Nettles. The councelor you recommended is on maternity leave. I lined up another one for this Friday. Hopefully it can help
Sandi2. I'm actually having to rent that room (it's in the same neighborhood, not next door) for a week or so, I still don't have a place to live in TX. Luckily I travel a bunch for work, so I will be gone most of September.
Another complication, W says she is coming to help consolidate the house, and move stuff over this next week. This will mean that will be both staying in the house, boxing stuff up, and then she I think will be loading it off to Austin.
I will basically be down to a couple items and a suitcase to live of. Honestly I don't trust that she'll come through with actually getting her stuff. But that is another story in and off itself.
So, I'm not grounded. A bit scared honestly. But trying to stay present and make it through these "in between times"
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
You nailed it. Being present is the one thing that I can control. For example, this week I'm up in Vail speaking at a conference. I'm with a bunch of friends, I have my son with me. There are great activities that are funded through the conference organizers.
Earlier this weekend we were horseback riding. Something that is magical and amazing, climbing vail ridge through the Aspens. I found myself getting sucked into my fear, my thoughts, my self doubt, and not intensely enjoying the fact that I am surrounded by amazing people and doing amazing things.
I wasn't Present. I was wallowing in my own guilt, and self loathing. I was letting my fear of the future interfere with enjoying how awesome today is.
Yesterday afternoon I was so done with that. I had a talk with a friend of mine here that new be before and after W left. She had a great perspective. While I had my fair share of the blame before W left, I have been the only one working on myself. I have been the only one there for the kids. BigMac2.0 is a good person, a person who improves himself. BigMac2.0 is a good person who doesn't need to be held back by the guilt of the past. BigMac2.0 is doing everything he can to be strong in the future. BigMac2.0 should be proud of who he is becoming.
I game my friend the biggest hug (she and her husband took me in for the first couple weeks after the separation where I was totally destroyed. That night (last night) I was sitting with some of the top minds in my industry actually being me again. Enjoying great company, and smiling and laughing. It was great.
I need more of this. I can't wait until my life is more settled (I have a place to call home, something that resembles normalcy). I can't wait till this is the rule, not the exception
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
I'm trying. Trust me, I'm trying with all my might
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
W txt'd me monday night. Apparently when I saw her last week I gave her a cold. I did a little banter, and apologized for getting her sick.
I'll see her tonight (she is supposed to pick me and S8 from the airport). Fingers crossed that I haven't gotten her that sick (we just hugged).
This next week (i'm hoping she makes it out on Saturday) she is supposed to fly to our old home and help pack stuff up, and move most of our stuff into her new place.
I'm firmly in the "in-between" times. It's scary, i'm trying to stick with my 180's (though I haven't been sleeping at all since she left). While I am not looking forward to leaving the home we built behind, I can see somewhere on the horizon the possibility of starting to GAL again. Fingers crossed.
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
Made it into Austin, W picked me and S8 from the airport. Apparently the cold that she caught from me is on pretty strong. She was sick as a dog.
She was pretty nice to me, wasn't pulling back from contact. I smiled, was funny, was interested in what she was talking about.
She did drop the OM's name saying he hurt her rib when he hugged her, and told S8 that OM wasn't happy that her cat that she is keeping at his place has flea's.
One thing that was weird, is that in the past I would just flush with emotion when I heard his name, or saw her mentioning him. Now, I just heard it and continued with the conversation.
When I landed, I mentioned that I needed to find a room. She offered to have me sleep in the same house as her (on the air mattress in the room next to hers).
I thought about it for a bit, then told her that while I appreciated it, that I wanted to get a regular bed, and rented a hotel room down the road. (only accept some offers right .. sandi's rules).
One other thing, since I am just going to have a small room, W offered to let me use some closet space in her place. I am trying to keep a distance, but at what point is she trying to let me in, vs trying to keep me close and under control? How do I tell the difference? I have been doing the LRT a couple months now... could it be working?
I did do something sweet though, she was really really sick and didn't have any muscinex, so I went down to the drug store and got some for her. I'm not sure if that is supplicating, but that was something that I would normally do to take care of my W. I hope I didn't screw it up.
After I dropped that stuff off I went out with some friends and watched Indiana Jones in the park, and then hung out. Operation GAL in the new town in full effect.
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
BigMac ... Sounds like you have a few positives there!! As far as the muscinex, I would have done the same, its just compassion and not something I would see as pursuing ... something maybe deep down in her she can take as a token of you caring. Just my .02
I hope they are. I do worry though. I am sure the OM and people around her are poisoning her mind.
I don't know is this is normal, but it seems my world is consumed by fear of divorce, and the impact it will have on me and the kids.
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
It's very normal, BigMac. I am consumed by those same fears.
What I've been doing to cope is to already assume divorce. For example, start googling some articles on how to raise kids after a divorce. Once you accept that reality and get a handle on the logical and tactical things you can do to make the best of life post-divorce, then you set your mind to be better prepared for the worst case scenario.
Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
