The Amoeba Whisperer: "It's All Dog Training!"

[Wonka]

What I Want:
Irrelevant at the moment.

Not true. You do have wants too. Write 'em down, sweetie. They matter. Very much.

[GoatGal]

Wonka--be careful what you ask for!


I want my husband back, the life I believed I had.

I want my dream back, my funny farm, my 501C-3, My rescues, the work we did together.

I want to have that innocence I once had, when I believed GUBU was incapable of doing this to me.

But I get that all this ^^^ is not within my power.

So here is the part you might be aiming for:

I want to be healthy, vibrant, and happy.

I want to continue to do the things I love: Music, Art, Dance, Animals.. all the rest.

I want good friends

I want to be financially stable so I can do the above ^^^.

I want to continue to learn and grow as a person, and as an artist/musician.

I want my life to be interesting and fulfilling.

I want peace, harmony, and beauty in my life

I want emotional connection with others

IF I were to have a relationship. (Funny this didn't pop up as a "want")
I would want it to be based on honesty, vulnerability, commitment, fidelity,
with someone who loves me for ME, who values what I value, who is KIND above all.
Someone who supports me in my endeavors, who allows me the freedom I need to enjoy the above ^^^^.

Someone who treats me well, is emotionally stable, and able to give of himself completely. Someone who thinks he is lucky to have me.

Someone who is a peer and can match me intellectually and in other ways.
Someone who will challenge me, who is assertive, strong, and dependable.
Someone I can respect and admire for who he is. Someone with great character, and who is independent.
Someone I can rely on in good times and bad.

If he were easy on the eyes, that'd be great. But that doesn't matter to me as long as he is well-groomed, healthy, happy, and has a positive outlook.

I guess at this point, I might as well add: "Or She"!

You never know. The home team might have an advantage, why not check it out?


But I'm OK alone too. Better alone than with someone who doesn't meet at least 70% of the above.

Surely there's more...but this is good for now.

---GGG

[Wonka]

GGG,

Thanks! Your wants are beautiful!

Here's the game plan for tomorrow, if you will. You can change whatever you see fit as you know GUBU the best.

The ONE thing he is NOT willing to do is to look inward, deal with emotions or conflict. He can't handle my feelings, much less his own.
He has always been this way.

^^ This is an important reminder to keep in the back of your mind when talking with H tomorrow.

Another thing about the MLCer is this:

-We. cannot. handle. too. much. information. all. at. once.

So go back to your list of needs and wants and review them. Pick out the top 3 or 4 from each of your lists.

Then lay them out to H in a matter-of-fact tone without emotion (or the least amount of it--after all, you're human!). State that you are on the brink of a physical shutdown and you need to focus on getting to a healthier place. You need H's help with XXXX (spell it out) so you will/can YYYYYY.

It is important not to overload H with a bunch of stuff or he'll shut down. The MLC mind can process only so much information. That is why we have Swiss-Cheese for a brain!

Bottom line is this: It's time for you to throw out some truth darts to H about you and your health.

[GoatGal]

Thanks, Wonky!!!

I do tend to go overboard.

(Gee, do you think anyone noticed this on the board? )

Are you saying I should present wants too?
My "wants" don't hinge on him, really. Not at the moment.
He certainly can't meet much of my relationship "wants" at the moment.


Seems like my needs are enough to contend with. But OK...
------------------------------------

I also need to keep it non-emotional, do my validating, listening.

I will avoid any discussion about him living here.

If he brings it up, I will say simply that I agree that is an option, but we should talk another time about how that might look.


I want to hear his suggestions first for dealing with the major issues.
I have my list of possible solutions.
We do not have to decide anything tomorrow, just open the discussion.

I am prepared for his usual---"Well, what do YOU want to do?" tactic.

If so, I can say, "I've thought of this, that, and the other thing. Which do you think would work best?"

Ugghhhh... I have a problem with memorization.
I'm better if I write a letter and read it to him!


---GGG

[Wonka]

Why don't you take a look at your wants list and think about how GUBU will be able to handle in the best way? I can see two from the list that will not make GUBU feel uncomfortable.

[GoatGal]

I agree.
I don't think he'd have a problem with any of them.

They're nothing that he needs to provide.

I'm not sure why it's relevant, though.

I mean, why should he care what I want? He hasn't so far.

Oh.. you mean the relationship wants?

Duh...

I don't see any that he can fulfill of those.

Am I missing something?

---GGG

[GoatGal]

Ooopss.

Sleeping meds kicking in and I gotta go...

I will check first thing in the morning at coffee time!!


---GGG

[Wonka]

From what you've noted in your lab reports, GUBU cannot handle R-related stuff.

Here are some that are not necessarily R-related stuff from your 'wants' list:

-I want to be healthy, vibrant, and happy.
-I want peace, harmony, and beauty in my life

So when you have the "talk" with GUBU, you can recap what your doctor said at your last visit with him. Then lay out what you "want" then ask GUBU what you "need" from him in order to make it happen.

Focus on solutions so you can be healthy again and feel more at peace with your current situation.

Make sense?

Keep the long list of "wants" in your back pocket for the time being.

As for the needs, perhaps you can prioritize it with GUBU with some solutions:

What I Need:

More help around here!

More chances to get out and GAL without paying the price in:
lack of sleep
dealing with GUBU
mess from the dogs if I deviate from their schedule
concerns about getting chores done, locking up the chickens, feeding everyone...
....THEN getting cleaned up and ready to go out.
By the time I'm ready to step out the door, I'm exhausted.

A house that is not a disaster zone.

Better safety measures in place for dealing with livestock.

More security in this house, living here alone, isolated.

Less responsibility with the animals--physical and emotional.

Better health and better sleep.

More support from and contact with others.

You got this, GGG!!!

[Matt165]

I am in total agreement with Wonka here, GGG. Just the things that you feel you must have.....from him...that will allow you to keep going and be healthy.

By the way, I really do think the MLCer has a sense that tells them when we have reached our wits end. When my W was still at home she would avoid talking about anything until I was at a point where I was the least able to do so and keep mu wits about me! It's like they know when the best time is to strike!

You can and will do this, GGG! No sweat. (It's gotta be easier than all you've been doing, Wonder Woman!)

[beatrice]

GGG some distant cousins of mine ran an animal rescue facility - it nearly brought the wife to the brink of collapse. It is incredibly demanding, and NOT a hobby (I am not suggesting that you think it is)

Where I live there are a number of facilities, and they are set up and run as charities, with staff and fundraising in place.

Doing it as a personal venture is really really tough - I used to go and help my cousins (they were a lot older than me) in my vacations and what always struck me was that there was always crisis after crisis. And a lot of drama.

Maybe this is the time to start reviewing the whole process. Which bits you like, and can handle, and which bits you can't. Eventually my cousins gave it up.

Maybe talking about the whole rescue centre and where it is going might be a way in. To say you can't handle the whole operation single handle and ask GUBU for his input?