After a dreadful night/day on Friday/Saturday I'm beginning to feel more with it again. This may have something to do with physical separation from my wife as I'm back at work and living away. It's obviously easier to detach if you are physically apart.
I've got my PMA hat on today. I called in on a Yoga/meditation practice on the way to work just now on the way to work. At first glance I don't think I can make the classes, but I know there's another one near the flat starting in September I can sign up for.
I will also call a guitar teacher I found so I can get back into playing again.
I've got my counselling session on Thursday.
I finished Men are from Mars, women are from Venus and write a 'love letter' to my wife - you don't send it, it's just for you.
I've started reading Feel the fear and do it anyway but I've paused that got a while until I've re-read Divorce Remedy - it's so full of hope it make you joyous. And I'm going to book three phone sessions with the DB coaches.
Old Dog xx
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
What do you do if your wife is also detaching and going dark on you? Communication between us at the moment is pretty minimal, and what there is seems to be short and to the point.
Years ago she did the first year of a part time counselling course and she's also going to see a counsellor at the moment, so she knows a bit about this stuff.
She doesn't seem to want to tell me anything. She's taking the kids away this weekend to visit friends (I can't go) but I had to ask: when are you going? When are you coming back? It's abroad, so I left her my prepaid debit card, checked the balance, emailed her the number, wished them a good time, said say hello to our friends and all I gon in return is 'thank you'.
Now I've not been very forthcoming in the last couple of months months, but that was me attempting to DB. Instead of piquing her curiosity, she's doing the same to me.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Relax. Yes my W "mirrored" my behavior also. As soon as I went dark, she stopped texting me and calling me also. It is weird isn't it? But trust that something is happening, just not as fast as we would like. Keep at it, and keep working on you.
I'm glad you've booked the DB sessions. Those should be helpful. And I think yoga is a miracle. It truly kept me going through some of the darkest days.
No advice re: the mirroring. Hopefully the DB coaches will help!
After a dreadful night/day on Friday/Saturday I'm beginning to feel more with it again. This may have something to do with physical separation from my wife as I'm back at work and living away. It's obviously easier to detach if you are physically apart.
I feel the same way. When I don't see my H, I have an initial "sad" period but then get on with living and do all right, for the most part.
When we communicate or see each other in person, I get discombobulated and depressed for a couple of days after. Sometimes takes a week to get back on track.
And 54 isn't old!
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
I wish DB coach would get in touch now, come on I've paid up. Call me. Oops! Impatience showing through. But seriously, it would be really good if I can speak to one this weekend as W & kids are away and I've got the next 2 weeks at home with them.
And the yoga teacher can call as well ... please.
Originally Posted By: Nitty
I feel the same way. When I don't see my H, I have an initial "sad" period but then get on with living and do all right, for the most part.
When we communicate or see each other in person, I get discombobulated and depressed for a couple of days after. Sometimes takes a week to get back on track.
And 54 isn't old!
Maybe you've hit on something for me there Nitty. I work away during the week so every time I leave for work I get the separation thing all over again.
Whenever I get an email/text/call from her now - rare these days - my heart jumps. What is she going to say now. And how will my mind interpret that and run with it.
And no, you're right everybody 54 is definately NOT old. But it is a long time to stay emotionally immature.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Hey Old Dog! As you know I was questioning a similar thing. When I would be distant and "neighborly" my H would become short and cold with me.
On the one hand it may be that something is going on below the surface that we can't see.
On the other hand I don't know if it was working for me so now I am trying something a bit different. Not pursuing but being my normal friendly self when he contacts me. Sounds like you are doing that already but she is not responding in kind.
I'm sure your coach will have good advice for you. Please share when you get it!
Hugs, Lisa B
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
I guess we should stop doing things that don't work, try something else and see what happens.
I will definately be bring it up with my coach when I speak to them. I'm going to be at home for two weeks and need reassurance about how to handle it.
I will of course report back.
Sprightly Old Dog xx (just been to see my counsellor)
Last edited by Old Dog; 08/14/1408:14 PM.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
What do you do if your wife is also detaching and going dark on you? Communication between us at the moment is pretty minimal, and what there is seems to be short and to the point.
Years ago she did the first year of a part time counselling course and she's also going to see a counsellor at the moment, so she knows a bit about this stuff.
She doesn't seem to want to tell me anything. She's taking the kids away this weekend to visit friends (I can't go) but I had to ask: when are you going? When are you coming back? It's abroad, so I left her my prepaid debit card, checked the balance, emailed her the number, wished them a good time, said say hello to our friends and all I gon in return is 'thank you'.
Now I've not been very forthcoming in the last couple of months months, but that was me attempting to DB. Instead of piquing her curiosity, she's doing the same to me.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
