Possible MLC WAH, and need guidance

[Atsbaby]

H doing it again...I'm so confused!

I had to text him this morning regarding s10 football, trying to make sure I get him to the correct practice and I don't have coach's # (I should get it).

So I stopped answering him last night and his last comment was he didn't understand his hw. When I texted I said hope all went well with hw, football info...

Got info and thanked, then H proceeded to text that he hoped my hw went well and that I have fun at work....why? Why is he doing this? Is it just touch and goes or is he sensing I'm pulling away?

I know, detach, detach, detach....I can't!!! Aaaauuuuggghhh!

[LoisB]

I know, detach, detach, detach....I can't!!! Aaaauuuuggghhh!

Yes, you CAN.

Center yourself Ats. Find that quiet spot inside that is SEPARATE from him.

When we are hurt and rejected so deeply, we tend to give the abusers a lot of power. Look at him for who he really is today. He is NO PRIZE.

He would be lucky to have you in his life after the stunts he has pulled. Look at him with realistic eyes...the good and the bad. Write it down if you have to.

Be there for yourself, comfort yourself, tell yourself that you are not allowing this man to pull your puppet strings...reassure yourself. If you have to step away and go no contact, then so be it. YOU COME FIRST.

I promise...by taking a step away from him, or two or three, you will NOT influence his MLC in any way.

You can always say, "I appreciate your interest in my life right now, but I need to step away and focus on me and the kids. Unless it's an emergency, please give me some space for a few days, a week, a year, a decade...whatever..."

[Atsbaby]

Thanks Lois!

I've not responded to his text. I went walking/running during s10 football practice to be away from him.

He hung around after practice telling me more about what's going on in his life and the, I kicked him out of the house!

H kept talking and I said that kids start school tomorrow and I gotta get some sleep, bye. H was a little shocked but made a joke and left. Felt good to stand my ground...I've got to do it more with him.

Off to greet my crazies and focus on them for the next 7 hours! So glad I'm back to work, I love my job!

[Mighty]

Good for you. You are on the right path. You are making choices to keep your power and not let him have control over you or your emotions. It will get easier.
Before you know it, it will phase you less and less. You will probably start making decisions to avoid the drama and overbearing emotions. You will probably still think about him and his reaction to this. It gets easier and you will find in time, you won't think so much about him anymore, but yourself. And you will realize you are doing things for yourself and not because of him.
High-five, Ats! You are great!

[Atsbaby]

I know I shouldn't have but I found a little love note from OW...I knew there was one. Should I confront him about the affair? I don't feel this is something I should let go. He didn't really hide it. It was sitting in his eyeglasses case.

[LoisB]

I'm sorry Ats. Maybe give yourself 24 hours to think about the best course of action?

[Mighty]

Yeah ats, I would wait. For what... I'm not sure but time is your friend. You will be better prepared and more in control of what you want to get out of the conversation.

[Atsbaby]

You guys are right about me needing to wait...I'm ready to chop off certain pieces of anatomy!

H had d9 out with him tonight and I was home with s10, when I noticed his stuff sitting on the banister and I just glanced, not trying to snoop. I wonder if he left it to see if I'd find it, testing me.

So I got s settled with a shower and dinner, had to call H reminding him it was a school night to bring d home. Then I left to walk the dog before H got home. When I returned, h was on the phone, I dropped off the dog and left for me time, which I needed before I hauled off and hit H.

I returned from me time, tucked the kids in and h apologized for being late. I validated and told him I'd appreciate some help with the bedtime since they struggle in the mornings. Then I told him I was going to get in the shower and to have a good night.

I was listening for the garage door to close and never heard it, so I took my time getting into the bathroom. Surprise he came in with the excuse that he wanted to make sure he told me the correct time for football on Saturday. Then to tell me his business trip to Houston was delayed (stinks cause I was looking for this break).

H left the room and went outside, I thought he was leaving, but surprise he comes in while I'm in the shower! H begins telling me about his dad (who had to go to the hospital again today...whole different story!) and I validate feelings and try to comfort him. H continues to stay and talk even after I get out...I think he was looking for sex, nope not gonna happen!

It was so hard to talk with him. Again I'm so uncertain why he's trying to connect with me, guilt? Touch and go? Actually wants back with me?

I would like advice on how I should approach him regarding the note I found, or if I really should talk to him about it, maybe let him simmer in guilt?

I think I may need to find a way to get money for a db coach!

Going to watch a funny movie...gotta get a PMA

[TL72*]

you might google "affair down" and read a lot of information before confronting. Get a better understanding about it in combination with MLC. A pretty high percentage of MLC'ers do it.
Continue to focus on you and your GAL activities. Focus on the kids too. I would snoop myself and it only hurt me, didn't change anything so I stopped doing it, that's his journey, his business now. Our minds can go non stop and really make things worse with all the wonder and guessing. Pretend she doesn't exist, focus on working on you. Read the sandi's rules as often as you need to on the newcomers page, I still would read over them even though I knew them pretty much by heart. Reacting in anger will not change anything, find ways to get your anger/grief out without him. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Atsbaby]

Thank you TL. I really don't want to talk with him while I'm angry. I'm still very fired up, but I believe I truly did already know. That note was just confirming what I suspected.

So last night I watched a movie and ignored all electronics...9 texts and 2 messages on iPad.

This morning a just made a quick response of sorry was asleep.

Today...3 emails, 4 messages on iPad, and 2 texts...all while I was at work.

I finally emailed back at 3 just to acknowledge him, and received another email and a phone call since I didn't respond. He then called again once I was home. It's all little stupid stuff, but man is he persistent!

I think this is me pulling him close, not sure, but I will continue to be minimal contact and see how this goes for the next week. Don't stop what's working!