Maybe if the hww was that desperate to get pregnant, she got knocked up by random guy and convinced your H that it's his...older guy who seems to have it together (in her eyes). Hopefully he'll get a paternity test.
Sorry about the phone, that really stinks!
And thanks for all the support you're giving me. We will all be such strong women that our H will hit themselves with 2x4s for their stupid behaviors....only a fool would walk away!
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Thanks, Ats. At this point, I just feel bad for my kids. I hate that they will be forever connected to his crazy $h!t. What an emotional roller coaster for them. These two "parents" never thought for a second about the damage they are causing these kids. They think bc they are older it's no big deal or something? Damn, they are the ones who know better and can see what's going on. They are the most affected. H & hww are idiots. Who buys a house with someone when they haven't had kids meet SO. OMG, I would NEVER move in with a man and he has not met my kids. That is crazy. And put his kids in bedrooms with the intent to put mine in the basement.... someday. WHAT?!
I agree, could be she got knocked up by some other random guy. Or could even be pseudocyesis ( false pregnancy). Frankly I think either possibility is just as likely as a late success of his reversal.
He sure has got himself into a pickle, but nothing you can do about it. Move on, sistah! Enjoy not walking on eggshells in your own home.
Hi Mighty, Try and relax, I know it must be hard. I have a question, was your H the kind of guy who would just allow himself to be lead by a woman? I mean before the MLC. My W is now trying to erase the past 25 years like they never happened. She is even changing her name back to her maiden name which I could see if she wasn't almost 50 and been married for 21 years and has 2 kids that will now have a different last name then their mother. The only reason she would do this is because she wants to just totally erase our entire M. Like it never happened. She threw away all her cards, letters, pictures of us. Doesn't want her wedding dress or her wedding photos (She treated that dress like gold for years!) told me I could just get rid of the videos of our wedding. She is convinced that her pain can be cured by running away from me, her M and her old life. She has 2 kids, my W was always closer to D19 than our other D14. Now, she has just stopped caring and acts like since she grad. HS 2 months ago and is over 18, she has zero responsibility towards her. It doesn't help that she is closer to me now and told her mom she would live with me if she left. She hardly interacts with D14 and only seems to want split custody because she doesn't want to pay child support and doesn't want people thinking badly of her if she doesn't get custody.
It seems like she has decided that to stop the pain she is feeling she must totally end her old life. Start over, try again. Hopefully your H isn't doing this but there isn't much either of us can do. Remember that DBing is for YOU, not to get your H back but to help you be the best person you can be, with or without your H in your life. Stay strong, when I start to get weak I remember that my kids need me know more than ever before in their lives. That they can no longer count on my W so I have to be strong for them. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You don't deserve this and you didn't break your H. He needs to find his way back out of the tunnel. Whether he destroys his old life totally or not is up to him. Don't let him take you with him!
Hey guys... you are the best. Thanks for being there with me. I got my phone fixed this morning!!!! Woooooo hoooooooooo!!!! $136 later and I am back in business. Darn phones.
Ats (I got your back, girl!) and KML- I don't know. This is where my head is going to explode. After the news from the nurse and xbf, I don't know what to make of the sitch. This has to be and will be my biggest difficulty in releasing. It is just so difficult because this will forever affect my kids. The thought of my poor d. She has been his only d, and to think she already feels replaced, and now to feel that she is being replaced with a new d. I guess I am leaning towards it being h's bc they were in what seems the infatuation part of the r. That's when h really started to detach and disappear. So it is obvious he was with her. And, she really is preg and showing now. She was preg in 9 months with two different men (miscarriage last yr), and one of them married. That is so gross. But she comes across to others as this sweet, beautiful girl who is a great mom. OMG, will people really see the truth?
Matt- no, h does not like to be controlled by anyone. He has been on his own, pretty much, since about 14. The military was a very difficult adjustment for him. But, he is such a different person now. I can tell she has been calling the shots. He is so mixed up and waaaaaaay in over his head. He really does not have anywhere to go. He does not have a supportive or with-it family to rely on. He has caused so much destruction within his own family, he does not even know where to begin to repair anything. It is like he has no other choice (in his mind) and this girl knows what she wants. If he were to leave- he would have NOTHING, including money (if it's his kid- which he is convinced of). So, yeah, I think at this point, he is being controlled by another woman (or girl, I should say).
Bea- I know... I'm confused too! I really pushed for v rev. He would go back and forth, he thought it would be good, but then was very hesitant about going back to that, since our kids were older. Keep in mind, this was a couple years ago now. I wondered last year if that was one of my mistakes in the r- pressuring for that. When we were told that we couldn't he seemed relieved. I was upset for a little bit, but I became OK with it, and was ready for the next chapter of our lives. I began to look forward to the things we could now do. We had $ in the bank, our kids were becoming more dependent, and we were still pretty young, since we had kids so early on. I just never really shared that w h. I know that having a baby was not part of his plan. I don't know that he had a plan, but living in sheer emotion and on an impulsive rush. But, she knew what she wanted.... I really don't think he is thrilled about this baby. But his is playing the role with her. When I asked him if he would stay with her if the baby was not his, he answered with the most confidence I've heard in him, "No."
How sad that a man who already has a W and kids thinks he's doing the "right" thing by staying with a woman ONLY because she got knocked up! If he was so confident that if she wasn't "with his child", he wouldn't stay, he shouldn't! Very few M's where the only reason for the M is because of her being preg. work out in the end. And very few happen when the man is your H's age AND ALREADY M! So what's he going to call it, a "shotgun D". Your H has got himself all turned around. For him doing the "right" thing by OW is doing the most awful thing to his W and kids! I swear I wish we could just shake these MLCers and get them to see that doing something horrible and immoral, you will never be "happy" in the end!
My W has told me that after her father abandoned her, her brother and mom, her biggest fear was he would have more kids with OW and totally forget about her and her B. Turned out OW had a health problem and couldn't have kids. She just was so afraid that he would just raise a new family, forget his old and just go on forever without looking back. Of course that is exactly what she is doing just minus the new kids but who knows, she could still have another as she is "only" 47 and still fertile! One thing that is common here is that the MLCer ends up doing exactly what they have always said they would NEVER do. Almost like they want to become as different a person as possible!
Your kids are really going to need you, Mighty! You will need to stay strong and be the stable force in their life as what your H is doing is going to hurt, a lot! God bless you, Mighty. I'm praying for you and your family!
Thank you soooo much, Matt. It really is eye opening what your wife told you about her greatest fear is him having another family. It really shows how much my kids are hurting, because hearing that from someone who was abandoned they way mine were.
Luckily I have a WONDERFUL relationship with my kids. We are so close, and we all have the same sense of humor. We laugh all the time. They know I would never do anything to hurt them and they can count on me for anything. I just have to make sure I am really giving them everything they need. If anyone has any resources for me on this, please pass along. I know it will be a bumpy road for them- and it's my son's senior year.
I know, Matt, you have been a strong and constant force for your kids. That is so important. It is wonderful for your girls to see how a man and father should be. I worry about that with my d. Thank you so much for your input, Matt.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
