For better or for worse, for richer or for PORES?

[Ggrass]

Hands shining the cover stick, for them damn pores!

Have a game plan, go have fun without those expectations. We shall be here when you come back.

[daring]

Shining your stress/distress is palpable in your posts- and what great advice from Raine!

I'm still in the thick of all this DBing too but I do remember being where you are. It's part of the LBS stages/cycling I think. Right after BD- I pretty much launched into forgiveness, change for what H wants, then change for what I want to become..... And then BAM! About 7-8 mths in I was suddenly pi$$ed off!! I had no idea where all this anger came from and I remember my counselor saying- " you've put off the anger for so long while you focused on both surviving and growing, but at some point you will have to process this- so let yourself feel it but don't get stuck in it".

I found allowing myself to be angry really helped me move past it. I kept being frustrated with that stage- a and I can identify with many of your words.

So sorry we are all in these situations, and yet so thankful for kindred spirits. It will all be worth it- no matter the outcome. Because we are worthy of love and belonging ( that last statement from my favorite author Brene' Brown).

Sending hugs!!

[Shining]

Haha, GG.... If ONLY cover stick was the solution to all my probs I'd be AWESOME!!!

You're right, tho. I do have expectations. I married someone I expected to act like a H and he isn't.....and I cycle back to wtf-land quite often lately.

Dinner was fine. Nothing eventful. We were supposed to meet at 8:00. I was driving S16 to archery lesson at 5:30 and got a text from H that he wanted to pick me up early since he had to be out of house ... Oh, well, that didn't work for me.

H was trying harder tonight to hide tears. No serious talk at all, but little things seemed to get to him like kids talk, house sale, old times....we didn't dwell on anything all night. It was a major ADD evening of conversation for sure. Friendly, but not deep. H was clearly not into the evening and quite distracted.

H also changed subject more often than before. Seemed disconnect until the end. Then he didn't want me to leave. Seriously?? All night I was practically an imposition, but now you're clingy....

Never got close to any R talk. Ow texted lots. H didn't respond much.... I would have been annoyed if I was her.....

I'm not feeling so positive.

[Ggrass]

Wtf land totally sums up my day!

Nc but boy was I blindsided. I never saw it coming.

[beatrice]

It means whatever I do will be worth it, better all around. I know this in my head.

This is so much more than I think I can take sometimes.

Yes, but because you can write those words, it shows that you can do it. This is a hard journey, but yes, it is worth it in the end. These guys are broken and we are the collateral damage. The challenge is to turn it into a personal success story, regardless of what they are able to do about themselves.

What do we want? You know, most people never really ask themselves that question, and it is a scary one. I think so many of us become absorbed in our marriages, family, friendships and work that we lose sight of who we are.

I have found DBing skills so useful over the years when dealing with others. Listening, validating, having boundaries but being able to roll with the punches

[Atsbaby]

Shining,

Glad to hear the evening went well. You don't really want R talk right now. I would continue what your doing, since it is bringing you back into his life. He is still in replay, just like mine, so we have to be careful when we see a little change. Maybe the tears and distraction are him beginning the withdrawal stage, with reality starting to hit him?

We get so much hope from the positive, yet crazy talk, but we still need to protect our hearts. Let him get over ow and you just continue to date him for now

Today's a new day...do something fun!

[Shining]

Thank you, b, I am going to figure out what it is I do want. We do neglect ourselves and forget our needs over time.

How do you all get to the core of knowing what you want? I think about it, then I get stalled.... I can't seem to get my own "needs and have-to's" out from my head and put into defined concepts....

Ats, great advice. Thank you and you are absolutely right. I don't want r talk right now. It isn't time. I do need to be ready for it. I need to get my gameplan into action. But what's the rush of a talk? Fools rush in, is the term that comes to mind.


So, update:

Woke up this morning at 7:00, and there were several text messages from H. One at 3:19am "I love being with you and there is no close second" (why is there even a "second" at all, jerk?), several more at 4:45am. "Good morning I hope you have a good day". "I really enjoyed seeing you" "I enjoy our (his name and my name) time". (This was what we used to call it in the old days, when we were in a good place.....our names together-time. H hasn't used that term since before suicide attempt in Feb.). <<<<so that's new. So is middle of the night texting...

My response was short. Ok, two responses....but it didn't cycle like before:). All I said was "Good morning, thank you." "It was great seeing you, too. I enjoyed it very much."

Then he sent a pic of the dock from where he is fishing... So I guess he really is fishing. Or not. Whatevs.

Then he sent a few updates on house showings from today. Business.

BUT, in MY DAY,

Went and worked out with my trainer this morning. I have a love/hate R with workouts.... Who doesn't. Felt awesome. My trainer knows generally my sitch, and he's the best about holding me accountable and getting my a$$ moving. Exercise is the best defense I have against my own tendency to sink into depression.

Then, D13 and I went to mall. We got her school clothes.....OH IM NOT A HUGE FAN OF AGE 13!!!! She is actually a very sweet girl, good to her mama, not at all rude or disrespectful. I have seen/worked with many a teen, and I know how icky some of them are. She isn't that....but ewwwwww. She's still 13. Soooooooo worried about what others think. So worried about what to wear to school. We need a major culture overhaul....a change to get away from all the insecurities, fear, guilt, shame.... Grrrrrr vent.

I got a couple of "interview costumes" as I call them. It's funny, in all my years, the people I've seen interview for jobs....they never wear those clothes for their daily position. Just the interview. It is just a costume. "Look at how I fit myself into an image you want me to be able to portray but once I'm here I won't have to so it's really irrelevant anyway but I'm showing you how I know the rules of the game so hire me, mmmkay?" Blech.

Did that sound bitter, jaded, perhaps? Maybe I'm going into my own MLC... What is this all for, anyway. Jobs, clothes, fears of what others think, fears of rejection.... It seems we're all wearing costumes most of the time.

[GoatGal]

Shining: "Did that sound bitter, jaded, perhaps? Maybe I'm going into my own MLC... What is this all for, anyway. Jobs, clothes, fears of what others think, fears of rejection.... It seems we're all wearing costumes most of the time."


I think this all the time. I feel like I'm always trying to act "normal" for "the situation".

And I totally hear you on the "not knowing exactly what it is that we want/need".

I know what I "need". Probably much less than I think.

What do I "want"? The MOON!

So I guess it comes down to what is attainable, what we can live with or without.

Which of our values we're sticking to no matter what, no matter who.

It's a start. I'm still stuck at that starting line myself.

---GGG

[Georgiabelle]

Shining ,

Love the term " interview costumes." Most people look sooooooooo uncomfortable in interview attire- particularly if it is a suit and the only time they wear a suit is during the interview process. I'm sure you will look super fabulous in your costume:-)

[Ggrass]

Post pics to h!

Suits are nice, and you can wear them to work and set a higher standard. I wear war paint snot something I've done for years, but I do every day formal Flicky liquid eyliner, shadows lippy and foundation. I wear more and look more formal than the 20s something's. they have started to tone it down.

I think it's want yo do for you to make you look better and feel better.