H is out of the house

[MrBond]

Icedtea, do you have your own story? Sounds like you could use the guidance.

[twinmom]

H sent a text saying "I am sorry for being a bad husband and hurting you, how are the twins and Lilly?"

I don't think this deserves a response.

When do you think I should contact H and set up a time for him to see the kids? Wait for him to ask or tell him "on Tuesday from 6 til 9 you are welcome to come see the kids"

I don't plan on being here, I will have my mom here for 15 min before H gets here and won't come home till he leaves (my mom will come back over)

My plan is to go 100% dark in regards to seeing H and 99% in contacting/responding to him.

[MrBond]

"H sent a text saying "I am sorry for being a bad husband and hurting you, how are the twins and Lilly?"

I don't think this deserves a response."

It doesn't.

"When do you think I should contact H and set up a time for him to see the kids? Wait for him to ask or tell him "on Tuesday from 6 til 9 you are welcome to come see the kids"

Don't go out of your way to accommodate him or make him see the kids. Leave that up to him. He has to earn the trust back with you.

[Icedtea]

Icedtea, do you have your own story? Sounds like you could use the guidance.

Thanks! I finally posted my details on here. Just so much to put down and so upsetting to memorialize

[twinmom]

The older boys wanted to go see teenage mutant turtles... I just don't have the patience or energy to take them all. Yesterday I took everyone to cheesecake factory and then shopping at the mall at that was just exhausting.

I sent H a text saying he can see the twins and Lilly tomorrow evening from 5:30 till 8:30pm (the movie starts at 6) he never responded to me.

He did text me asking if Lilly's birth certificate came in the mail today because he needs to fax to insurance company.

I didn't respond to that (it didn't come)



I am lonely, tired, and all out of patience with the kids. No I don't have anyone I can call and get a break.
I didn't realize how nice it was to have another adult here in the evening again. Even if it was just for a little conversation and help with the kids.

This just TOTALLY stinks and I am trying really really really hard not to text or call H. I miss him, I realized I am not even close to being detached at all.

[Maybell]

How could you possibly have been detached after the last two months? You'd have to be inhuman.

Are you sure there's NOBODY you could call? Not even a neighbor to come have a drink of something? Not somebody to do stuff for you, but somebody just to add adult conversation to your day?

It's no wonder you don't have patience for the kids, so do the best you can and try not to beat yourself up about it. But I hope you can find some support.

Sending you warm thoughts...

[kml]

Yes, you do have someone you can call and get a break. Your H can take his kids for regular visitation. Start setting that up. Make him step up to the plate with a regular schedule.

I know you still have your older kids, but do they have regular visitation with THEIR father? If so, set up visitation at the same time so you get a real break.

[twinmom]

Kml my ex-husband and I have 50/50 custody, the older boys spend Thursday Friday Saturday and half of Sunday with their dad. The problem is H went to his parents house, his mom has an issue with hoarding and they have w2 dogs that are not kid friendly. I have actually never been inside his parents house.

He has no where to "take" them so visitation has to be at my house which right now I don't want to see H at all so I have to leave. I am tempted to just drive to the park and sleep in my van while H is with the kids.

My 8yr old was upset last night so I let him call H. I never got on the phone or was even in the same room.

Last night H sent a text asking about flex spending account, I replied sometime in the night when I was up feeding Lilly. He texted this morning "good morning, there is over $700 in flex spending please pay medical bills for Lilly" I didn't respond.

This afternoon he sent another text asking if he could buy school supplies from me to donate. I didn't respond. I will just leave what I am willing to donate in a bag on the table tonight when I leave.

I posted pic of D2 hair on fb (she let me braid it for the first time) and just a random pic of S2 smiling. H sent a text saying that the pics were great and they were the cutest 2yr olds ever. Again I didn't respond.


I went back and looked through my texts from when he was living with OW, he never started the day with "good morning" he would just say whatever he wanted to communicate. He also never commented on fb pics of the kids. (Just journaling this as it is a change in H's behavior, it does NOT change anything for me)

[claire7]

Well, if he is not paying rent, can he give you $ to hire a sitter once in a while? Do the kids go to school or daycare at all? Can he take the kids and baby out somewhere for a few hours while the older ones are with their dad? A nursing mom in a healthy M needs plenty of rest, much less a mom with 5 young kids in your sitch. Oy.

[twinmom]

My mom came over and stayed with the twins and the baby until H got here so I could take the boys to see the movie and not have to see H. My cousin was supposed to come over at 9 so H could leave and I wouldn't have to see him. She got stuck at work so I had to see H tonight :-(

(Movie was AWESOME by the way, the boys and I loved it)

H put the twins to bed and the boys went upstairs. I asked H when he wanted to see the kids again, I told him that I wouldn't be able to leave every time as I am VERY tired doing this by myself and needed him to take the kids so I could sleep.
He said he was sorry for everything, he doesn't deserve me and that he wanted to fight for us. He said he was scared at how much work out would be and that is why he cheated. He said the kids and I deserve a happy life. He said he wanted "us"
I said "it's a lot to think about and things aren't that simple anymore" (thanks Starsky for that line)

H said he understood and knew the pain was still fresh for me and that I needed time......

So advice PLEASE! Is this where I tell him my "conditions" such as IC for him, NC, transparency plan, my needs, etc? Or do I do nothing and stay dark? (I have not been replying to 99% of his texts, and there have been a lot)