Tarheel, It's inspirational to me how you are handling this - very strong. I feel like this may eventually be the path that I will have to take. Keep your head up.
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Don't you think you were in denial about the PA? B/c you always said that would be the deal breaker....and yet you knew if you were faced with the truth about the A, you would be backed against the wall. As long as she would not admit it was PA, you could go on believing it wasn't.
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What's going to be difficult is sticking to my boundary should I receive a wishy washy response (or no response at all). If she doesn't reply in a black or white, yes/no type of way, but instead an 'I need more time...let's maybe try dating...or I'm not sure how I feel.' I know I may struggle with moving forward with initiating D should I receive anything but an 'I'm ending OM contact, let's work on our R' response.
Reacting on your emotional state and sticking to what you tell her has been your biggest problem since the beginning. You have to stop being wishy-washy Tarheel. She has learned over years how this works with you, so she bids for more time by not giving black & white answers. And honestly, I think that's why you know her well enough to bank on her response to your deadline Sunday. You know each other well.
Get your big boy britches unpacked. You may need several pair.
(Btw Wonka, thanks for writing about the usage of the word "but" and how it negates what we previously say in a sentence. I have probably been guilty of misusing that little conjunction many times. This reminds me to be more aware of my but. )
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, you're correct. I was in denial of a PA. I knew the clues added up, but refused to believe that this person that I cared about so much would do something like that to me. I don't know why I thought my situation was any different than others on here.
On the flipside, I feel like finally discovering that it was a PA has put me in a position of being able to back up my boundary. I had problems sticking to my guns in previous situations because I wasn't 'there' yet. With what I know now, I'm 'there.'
(Btw Wonka, thanks for writing about the usage of the word "but" and how it negates what we previously say in a sentence. I have probably been guilty of misusing that little conjunction many times. This reminds me to be more aware of my but. )
10pm has come and gone with no response from W...Suppose that's all I need to know.
Was trying not to mindread, but saw that she has talked to a friend quite a bit the last couple days, including texts at 3 am this morning. This friend is D'ing her H. W told me the other day that she had been trying to avoid talking to her because she was just telling W to go forward with D.
I'm going to be the bad person and mind read... No response means she is "confused." She doesn't want to be the one to end any possibility of going back on her decision. HOWEVER, this doesn't mean that she's planning on reconciling. She probably doubts her decision and your letter brings that doubt to the forefront. She's not ready to handle that. It brings up GUILT.
So going back to your deadline, if you don't keep to your promise you will come off like a push over.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
if you don't keep to your promise you will come off like a push over.
Agreed.
It sounds like you're feeling a little defeated tonight, and I can fully understand why you would feel that way, Tarheel.
If I could offer you just one little piece of "advice," it'd be to put fear behind you and operate, instead, from a place of confidence and strength and resolve ... even if it takes everything you've got to put on that front.
It's not over 'til it's over.
Let W see - through your actions - that you say what you mean and mean what you say.
No fear.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
