"Just reflecting on how important it is to be reminded of how damaging my "going off" on H is. In some ways it's honestly a blind spot for me, particularly in this situation because I feel entirely JUSTIFIED in going off on H because of the A."
But you've had that problem even before your H had an A. Yet you still refuse to go and get help for it. That is something that you seriously need outside help with to give you the right tools to communicate better.
Conflict will always be in your relationships. Conflicts in life are not a choice. How you handle it is.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am going to an IC counselor now MrBond. And on ADs
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
She has really pushed meditation and other visualization/relaxation techniques which we've practiced in her office. She said with enough practice they should give me the few seconds I need to gather and control myself. I have a meditation app I work on every night. I've only seen her 2 times, she on vacation for a few weeks right now.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
But have you been practicing the meditation and visualization techniques that she does with you, on your own?
What you could do is to put those techniques in small ways first and do them often. After awhile, those small actions will become habit for you. But you have to start small and then they'll be real.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yes, I have a meditation app she recommended I do every night.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
The visualization did not work well in her office. Actually made me get upset, she tried to get me to visualize a 'safe' place and every place I imagined had H there. She said that might not be one that works for me but we only did it once.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Just want to document so more unusual behavior by H.
Typically when I text, call or email him he replies almost immediately. The last couple of days he has not. It's really unusual. Of course my mind is racing about OW because this is how he acted during the A. Having said that, I'm also wondering if something big is going on with work. There have been a lot of changes there recently. I'm curious to see how this shakes out and if my suspicions about OW are unfounded. If something is going down at work I'm really curious to see if he tells me. That would be huge if he did (in a positive way). I feel like I've been a good listener about work stuff these past few months -- although now with OW in the office it does feel a bit awkward to discuss work related things with him, it's like the constant elephant in the room.
Anyway, just wanted to document the latest. Of course I will not act on any of my suspicions. I'll just sit back and see what unfolds.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Why don't you just come out and ask him how the new job at work is going? Not only would he probably love to talk about it, you can show off your listening skills and most importantly pull off an entire work convo with him WITHOUT bringing up OW?
Just a thought, but seems pretty straightforward to me.
