Possible MLC WAH, and need guidance

[Atsbaby]

Even though I had fun with kids and family at the fair, it was still a little depressing. I think partly the weather...very wet and gloomy. And of course no contact from H, but this is his pattern after time with me...sex, date, very intense convos.

I was thinking back to some of the things h was telling me yesterday. He's very dissatisfied with work. Stated he's doing stuff his way and doesn't care if it's been done their way for 90 years "it needs to change. There's always room for improvement." Validated.

Talked about trading in his jeep for a truck. He has always wanted a jeep and is willing to give up his beloved car for a truck...had a truck in high school and first few years of marriage.

[Atsbaby]

D9 asked an interesting question and didn't surprise me about the response!

"If you could wish for anything in the world, what would it be?"

Both kids asked for unlimited wishes. I said I didn't know, and I truly don't. H said unlimited funds...all the money in the world. He's still trying to buy his happiness. I wish it would click that he can't...I know, this is his journey and he is no where close to getting it!

H is still very much in replay. He's losing weight and trying to have me validate all the positives in his life. Still struggles with work and dad. Has lost interest in the kids...no time with them this weekend. I realized this after he and I went golfing...spent with me not kids.

I did finally break down and contacted a lawyer...for info not to retain. At least I'll be prepared for him if he decides to continue this D thing.

Detach, detach, detach...I really need to because I'm struggling hard right now.

[Shining]

Ats,

Interesting about the replay of golf, teen behavior and truck... They haven't a clue where to find happiness. Oh, yeah....THE HAPPINESS STORE!!! Just buy it.

I'm sorry you're struggling hard right now. I can sooooo relate. Trying to get through the next layer of detachment myself.

I'm glad you looked into L, especially with kids involved.

[Atsbaby]

I want to visit THE HAPPINESS STORE!!

So H stopped by tonight after going to brothers. He showed up at 8:15, talked about me, me, me, then helped tuck babies in at 8:40 and left at 9 after talking about me, me, me. BLAH!!!

I DON'T CARE...I really do, but

Okay, that's enough about ME

New day around the corner!

[Mighty]

Hey, Ats!

AAhhhhhh..... a day in the life of...

I wonder if we video taped them and showed them their behavior if they'd see what we see? OOOORRRRRR.... they'd probably like it because it would be like a home movie of them!

It gets easier, then harder, then easier... you know the drill. Two steps forward, one step back.

You got this.

[Atsbaby]

I love the video tape idea Mighty, but you're probably right that they would love it...all about them!

So last night before I went to bed, I was reading on the boards over some older posts and saw someone talking about the pursuer and distancer. I just so happen to have the book, but hadn't read it yet. Holy cow, this is SO H and me!!

It did hurt to read some of the characteristics, but it's so true. I really have a lot to work on. I'm getting better with some stuff, but man, what a wake up call. I'll finish reading the workbook part tonight and will begin what I need to do to fix my issues. I just haven't figured out how I became this way.

Side note, H is throwing a temper tantrum this morning over a pair of golf shoes that fell apart yesterday. He called the manufacturer and they said there's nothing they can do after 2 years....yet "I'm not done yet" won't let it go!! Validated 3 1/2 hours later.

[Atsbaby]

What a rude a$$!!

So d9 is telling me about her day at dinner, like she always does, and H walks in and interrupts her, not once, not twice, but multiple times. She is tearing up and he doesn't even notice.

Now I know all moms and dads think their kids are smart, but this girl totally understands! I wish I could really tell her what was going on, but I don't think she would understand all of that. All she knows is daddy is having some issues in his head that he needs to figure out.

God love her! I gave both extra attention tonight. They are my world now and they see that dad doesn't care as much as mom. It's so heartbreaking. On that note, I've decided to keep a journal of how often he actually spends time with them. He wants 50% custody...then show it!

[Atsbaby]

Oh, I almost forgot...

We're sitting at practice and a mom walks by asking how we can sit there for 2 hours blah, blah, blah. After she walks away H says jokingly, "stop talking to my girlfriend."

Holy sh!t I wanted to haul off and hit him so hard! I also thought, "I can't talk to your girlfriend, you haven't introduced us yet!" But I held my tongue...not going to back slide. I'm moving forward and ow means nothing to me, so she gets no acknowledgement.

Now that that's out of my system...moving forward to tomorrow

[Atsbaby]

So even though it's sunny out, today was tough. I'm too attached again.

H has contacted me in one or another since I started back to work and today....nothing. I know I shouldn't expect anything, but dang it he began the pursuing!

Then to top it off, the stupid bill from his atty showed up in the mail...what a way to really dampen your spirits. The fact that there is a bill just tells me he is still contacting them on advice, but I thought that's what the retainer was for. I guess it could just be itemized list for what's left of the retainer. I wish he would just tell me something!!

We haven't talked about the relationship in months, he's never said he wants to come home and has continued to indicate d through his flirty texts..."we still going to do this when all is said and done?" OMG!!!

I've got to finish the workbook stuff from the pursuer and distancer section of my book. It said I'd go through days like this and it will take up to two months for his reaction...which if there is none, then i'll know it wasn't meant to be.
Let's hope I get a reaction, cause that's what I feel like I'm getting when I pull way back!

We'll see how tonight goes at practice...

[Atsbaby]

H has been very standoffish tonight. I continued to be polite and watch son play.

We get home and s is complaining he doesn't feel well. I'm trying to take care of him and cook dinner as well as tend to d.
H is sitting at the kitchen table with arms crossed and not helping with anything.

D gets showered and feed, and H is talking with her for a bit. S is showered but remains by the toilet. I eventually cox him to bed and try to figure out why he isn't feeling well. H eventually joins me and is very rude/quiet towards me...something is up with him.

H finally decides that s should sleep in the recliner so he can sit up...ok, but you're not here with him.

As we are sitting quietly, H says we need to talk

We go to the bedroom and he lays down, getting comfortable. Then he begins to come at me about him being a good father and how I don't think he is. I ask him to explain so I can understand. He stated that I've been saying things that I normally wouldn't, like s riding in the back of the jeep when the doors are off. I didn't understand what he meant by that and he said that s always rides up front. I about blew a gasket! I told him that was the first time I had seen s ride in the front without doors. I told him how unsafe it was. He said that he thought I knew s was riding up there....wow!