanks for sharing parts of how you were helped by your coach.

On the topic of learning to be a better listener, I was forced to do this at church where I was a small group leader. Self discovery is everything in small groups, and that is why the table leader has to be skilled at "active" listening - listen to what the other members are saying and either shut up or ask something that helps them to explain more of what they are saying. But the key is you can't be the "teacher" to try and help them learn what you want them to learn. But it works everywhere, it helps at work, with kids, etc. Good luck.

[Old Dog]

Just picked up my bedtime book: 5LL and read 'by quality time I don't mean sitting on the couch watching TV together'.

Shows you how much I know then. NOOB!

I'll see if I can share dome more tomorrow. One thing I'll impart now is. 'Imagine your wife is your sister (in my case)'. You love your sister in a lovingly and detached way.

The 'I like this' button is duely pressed.

Not so Old Dog xx