In DB chapter 4 changing your behavior, I think I am doing this but I have no clue if it is working. My W seems to be a little sad and hard to reach. I try to engage her in conversation but only get ok and I understand.
Took two of our four kids to the park today with W. When we were about to leave she said that she was going to re-watch a TV series that she liked. I said oh then I will stay at home and you can have fun with the kids. She then wanted to know why I was staying home. I told her that she could have some time with the kids and if she was going to watch a TV then we could not ralk. She said oh and left her headphones at home. She has seemed a little depressed and irritable. I think she is starting to see what she has done to her family. The kids also did not want to go to the pool with her and that also made her a little sad. One of the things she said that she wanted to do is do the things she wanted to do with the kids. What she never really understand is the kids didn't want to do the things she wanted to do. She has yet to come up with a new activity for them to do.
My mom called and talked to me. She said she talked to my wife and she said she still loved me and enjoyed spending time with me. She also told her that the earliest she could see moving back home was the second week in the new school year. That would be September , she also said that something's have to change.she called and wanted to know our plans for the weekend. She travels for work so she stayed at home went to Philly and will come back home and leave for London. So we as a family are going to an Art Festival Friday and her and I are going on a brewery tour. When I Tolbert about the tour she said she was happy to go. What kind of separation is the kind where she is only gone two to three days and she does nothing while gone.is she playing some kind of game?
Sorry to go so far back but who ^^^said what here???
Is your MOM saying "Somethings have to change" or your wife or both? And is your mom coming to live with you again?
and how does your wife feel about THAT?
What, if anything, will be done to address your mom living with you?
Do you ever think your wife might feel less alienated from family, and more like "the woman of the house" if your mom stepped back more?
Or anything along any NEW lines?
In other words, can you change some of the dynamic at all?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Took two of our four kids to the park today with W. When we were about to leave she said that she was going to re-watch a TV series that she liked. I said oh then I will stay at home and you can have fun with the kids. She then wanted to know why I was staying home. Seemed to me she wanted some alone time. Do you see something else in her request?
Or were you simply offering her an alternative to what she just said she intended to do? I told her that she could have some time with the kids and if she was going to watch a TV then we could not ralk. She said oh and left her headphones at home. She has seemed a little depressed and irritable. Is it possible she felt controlled by you here? Seems as if You basically told her she was not "allowed" to watch her shows, b/c "then you could not talk".
Had she asked to talk to you?
I think she is starting to see what she has done to her family. In general, you mean?
The kids also did not want to go to the pool with her and that also made her a little sad. One of the things she said that she wanted to do is do the things she wanted to do with the kids. ^^^which are what?
And have you backed off enough to let her take the lead and initiate with them? And how is she doing with a counselor?
What she never really understand is the kids didn't want to do the things she wanted to do. She has yet to come up with a new activity for them to do.
Can you privately help her with the kids activities? OR ask the kids for their ideas.
So you know, I DO see a lot of positives in your recent interactions. Some of what you are doing IS working.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Sorry for the misunderstanding, No my W wanted to go to the pool with the kids. One of the kids didn't want to go and the other didn't want to go alone. They then said they would like to go to the park. While we were getting ready to leave my W said that she was going to rewatch a tv show that she had seen at the park on her iPad. I said oh then you don't need me to go I will stay home and you can have fun with the kids.
I was not trying to stop her I thought she just wanted to be with the kids alone, she said she didn't I don't even think she considered that I wanted to talk with her.
After the park we went to a few places she wanted to go and then had the lunch she suggested. We then went out to the mall and then we went and saw a movie. She laughed and enjoyed the movie and then we came home. I would call today a positive day, we were able to resolve a misunderstanding without assuming what the other was thinking.
Should I confront OM and let him know what's going on or leave it alone. We are making progress and they are not having a pa but I don't think OM wants to cause problems for my family.
C'mon Gotan, you know better. Stop trying to control your W, and the OM. What do you think might come out of your confronting the OM? And how do you think your W will react?
Is there anything positive that could possibly come out of this? Accept that your life is no longer fully within in your control. Keep working on yourself, and detach.
