The Amoeba Whisperer: "It's All Dog Training!"

[Georgiabelle]

GGG,

You can land this triple salchow, triple toe loop in the short program. Yes you can!

[GoatGal]

Thanks, GB.
I think I can.. I think I can... I think I can...
Just maybe not this week.


---GGG

[GoatGal]

And here's my brain, making mountains out of molehills again:

All GUBU REALLY said was:

"Please expect to talk in person tomorrow. ---GUBU"


All that says is he wants to see me in person.
Weird that he signed his name, he never does that except when he's being really weird and trying to make a difficult point.

I haven't seen him since Wednesday.
He knows something is "wrong" with me since I'm not out slaving away as usual.
------------------------
But my reaction to this: You'd think the Apocalypse was upon us, for Pete's sake.
(Who is Pete, anyway?)

I can see how I overreact to things.
Just a few words from him, I twist them around, and make myself nuts.

There is so much fear underlying things, I can see that now.

I get a handle on it and do well for awhile, but then it just starts again.

A tragic case of the "What Ifs".

I am my own worst enemy as far as my anxiety is concerned.

Funny how I was never a particularly anxious person prior to this.
Never needing reassurance or feeling threatened.

I don't like being like this one bit. A big wuss. Scared of a little convo!


It's hard to wrap my head around how this all affects me... never thought it could happen.

----------------Anyhow----------UPDATE---------------


I IGNORED his text comment about talking tomorrow.

Instead I asked about practical things, what needed to be done for the animals (he bugged out of here really quick without finishing anything, so...) and whether or not there were keys for the new basement door lock.

He answered quickly-- yes, there were keys, yes he had one.

I said: "OK. Great that you were able to fix that. Thanks. It helps with feeling safer here alone."

H:--no answer for a long time---then "OK".
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I figure to take Wonka's advice and sit on it for tonight.
See if anything else comes to light.

"Don't go off half-cocked", as they say.

See if he says or does anything else to give me an indication of his intent.

Send the email if I feel it's necessary.

Or just see him when he gets here tomorrow and test the waters, say what I have to say, then take a hike if he starts on some icky stuff!

He might just want to know that I'm not ill--he saw a letter from my OB-GYN, and I had a cancer scare last year at this time.
(Sadly, not that he cared at ALL, before, during, since.)

Who knows what's in that little single cell blob that passes for his brain nowadays? Not much empathy or compassion, that's for sure.
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So I am going to have a pasta feed, watch a Zombie movie, and be glad there is no wine here, because I'd probably drink too much of it and feel like crap tomorrow.

I'm feeling more centered now.

Thanks, y'all.

---GGG

[Cadet]

And here's my brain, making mountains out of molehills again:

All GUBU REALLY said was:

"Please expect to talk in person tomorrow. ---GUBU"

Now maybe this illustrates why I always say to have NO EXPECTATIONS.

[GoatGal]

Sorry, Cadet.

I am dense.

I'm not sure what you mean by this ^^^^.

It it that we BOTH have expectations?


---GGG

[nero]

hey hi gg

just checkin in- you know, alot of what you describe - fits me also. I'm a bit in this longer - and i'd like to think one bit more "even" about it. but it's the same old thing- one does have fear (it's normal i think- get burned , keep away from fire, etc.). i'm not sayin we can't get a tighter control on "it", self, what4ever. i've got more patience and self-control than ever. then in other areas i see myself slip off some edge a bit- rant- carry on. reel me back in- try to keep emotions in check. try to keep my imagination in check- it is my worse enemy - tthen i find self thinking 'BUT WHAT if" that ole imagination is right. and then, and then, .....

it's hard- i succeed-fail- - dust self off, get up, continue. i expect alot more of me than i do of anyone else. i guess we know what we think we're capable of.

someone told me to treat me as i would my best friend-

i try and remember.

i read few days ago a daily "thought" about surendering. not necessarily as in admitting defeat - but in the sense of giving up once and for all in trying to alter, fix, change what is at the moment.

i'm aiming for that- i'm waaaay better. i'm not perfect.

we're just humans who have alot of stress & pain . just my two cents- you're doing okay all in all- don't expect yourself to be able to incorporate allll these db "rules" and regulations immediately and implement perfectly.

i'd say, on the whole, they are a good philosophy and something to use to aim for our goal. Even if the goal is to escape this all entirely without being too "broken" by it- it helps, the forum helps - i wonder every day how long i can do this- then i do one more day.

good luck- xxo

[GoatGal]

Thanks, nero.

You've been at this longer than I have and I value what you have to say.

No... I definitely do NOT want to touch the fire again!


This is the email I decided on.
A miracle of brevity for the old GGG!


"Gubu,

Thanks for letting me know you prefer to talk in person.

Is there something on your mind?"

---GGG


I sent it, heart is pounding.

FEAR--BE GONE!!!!!

[GoatGal]

With this ^^^^ email, I am coming across the way I want.

Supportive, open.. someone he can feel comfortable talking to.
Someone strong and unlikely to freak out.
I gave him an opening...

This creates positive feelings and attraction.
---------------------------

The other craziness I considered writing showed a person who is hurting, who reminds him of all the pain he has caused, who makes him feel guilty and uncomfortable.

That would create negative feelings and avoidance.
--------------------

It's all Amoeba training!

Sometimes being the trainer is hard, though.

I had to remind myself of my goals, stop spinning, and focus on what I can control.

I can always walk away, or agree to talk another time.
I need not agree to ANYTHING, even any conversation.

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Right?


RIGHT!


-----GGG

[GoatGal]

Ooohhhhhh.... Spinning is STUPID!!!!

ME: "Thanks for telling me you want to talk in person. Is there something on your mind?"

He just wrote back:

"Nope. JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW YOU ARE SINCE IT SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE SICK" !!!!!!!!!


Am I dope or what?

And too bad he didn't take the opening.

Maybe to tell me OW was long gone from the workplace, what his "mystery appointments" have been about, if his friend is EVER going to kick him out from his rent-free situation, (six months so far), you know, relevant information.

Won't hold my breath for that to happen anytime soon.
-----------------------------------


Meanwhile, this whole thing did get me thinking.

We do need to start talking about some things.

And I still do need some help around here if I am to stay healthy.

--------------------------------------
Bea, Wonka---

I know there are rescues who take dogs---we are one of them!!!!

My dogs are not "adoptable" which is why they're here.
We have taken the old, tiny, and decrepit from our local SPCA for years, they do the vaccines, licensing, etc. at this point. Minimal medical care.
I think there have been well over 50 since we started.

They are "permanent fosters", in that we are fostering them, but the only place they go from here is to the Rainbow Bridge.
And some are just in a hospice placement.

I'm just not up for euthanizing a bunch of my little babies if I don't absolutely have to. Talk about your punch in the gut...

They're old, blind, infirm, with various ailments and personality issues.
Puppy mill dogs who were so unsocialized that they were catatonic, that sort of things. Fear-biting, screaming, psycho 2 pound Chihuahuas with no hair...

I do very well with these hard cases. Maybe that's why GUBU and I lasted so long!

I love your regular old "doggy type dogs" too, just never had any.

The ones here are either physically or mentally damaged. No families or dog parks for them. Wish I could post a few pics.

Anyhow.

A lot of craziness for nothing.


One of these days, I WILL learn my lesson.

The fact that you believe it, doesn't make it true!


Everybody have a lovely day.

I am going to lie down with a cool rag over my eyes...


---GGG

[Shining]

GGG!!!! Sooooo glad things weren't even a big deal at all! And he was checking on YOU!!!! Gotta love those glimpses of humanity when we see 'em.

A lot of craziness for nothing.

Perfect description of MLC, too.

The fact that you believe it, doesn't make it true!

^^^ love this, too!!

Reminds me of another one, "Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean people aren't out to get me!"