Going to pass on the 4 month trial thing. I think we are past that. I guess it is time to accept that I will get this D. Being agreeable and working towards closing this chapter in my life. I would expect WAW to want to reconcile within the next year or two. I think I am on the right track here, judging by responses from other members.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
"Going to pass on the 4 month trial thing. I think we are past that. I guess it is time to accept that I will get this D. Being agreeable and working towards closing this chapter in my life."
That was quick. Just a week and a half ago you said you were on a positive swing. I guess you just don't have the patience. You do realize that it took awhile to get you to this point. It will take just as long to get out of it.
The problem with you is that you constantly put these "expectations" on your W. You "expect" her to react or do things in a way that YOU want. Doesn't work that way.
You have to be understanding enough to let her process things on her own at her pace so she's onboard.
I guess you expect that if no one follows what you want to do, when you want to do it, then it's not enough.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
A positive swing, and after talking with her...yes, it was positive as she felt we were finally moving toward her wants. I finally "hear her". I am confused mr. Bond. I need your help more than you think. After talk with W last night, I felt like I had been delusional about our situation. She feels we are moving forward with this and is sad she has hurt me, but feels that she has given me plenty of time to focus on what my feelings are. She has told me that we need to start making plans to settle. Therapy was just for me I guess? She did like the first meeting and how it appeared he was helping us move forward. I now cannot see the road for the fog mr.bond. All I know is to stay patient and focus on doing 180's and being her friend. Listening and discussing our divorce. She leaves me alone about it, but when it comes up...... We had our first REAL sit down last night, per our C instruction. She felt it was a good thing and that we should continue...just not so sure about going back to C as she feels we can make these discussion meetings ourself. Today I mentioned we would take tonight's appointment and see how we feel about a third one at the end of the session. Thank you for your reply mr. Bond! I look forward to more guidance.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
I feel the 4 month trial thing is a pipe dream for me. I feel asking would have me backslide in that she is, currently, going to see a C with me. I did buy her the happily ever after project book for kindle and sent it last night. I do not want to give up, but cannot see anything but cheese less tunnels. If I am on the right track, I can continue, I just don't know.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
What cheeseless tunnel? You haven't even tried anything yet.
Let me tell you. It took my W 3 years before she even spoke to me. During that time I changed and made myself a better man.
What you do with the time you have is up to you. If you want to move on and find someone else because you "need" someone, then file the paperwork and move on.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I don't need anyone but she's wanting to move forward with the paperwork what am I to do to stall? What else can I try? I have seen what works and when something doesn't, I go and try something else. As far as tunnels are concerned. What time do I have left? I feel she is nicely pushing this discussion to finish up. What else can I do that will not appear as stalling?
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Looking for input, guidance, discussion......sandi2? Mr.bond?
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Last night's counseling session was good. I told wife that we would see how it went looking for an appointment. The session was about moving forward but trying to build a friendship. This counselor knows I want to reconcile and knows she does not use very careful to make subtle suggestions to her on how to better our relationship as friends. When he would see her body language change he would pause really knowing the fact that he knows this is not to reconcile but simply to be up to move forward as parents. He's being very careful but is offering solutions that on the surface appear to be moving toward what she wants while at the same time trying to repair this relationship and give a solutions. I felt good about the session and as we were leaving she paused and looked at me and said so do you want to come back what you think? We booked another session. He said he realizes there's probably a lot of contempt and simply going through the motions of living together his parents. He wants us to work on communicating about things we joy like we used to. Thus setting homework to talk for an hour this time instead of 45 minutes. This morning things were busy but she posits long enough to look at me and ask when we can talk about the settlement. It seems like every move we make towards positive she wants to talk about divorce. I told her I would have a few things for her this weekend we could sit down and talk. I am scared and I told her this the other night chat I broke down simply said I was just scared. I explained what I meant by that nailed down a few things however I feel like that was backsliding. I realize I've been doing the one 80s and being happy and going about things but it is making her angry because she feels like because I'm being happy and sticking around and being helpful that I'm ignoring the fact that she wants a divorce. How can I actively while living at home with a small child move forward so that she doesn't feel this way. Mr. Bond I know you said go ahead and sign the papers if you need someone. I don't need anyone I want her and I'm willing to do what I need to do I'm simply asking for help from everyone here because I'm at a loss. I feel like I am a fish in a pond full of Nowater. I keeper sorting to reading BB and DR but failed to see how some of the supplies of my time. Not sure what I can actively do other than just be patient and my panic. I've read other threads as they pop up here and see that there are a lot of that's chiming in to help people. Not sure what else I can say here.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Re reading everything here. Mr bond can you give more details on this? "You have to be understanding enough to let her process things on her own at her pace so she's onboard."
See above where I mention she has said she wants to discuss the settlement in order to move forward. What is there for her to process? Please offer me something constructive and positive. What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right?
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Reading DB again. Looking for nuggets of wisdom. I had therapy last night and know I need to be patient and let WAW accept some responsibility for this. I feel I have apologized for the few things that I felt bad about. Although there was only one of those she mentioned in C. We are now trying to build a friendship per our C. Working on not just the day to day family things and not keeping the contempt alive. "Just friendly conversation and complements. Not an attempt to reconcile. " C is trying to get WAW to open up and me to accept that this is over. WAW is now having some sleepless nights. Again, like before she does weird things and says things that are opposite. It is very hard to not believe what you here. I am working on aspects of the settlement to hopefully show here that I am doing okay and since she is still in C ( going on 3rd appt w/ not complaints) that I can move some in her wants too. I am okay. I will be okay. I am patient. My therapist says he cannot believe I have been able to maintain my focus and 180's without just throwing my hands up. WAW is chilling no empathy treating this as a business transaction. I feel she is doing this to kind of be emotionally withdrawn so that I don't get the wrong signals. This is why I think the C suggestion of being friends will work for us. DB page 77 One thing WAW liked about our C is that he did not focus on the past. He jumped right into current sitch. DB page 83 Our C, though we have always met C together said this exact thing last week about the times we got along and what we did together as friends. Nuggets of hope for me.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
