Thanks JG and Wonka. I did something I wasn't supposed to do. When I saw that Robin Williams died of an apparent suicide, it reminded me of my h. No, don't think h is suicidal. H is very funny and we were very similar humor wise (note were)-except he suffers from severe depression and I'm generally a happy person. Kind of the yin and yang thing.
Anyway, I saw where he tweeted that he hoped people would see after this brilliant man's death that depression is a serious illness. He said he lives with pain every day and the humor helps hide it. It's so interesting that h cut everyone who knows him off and uses twitter to present himself the way he wants others to see him. It's how he met OW. I bring this up because I don't miss that. I hope that doesn't make me sound cold. I wanted very badly for my h to feel *good* and *enjoy* the kids. I think he did sometimes. Of course he that he thought our R was preventing him from joy and happiness. Now he self medicates. Drinks daily. And the reality is he would really have to look at himself and figure out why he behaves the way he does. Very impulsive. He used to tweet funny stuff about the kids or the dogs and now he tweets the f word, horrible things about his coworkers, OW vag( you know the rest), people asking for **** photos. It's sad and bizarre.
However, I realize that this isn't my battle to fight. I have to leave him alone. He will either deal with it or not. I point this out because I used to kick into high gear of " let's try new meds." " you need to see a psychiatrist." Blah. Blah. Blah. That was a cheese less tunnel for me to wander down. It's part of why he can't be alone. Why would you want to be with the person you despise? Himself. He has said so a number of times. Just thinking outloud.
Ran 3 miles today. Good client visits. Talked fantasy football with my boss. Met some nice peeps on my flight. Bad hair day:-(. Can't have it all every day:-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 08/12/1401:33 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
After being a bit reflective last night, I got 8 hours of sleep. This is major for me. A first in a few years. Anyway. Positives for today
It's a good hair day in the neighborhood.
Wearing one of my favorite maxi dresses. Love the maxi dress. Great invention.
Meetings with some of my fave clients today. Uh huh. And I have a super boss. Have I ever said that?
Got 2 new contracts. Yabba dabba do!
And of course my gifts everyday. 3 beautiful, hilarious children spending wonderful time with their fantastic grandparents while I'm gone. My perfect dog who thinks I'm the shizzle. Good friends and family who make me laugh and support my craziness (the good kind). This board. Helps me tremendously. I read so many of your stories even if I don't comment. I feel a unique, unspoken bond with many of you.
It's Tuesday. Life is short. Make it a good day:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I had an epiphany today. I do have them from time to time. When I was a kid, I always wanted to work in a big city in a high rise. I grew up in a very small, rural town in the south. We didn't have much and I always felt like I wanted something *fancy* or what I perceived at the time as glamorous at the time. I would get so excited driving through Miami or Atlanta when I was a kid because I thought those tall buildings today meant something .... BIG!
Today, I was in a meeting on the 27th floor in Manhattan looking out over Central Park and realized a dream had come true. It was true few years ago but I was too *busy* to notice. I never *realized* it until today. It probably sounds silly. However, it made me feel rather giddy. Sending everyone a high kick!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
High kick and a Grande Jete split leap back to you! That is awesome. I'm getting caught up on your stuff after being a bit dragged under with life and whatnot....
I so love your attitude, and I'm inspired, thank you! I'm slowly getting my spunky back....look out! It seems as though you are doing very well overall, and I want to meet you someday with your hilarious kids....we may have that in common, too!
And.....completely agree with your dog. You are the shizzle .
After much deliberation, I filed yesterday. It doesn't make me happy. I still get sad although the moments of anger are rare. At this point, it feels like a necessary business decision. As some of the vets have pointed out and I recognize as well, my h has many issues. Some bigger than others. I'm utilizing this time to still work on me and make me the best I can be. I never dreamed my kids would grow up in a broken home although I realize they've been growing up with a broken dad. They always say to me ," but mommy our situation is do diffeent. You did t fight. Daddy just left." It's difficult for a grown up to understand so I can only imagine their confusion. I just remind then that he does love them and we can't put our lives on hold. I'm not quite ready to say I wish him well although I know I will get there. Door is cracked for R, although it is near unimagineble for me to ever hear my stbx utter the words "perhaps I played a role."
I used to read that 90% of Ms where one suffers from clinical depression end in D. Since both me and my stbx were raised in loving intact families, I never thought that to be a possibility. I had to google stuff about D because I knew nothing about it. I thought I will be a 10% er!!!! I'm not. I did t fail though. I can only do what I can. I don't envy stbx. I don't envy OW. I actually feel a bit of sadness for them both. However, that's their deal. He will be in my life to some degree until death so if I choose R, I have my entire life to have that opp. My focus is on me and the little peeps. I'm so fortunate to have them. My h used to say he didn't love them the way I do. It's not a contest by any stretch. However, he was probably honest and correct in his statement.
I'll stay on the high road. It's really the only road for me although I have been tempted to detour. I've had enough detours and I'm sure I'll have more. And that's perfectly fine. Life is short. One chapter ends and another begins. Onward and upwards.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Georgia, I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you and your h. Yes, the divorce is a necessary business transaction, i.e., one to ensure that the assets are safe, ensure your credit standing, as well as protecting you and your children. You've done everything you can and I know from your postings, you didn't file on a whim. You've given this considerable thought and whatever you do in the future, you'll be okay.
Even though you have filed, you are still a success story because you are a survivor. Whatever you need in the way of support we are here for you.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It sounds as though you have carefully weighed your options, and you're able to do what is best for you and the kids. That shows me how strong you are, and what a wonderful mom your kids have. It's never what we hoped for, but you and your kids are worth the world. So go get it:).
I've been through a bad D .....long ago. Getting to that decision was not easy, and it took me 3 years to file...I needed time to get myself strong enough to get through it.
Losing you will be his biggest regret. Years and years after my ugly D (went to trial), my xh now says that to everyone. No satisfaction for me, but it is his reality now.
I love your attitude, your humor, your intelligence, and integrity. Staying on the high road paid off for me 10 fold in my first marriage. You have great things ahead.
Please stay around, and touch base as you can. You have helped me a ton.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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