Just start the attorney process. You're not committed to anything but the retainer by doing it. She'll see you mean what you say. It's actually reassuring to do it because you'll be dealing with known variables.
On the off chance she's calling your bluff, you should do it.
I'm sorry you're in this place. Best to you.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
You only stand to weaken your stance if you tell her what you're doing and/or ask why she didn't respond. That, to me, looks like you're grasping at straws to give her one.last.chance to reconsider. And that looks weak and desperate and "grabby," and she won't respect it.
Have you been to a L at all through this process, Tar? Just curious.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
So if I call atty in the morning, do I give W the heads up?
No. Your email (with a specific deadline), was the heads-up. She blew it off.
Time for the consequences to kick in.
I'm sorry, Tar -- I know you wanted her to have some sudden "epiphany" here but sometimes it takes the shock of being served divorce papers for them to turn around (it did for my wife). Others NEVER turn around.
As they often say around here, "this is HER journey." All you can do is keep and enforce your own healthy boundaries now, and pray for her.
You only stand to weaken your stance if you tell her what you're doing and/or ask why she didn't respond.
I'm fighting that urge right now- to ask why no response. I know how that will come across though. Still difficult...
Originally Posted By: Train
Have you been to a L at all through this process, Tar? Just curious.
Yes, I had a consultation mos ago. I called him last week and left a message(after I found out PA), but have yet to hear back from him. Looks like I'll need to follow up today.
Just got off the phone with atty. Financially, I don't think there's anyway we'll be able to afford a contested D, so our other option is an agreed upon dissolution. Which means W and I need to start discussing/negotiating.
I need to start thinking on how to handle telling W that we need to do that- do I send W an email today informing her and providing time/date/location to meet?
You don't know yet that she'll contest what you ask for. I would ask your atty to have her served, drawing up precisely everything (reasonable) that you're seeking, and then do so. If she contests it (and she probably will), you can go from there and do what you can to keep costs down (like mediation).
Hi Tarheel, I'm sorry that it's come down to this for you. I would start the divorce papers right away, in my state its a Divorce Summons and Complaint. If she does not respond within 30 days you get the relief that you ask for in the Complaint. The disadvantage is, you would be the Petitioner. The advantage is you are backing up the line that you've drawn. But just by getting it started does not mean that you cannot also settle together on the issues down the road, to keep costs down. It sounds like your L is not giving you the different options that can take place, so you may want to speak to someone else.
